With everything said about discipline having the goal of instructing our children, I must say that I have become convinced that the most important principle that we should instruct them in is obedience – in actions and attitudes.
“If we are going to raise a generation of faithful children to live righteous lives, they must begin by learning to obey their parents.” John MacArthur
One thing that gets said a lot in our house is, “Are you being obedient or disobedient?” As I’ve grown as a parent and a child of God I have come to understand that obedience is key. Experience has taught me that obedience brings rewards and disobedience costs dearly. Throughout the Bible God is constantly instructing His children to be obedient, rewards those who are, and punishes those who aren’t. Some may see this as unfair or unloving, but a clear understanding of God’s law gives us a clear understanding of His requirement for obedience. His law (rules, covenant,) is for our benefit. If we obey His law we can avoid the negative consequences of sin. It doesn’t take long to see that breaking God’s law (specifically the Ten Commandments) hurts relationships, either with God, with others, with ourselves, or all of the above. His law is to protect us and guide us to the rewards of healthy relationships.
As I read through the Bible with my children I get a snapshot look at the main stories and clearly see the theme of positive consequences for obedience and negative consequences for disobedience. We, like God, should love our children too much to let them continue down the wrong paths. God has put us in a position of authority over our children not so that we can rule over them but so that we can shepherd them. As their shepherd, we guide them, help them understand themselves as wonderfully and miraculously made by God, and plant a love of God and His Word in their hearts. Obedience is not something, however, we can command or punish them into. When children obey out of fear, it is only outward. It’s when obedience is rooted in love and trust that right actions come from right motives and with a right heart. Just as our willing obedience to God is a result of a loving relationship with Him, our children should willingly obey us as a result of a loving relationship with us.
Obedience needs to be taught in a loving environment. We do this by lovingly correcting them through allowing natural consequences when appropriate and enforcing logical consequences when natural consequences would be extremely harmful.
Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right…Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1, 4
I make it clear to my children that I expect them to obey me, even in the little things, and I explain to them that the reason it’s important to obey because it’s Mommy and Daddy’s job to keep them safe. They must obey in the little things because it makes obedience a habit. If I let my child get away with little instances of disobedience at home, then he’s not likely to listen to me out in public when I want him to hold my hand or stop on command before running out in a parking lot. Letting children know that we expect them to obey because we love them and have their best interest at heart is a part of not exasperating them. Another part of that is how we conduct ourselves when we create boundaries and handle situations when they disobey. In everything we do and in everything we say, our love for them should be conveyed – by our tone, by the expression on our face, and by the words we choose to use.
Showing posts with label Obedience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Obedience. Show all posts
Friday, February 18, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Parenting with Purpose
Many parents, however, do not keep these things (the who, what, when, where, why, and how) in mind as they parent their children. Parenting is often done in a fly by the seat of your pants kind of way. Issues are addressed the moment they arise. There’s no main goal or purpose in parenting and there’s no forethought and planning. Parents often seem to be just trying to survive the current stage and make it until their children get old enough to move out. Children in these families are often not disciplined or not disciplined correctly and parents end up feeling burdened and overwhelmed. Parenting is not supposed to be a burden, however. It is supposed to be a joy. That’s not to say that parenting is or should be easy. Quite the contrary, parenting is hard work. But, as with any gift that’s truly worth something, children come with the responsibility to take care of them. It is up to us to embrace parenting with a joyful heart and enjoy the journey of ups and downs.
There are many parenting philosophies out there to help parents be effective in their job, but most of them focus on developing well-behaved children. The focus is on external behavior and on molding independent, self-sufficient, contributing members of society. Although not bad goals, the true “challenge of every Christian parent is to bring up children who love God with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength; who have a vibrant, personal relationship with the Lord Jesus; and who’s lives will be bright and shining lights, penetrating the darkness around them.” (Bruce Johnson, Family Life Today)
In parenting, “behavior is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart.” Tedd Tripp
Parenting isn’t just about raising good children who do good things, but raising adults who have a heart for Christ that manifests itself in outward actions. This has to be done intentionally.
When we teach our children to go potty, we do it intentionally. When we teach our children to read, we do it intentionally. When we teach our children to drive, we do it intentionally. When teaching children these types of lessons there tends to be time set aside, specific instructions, often books read to assist in training, and sometimes even other adults corralled in to help. Although traits such as respect, obedience, taking care of material possessions, patience, responsibility, integrity, and fairness are important, it is often assumed that children will just kind of pick up these traits by osmosis. The same is often true about faith in God. Many parents believe that if they set the right example for their children, their children will make the right decisions. Other parents believe that they can set whatever example they feel like but as long as they tell their children the right thing to do their children will follow the rules (we’ve all heard the biggest lie in parenting – ‘do as I say and not as I do’.) Many parents believe that discipline is the key to good parenting, but miss out on the true purpose of discipline and end up alienating their children. Other parents believe that their children will do the right things if they love them enough and end up with grown children who have no respect for authority or skills for life. There are many mistakes that we can (and will) make in parenting. And in our present culture we have additional challenges than have parents of previous generations. Parenting can seem like a daunting task when we look at it full on, but if we stay focused on our goals as parents and decide to be intentional about the way we parent, with God’s guidance and help, we will be successful.
There are many parenting philosophies out there to help parents be effective in their job, but most of them focus on developing well-behaved children. The focus is on external behavior and on molding independent, self-sufficient, contributing members of society. Although not bad goals, the true “challenge of every Christian parent is to bring up children who love God with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength; who have a vibrant, personal relationship with the Lord Jesus; and who’s lives will be bright and shining lights, penetrating the darkness around them.” (Bruce Johnson, Family Life Today)
In parenting, “behavior is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart.” Tedd Tripp
Parenting isn’t just about raising good children who do good things, but raising adults who have a heart for Christ that manifests itself in outward actions. This has to be done intentionally.
When we teach our children to go potty, we do it intentionally. When we teach our children to read, we do it intentionally. When we teach our children to drive, we do it intentionally. When teaching children these types of lessons there tends to be time set aside, specific instructions, often books read to assist in training, and sometimes even other adults corralled in to help. Although traits such as respect, obedience, taking care of material possessions, patience, responsibility, integrity, and fairness are important, it is often assumed that children will just kind of pick up these traits by osmosis. The same is often true about faith in God. Many parents believe that if they set the right example for their children, their children will make the right decisions. Other parents believe that they can set whatever example they feel like but as long as they tell their children the right thing to do their children will follow the rules (we’ve all heard the biggest lie in parenting – ‘do as I say and not as I do’.) Many parents believe that discipline is the key to good parenting, but miss out on the true purpose of discipline and end up alienating their children. Other parents believe that their children will do the right things if they love them enough and end up with grown children who have no respect for authority or skills for life. There are many mistakes that we can (and will) make in parenting. And in our present culture we have additional challenges than have parents of previous generations. Parenting can seem like a daunting task when we look at it full on, but if we stay focused on our goals as parents and decide to be intentional about the way we parent, with God’s guidance and help, we will be successful.
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Showing posts with label Obedience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Obedience. Show all posts
Friday, February 18, 2011
The Importance of Obedience
With everything said about discipline having the goal of instructing our children, I must say that I have become convinced that the most important principle that we should instruct them in is obedience – in actions and attitudes.
“If we are going to raise a generation of faithful children to live righteous lives, they must begin by learning to obey their parents.” John MacArthur
One thing that gets said a lot in our house is, “Are you being obedient or disobedient?” As I’ve grown as a parent and a child of God I have come to understand that obedience is key. Experience has taught me that obedience brings rewards and disobedience costs dearly. Throughout the Bible God is constantly instructing His children to be obedient, rewards those who are, and punishes those who aren’t. Some may see this as unfair or unloving, but a clear understanding of God’s law gives us a clear understanding of His requirement for obedience. His law (rules, covenant,) is for our benefit. If we obey His law we can avoid the negative consequences of sin. It doesn’t take long to see that breaking God’s law (specifically the Ten Commandments) hurts relationships, either with God, with others, with ourselves, or all of the above. His law is to protect us and guide us to the rewards of healthy relationships.
As I read through the Bible with my children I get a snapshot look at the main stories and clearly see the theme of positive consequences for obedience and negative consequences for disobedience. We, like God, should love our children too much to let them continue down the wrong paths. God has put us in a position of authority over our children not so that we can rule over them but so that we can shepherd them. As their shepherd, we guide them, help them understand themselves as wonderfully and miraculously made by God, and plant a love of God and His Word in their hearts. Obedience is not something, however, we can command or punish them into. When children obey out of fear, it is only outward. It’s when obedience is rooted in love and trust that right actions come from right motives and with a right heart. Just as our willing obedience to God is a result of a loving relationship with Him, our children should willingly obey us as a result of a loving relationship with us.
Obedience needs to be taught in a loving environment. We do this by lovingly correcting them through allowing natural consequences when appropriate and enforcing logical consequences when natural consequences would be extremely harmful.
Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right…Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1, 4
I make it clear to my children that I expect them to obey me, even in the little things, and I explain to them that the reason it’s important to obey because it’s Mommy and Daddy’s job to keep them safe. They must obey in the little things because it makes obedience a habit. If I let my child get away with little instances of disobedience at home, then he’s not likely to listen to me out in public when I want him to hold my hand or stop on command before running out in a parking lot. Letting children know that we expect them to obey because we love them and have their best interest at heart is a part of not exasperating them. Another part of that is how we conduct ourselves when we create boundaries and handle situations when they disobey. In everything we do and in everything we say, our love for them should be conveyed – by our tone, by the expression on our face, and by the words we choose to use.
“If we are going to raise a generation of faithful children to live righteous lives, they must begin by learning to obey their parents.” John MacArthur
One thing that gets said a lot in our house is, “Are you being obedient or disobedient?” As I’ve grown as a parent and a child of God I have come to understand that obedience is key. Experience has taught me that obedience brings rewards and disobedience costs dearly. Throughout the Bible God is constantly instructing His children to be obedient, rewards those who are, and punishes those who aren’t. Some may see this as unfair or unloving, but a clear understanding of God’s law gives us a clear understanding of His requirement for obedience. His law (rules, covenant,) is for our benefit. If we obey His law we can avoid the negative consequences of sin. It doesn’t take long to see that breaking God’s law (specifically the Ten Commandments) hurts relationships, either with God, with others, with ourselves, or all of the above. His law is to protect us and guide us to the rewards of healthy relationships.
As I read through the Bible with my children I get a snapshot look at the main stories and clearly see the theme of positive consequences for obedience and negative consequences for disobedience. We, like God, should love our children too much to let them continue down the wrong paths. God has put us in a position of authority over our children not so that we can rule over them but so that we can shepherd them. As their shepherd, we guide them, help them understand themselves as wonderfully and miraculously made by God, and plant a love of God and His Word in their hearts. Obedience is not something, however, we can command or punish them into. When children obey out of fear, it is only outward. It’s when obedience is rooted in love and trust that right actions come from right motives and with a right heart. Just as our willing obedience to God is a result of a loving relationship with Him, our children should willingly obey us as a result of a loving relationship with us.
Obedience needs to be taught in a loving environment. We do this by lovingly correcting them through allowing natural consequences when appropriate and enforcing logical consequences when natural consequences would be extremely harmful.
Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right…Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1, 4
I make it clear to my children that I expect them to obey me, even in the little things, and I explain to them that the reason it’s important to obey because it’s Mommy and Daddy’s job to keep them safe. They must obey in the little things because it makes obedience a habit. If I let my child get away with little instances of disobedience at home, then he’s not likely to listen to me out in public when I want him to hold my hand or stop on command before running out in a parking lot. Letting children know that we expect them to obey because we love them and have their best interest at heart is a part of not exasperating them. Another part of that is how we conduct ourselves when we create boundaries and handle situations when they disobey. In everything we do and in everything we say, our love for them should be conveyed – by our tone, by the expression on our face, and by the words we choose to use.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Parenting with Purpose
Many parents, however, do not keep these things (the who, what, when, where, why, and how) in mind as they parent their children. Parenting is often done in a fly by the seat of your pants kind of way. Issues are addressed the moment they arise. There’s no main goal or purpose in parenting and there’s no forethought and planning. Parents often seem to be just trying to survive the current stage and make it until their children get old enough to move out. Children in these families are often not disciplined or not disciplined correctly and parents end up feeling burdened and overwhelmed. Parenting is not supposed to be a burden, however. It is supposed to be a joy. That’s not to say that parenting is or should be easy. Quite the contrary, parenting is hard work. But, as with any gift that’s truly worth something, children come with the responsibility to take care of them. It is up to us to embrace parenting with a joyful heart and enjoy the journey of ups and downs.
There are many parenting philosophies out there to help parents be effective in their job, but most of them focus on developing well-behaved children. The focus is on external behavior and on molding independent, self-sufficient, contributing members of society. Although not bad goals, the true “challenge of every Christian parent is to bring up children who love God with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength; who have a vibrant, personal relationship with the Lord Jesus; and who’s lives will be bright and shining lights, penetrating the darkness around them.” (Bruce Johnson, Family Life Today)
In parenting, “behavior is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart.” Tedd Tripp
Parenting isn’t just about raising good children who do good things, but raising adults who have a heart for Christ that manifests itself in outward actions. This has to be done intentionally.
When we teach our children to go potty, we do it intentionally. When we teach our children to read, we do it intentionally. When we teach our children to drive, we do it intentionally. When teaching children these types of lessons there tends to be time set aside, specific instructions, often books read to assist in training, and sometimes even other adults corralled in to help. Although traits such as respect, obedience, taking care of material possessions, patience, responsibility, integrity, and fairness are important, it is often assumed that children will just kind of pick up these traits by osmosis. The same is often true about faith in God. Many parents believe that if they set the right example for their children, their children will make the right decisions. Other parents believe that they can set whatever example they feel like but as long as they tell their children the right thing to do their children will follow the rules (we’ve all heard the biggest lie in parenting – ‘do as I say and not as I do’.) Many parents believe that discipline is the key to good parenting, but miss out on the true purpose of discipline and end up alienating their children. Other parents believe that their children will do the right things if they love them enough and end up with grown children who have no respect for authority or skills for life. There are many mistakes that we can (and will) make in parenting. And in our present culture we have additional challenges than have parents of previous generations. Parenting can seem like a daunting task when we look at it full on, but if we stay focused on our goals as parents and decide to be intentional about the way we parent, with God’s guidance and help, we will be successful.
There are many parenting philosophies out there to help parents be effective in their job, but most of them focus on developing well-behaved children. The focus is on external behavior and on molding independent, self-sufficient, contributing members of society. Although not bad goals, the true “challenge of every Christian parent is to bring up children who love God with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength; who have a vibrant, personal relationship with the Lord Jesus; and who’s lives will be bright and shining lights, penetrating the darkness around them.” (Bruce Johnson, Family Life Today)
In parenting, “behavior is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart.” Tedd Tripp
Parenting isn’t just about raising good children who do good things, but raising adults who have a heart for Christ that manifests itself in outward actions. This has to be done intentionally.
When we teach our children to go potty, we do it intentionally. When we teach our children to read, we do it intentionally. When we teach our children to drive, we do it intentionally. When teaching children these types of lessons there tends to be time set aside, specific instructions, often books read to assist in training, and sometimes even other adults corralled in to help. Although traits such as respect, obedience, taking care of material possessions, patience, responsibility, integrity, and fairness are important, it is often assumed that children will just kind of pick up these traits by osmosis. The same is often true about faith in God. Many parents believe that if they set the right example for their children, their children will make the right decisions. Other parents believe that they can set whatever example they feel like but as long as they tell their children the right thing to do their children will follow the rules (we’ve all heard the biggest lie in parenting – ‘do as I say and not as I do’.) Many parents believe that discipline is the key to good parenting, but miss out on the true purpose of discipline and end up alienating their children. Other parents believe that their children will do the right things if they love them enough and end up with grown children who have no respect for authority or skills for life. There are many mistakes that we can (and will) make in parenting. And in our present culture we have additional challenges than have parents of previous generations. Parenting can seem like a daunting task when we look at it full on, but if we stay focused on our goals as parents and decide to be intentional about the way we parent, with God’s guidance and help, we will be successful.
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