Catching up

Well, I certainly haven't posted as much lately as I would like to. My minimum goal is once a week, but I haven't been making it. The good news is, however, that things are going really well and that's why I haven't posted. I finished chapter five (on parenting) of The Mommy Answer and am starting on chapter six (on fostering relationships, especially the one with your husband.) And to live out what I'm writing, I just returned from a long weekend with my husband. It was our first alone getaway since our first child was born 5 1/2 years ago and was fabulous. We went to Beufort, SC - which I highly recommend as a beautiful, quiet place to vacation - and just enjoyed each other and the lack of a schedule. I didn't get as much work done as I'd hoped, but I guess that's a good thing.

Bible Study is also up and swinging and is going great. We've completed the first two sections which covers making Bible Study, prayer and physical discipline prioritities. God is blessing me so much through this study and teaching me and reminding me many things.

Hopefully I'll get back on track with my posts, but if I miss a week here and there, know that it's because things are going well and I'm having the opportunity to be fruitful with my family, writing, and other relationships.

In the meantime, I'd love to hear what's going on with you, what God's doing in your life, and what your current blessings are.

LIfe Management for Busy Women

I am priviledged to be teaching the fall ladies Bible Study at my church. I thought about posting my notes on this blog, but several people are already reading both and I didn't want to duplicate. So if your interested in learning about managing a busy life (based on the book and study by Elizabeth George), go to smithmemorialladiesbiblestudy.blogspot.com and join us!

Making Mommy Decisions

Do you ever look at or think about how you make mommy decisions? I recently got the book I Was a Really Good Mom before I Had Kids by Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile. In one chapter they talk about making peace with your choices. Most of the chapter talks about the anxiety that moms feel about things from picking the right extra-curricular activities to packing to right lunch to deciding whether to work or not. While I agree with much of what they have to say - like about the number of choices we have today adding to our stress and moms often not being confident about their decisions and comparing their decisions to other moms - they are missing the greatest resource for confidence in decisions.

"We heard forom a lot of mothers that htey crave confidence and stability. They want to stop looking over their shoulders, stop living with doubt, and stop making choices based on others' expectations of them." True. They talk about expectations influencing decisions, considering wants, using core principles and values, letting go of pressure to do it all, and decide to make peace with decisions. Much of this is helpful, but an incomplete answer to the presented problem. A quote they have in this chapter says "Sometimes you just have to trust the universe that things will turn out OK. - Amy/2 children, Corte Madera, CA"

Trust the universe? Trust a created object that has no power? Trust in changing values and feelings that everything will turn out okay? I'd rather have something powerful and perfect and loving and guiding to the best end for me and my children to trust in. Making the ultimate choices for our children requires relying on the ultimate parent. In an authentic, seeking relationship with God, we can have the answer to every question we ever have in parenting. Our ultimate goals for our children should come from God's will in their lives. As we seek Him, diligently study His Word, and learn to listen to Him, He will hold our hands and show us the path to take at every fork in the road. He will also lead us when to just be still in Him. Intentionally and intellectually evaluating our expectations, desires, values, and choices are good things to do. But relying on God to guide us through this process is the best thing we can do.

More on Discipline

As I continued to think on my last post and the principle of pay now or pay more later, I felt compelled to add a warning. Although we are responsible for teaching our children discipline, doing everything that we can in teaching our children, they still are able to make their own choices. There will always be that one child who rebels despite strict discipline. We as moms have to be very careful in how we judge other mothers by how their children behave. It may be the case that she is not doing all that she can in the area of discipline, but it may also be that she doesn't have the tools, or support, or just that the child is particurly strong-willed.

I also felt the need to emphasize that discipline should always be out of love. There are just as many children who are out of control because there is too much discipline with a lack of love and relationship as there are those who aren't disciplined at all. Discipline and love don't balance each other, discipline occurs out of love. This is a fundamental principle found in the Bible, expressed in Proverbs 3:12, Hebrews 12:6, and Revelation 3:19.

Paying with Children

One of the ways that we don't realize that we have to pay now or pay more later is in raising our children. As a counselor I saw it time and time again that parents let their children get away with small acts of disobedience and disrespect when they were younger because they were little things. Then they came to counseling because their child was "out of control." The heartache and struggle that parents went through because they had no authority over thier child was hard to watch. Walking step by step as parents attempted to regain authority over a rebellious teenager was hard work for everyone. It is much harder to regain authority and enforce discipline that hasn't been kept in place than it is to maintain it. As hard as it feels sometimes to keep on my children and work to make them obey (and it is often WORK), I try to keep in mind (and tell them) that obedience is essential for their safety and well-being. One day they're going to need to mind me when I tell them not to run out in the street or not put themselves in a situation where they'll be tempted to sin, or any number of other possibilities. As laborious as it is sometimes to discipline my children and stop what I'm doing to enforce a rule, the pay off in obedience is well worth it.

Pay Now or Pay More Later

We live in a society of having the option to pay now or pay later for most things. Generally, we are encouraged to pay later – use your credit card, it’s so much easier; buy now, pay nothing until 2020 (okay, may not that far away), etc, etc, etc. Although the concept of getting what we want and not paying for it until later sounds great, what many people don’t realize is that when you eventually do pay, you will pay much more than the original cost of whatever it was you just couldn’t have to wait. At an interest rate of 18% or 36% it doesn’t take long for $300 to become $1000. And the larger the purchase, the greater the interest you’ll end up paying. But because we pay just a little at a time, it doesn’t seem that bad. Or, we’ve already made that choice, so we just have to suck it up and deal with it.

It’s usually taking the easy route that gets us into a big mess. It makes us feel good or makes things a little bit easier for us. This philosophy of pay now or pay later also works in many other areas of our lives. The cost, however, is often much higher than we want to pay. If we pay attention to the small print up front, we would never take the easy route. But like the small print on a contract or a credit agreement, we often choose to ignore it. That’s how we get ourselves into unhealthy, unbearable, and ungodly situations. In finances, in parenting, in health, in relationships and in spiritual growth we will pay now or we will pay later.

The Bourne Mommy

I don't know if you've ever seen the Bourne movies (Bourne Identity, Supremecy, and Ultimatum), but I recently watched them for the second time. You may be thinking, "I can't believe she watched that", but I'll admit I may just watch them again (before I return them to their owner - they really are coming home Melissa.) Besides being a huge Matt Daman fan, there's just something about these movies that draw me in. Part of it is the incredible, unlikely feats that the hero (I guess he can be called that) accomplishes. This time around I started thinking of this character in comparison to Mommies. And I realized that we often expect ourselves to function similarly.
First - we are expected to keep on going, no matter what. No matter if we've been shot and fallen into the sea, if we've been in three car crashes in as many days, if we've just lost the love of our life. We don't literally face these challenges, but moms definately face some real challenges that affect us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. No matter what we have going on, we are expected (usually by ourselves more than anyone else) to just keep going.
There's also the phenomenon of holding everything together emotionally despite our world's falling apart. This is a result of the "have it all" myth that has come out of the women's lib movement. We're not supposed to let it show that we are stressed and maybe need someone to lean on and let us cry for a little bit. Not necessarily over anything big, but just because it all adds up.
We're also supposed to be able to evaluate and react immediately to situations. We expect ourselves to be able to handle any situation at a moments notice and without flaw. We have all of the information to deal with whatever comes up and have the sense of mind to use that information instinctively.
Although good movies, they are highly unrealistic, as are our expectations of ourselves sometimes. So take a break, watch a movie, and cut yourself a little slack.