The Little Things

I have always liked little things. I played with dolls as a young girl, but it was more the tiny clothes, furniture, and accessories I was most fascinated with. If I'd been able, I'd have had a whole miniature house set up. As an adult, I discovered tiny cups you could get printed with names. My mother-in-law has a set, she received as gifts from me years ago.

Just over twelve years ago I began getting a whole new set a little things in my life. The first born of our family arrived a couple weeks early and weighed just over 6 pounds. My goodness did I love that little body! Even though I was stressed and exhausted and hormonal beyond comprehension.

Two years later came our only baby boy at exactly 6 pounds. I had a little experience at this point, so even though I struggled with hormones, depression, and fatigue again, I could not have loved him more.

Our cycle seemed to be two years as precious gifts number 3 and 4 came at the same intervals. Motherhood was becoming more familiar to me by this point and each one seemed to get easier (in what I knew to do, if not in personality - but that's a whole other post!)

Now we are at what I like to call the "Golden Stage." No teenagers yet - the oldest is 12 - and everyone's way past diapers and total dependence - the youngest just turned 6.

But there are also moments I miss the tininess of a baby. The little toes. The fingers that are smaller than a caterpillar. The minuscule mouth that seems to be gifted in making unlimited expressions and noises. I take any chance I can get to hold, love, and cuddle with a little bitty.

However, I also know very well that just as my kiddos have grown into these great children who are fairly capable, they will before I know it grow into great, very capable adults. 

That's why I'm making sure I'm focusing on the little things. The song that's sung during play. The moments they are all getting along. Being read to. Reading with. Random snuggles and kisses. The question I have no idea how to answer. The question I answer easily - which prompts me to say, "You have more questions like that? Shoot them my way!" The quiet moments. The noisy moments. The teachable moments. The laughter. The tears. The celebrations. the sharing of - anything.

These are the moments that are the greatest treasure of my life. I read a book recently that reminded me I am not promised these moments tomorrow. I must treasure them today. Hopefully I will get more tomorrow, and next week, and next year, and for the rest of my life, but I can't count on that. 

Therefore, I will take snapshots with my camera and with my mind. I will close a book, shut off the computer, not turn the TV back on. I will hide these things in my heart. I will not let them slip away unnoticed.

And no one will ever be able to take away these most precious, most invaluable, most important little things.

Website for You

I came across another great website last week. I'm always up for educational and fun, and with my 7-year-olds newfound desire to be on the computer, I searched out something new for her. What we found was www.coolmath-games.com. I even got on and quizzed myself on the game where you have to name the states. I didn't do to badly, but next time I'll have to try the hard level instead of easy. :)

I highly recommend this sight for those who have computer-kids. (But always remember, limited time is best, even when the games are educational. Nothing can replace creative and active play!)

Never Enough

Do you ever feel like you're not doing enough? I think this is a common issue for moms. No matter what we do, no matter how much the lie is touted, we simply cannot do everything.

I know this, acknowledge this and believe this. Yet, no matter how much I do, I always feel like I could be doing more. Now, there are times I do nothing (meaning, sit in front of the tv and be a vegetable, usually not eating vegetables.) And times of rest are good to keep us balanced.

Recognizing what you are doing is good for balance, too. I recently had this feeling in relation to what my children are learning. There's a lot of pressure on a homeschooling mom to teach enough and the right things. I often question, Are they learning the right things? What if they don't learn enough about certain aspects of science or social studies or history? What if I'm not that effective of a teacher? Often, doubts reign.

Then, I look at what they are learning. Yesterday I literally did so. We are participating in Classical Conversations and my kids are learning amazing things. This week's lessons included:

History sentence about the Renaissance

Latin 1st Conjugation Future Tense

English - Possesive Pronouns

Science - 6 forms of pollution

Math - 11 & 12 multiples

Geography - European Features

What other 2nd graders and Kindergarteners are learning those things? So, while I recognize that they aren't getting every experience or lesson that are available through other education venues, I must recognize that they're getting unique lessons and experiences.

I think we all work this way. Whether it's in regards to our children's education, our work situation, our house-keeping situation, etc, we all do it differently. There are somethings that should never be comprimized (raising your children in a balanced, healthy, loving environment that holds them accountable, values education, and loves God), but the details in how these things are accomplished are individualized. I can love God and my family and stay at home full time. I can love God and my family and work full time. I can value education and teach my children myself, or send them to public or private school.

I cannot do everything. I wasn't meant to do everything. I don't want to lower my expectations, but I want to make sure that my expectations are in line with what God has called me to do and how He's called me to do it. Then, nothing is impossible. Nothing that's in His will for me. And He'll make sure that the rest is taken care of, one way or another.

First Week of School

I thought that having school start on a holiday week would be a good thing. A shorter week. Woohoo! But, here it is Friday, the week's almost over and we've gotten almost nowhere. I should add that: I homeschool, missed doing laundry on Monday because of the holiday, started a new homeschooling group {Classical Conversations} Tuesday, had a Dr.'s appt. and shopping for my mom's wedding to do on Wednesday, found out I'm anemic (on top of having low Vit. D - no wonder I crash in the afternoons!), and had a play date for the kids w/some other homeschoolers Thursday morning. I feel like a week in, we're already behind!

I am glad that the onslaught of other activities haven't started, putting more into our schedule. Maybe easing into all the activities (Awana, children's choir, dance, and Ladies' Small Group) is a good thing. Time to get myself organized. So far, I haven't made a good transition back to school.

The factor that makes it all work - we homeschool! I don't have to have it all together all at once (Thank God!.) We can get a slow start, like the tortiose, but if we rev up and keep going steady, we'll still win the race. That rabbit that took off out of the gate sprinting will have nothing on us!

Now, I'm going to go get ready for another day of teaching, running the house, and trying to keep everyone healthily fed! It works for us (even though some days it just works us :).

For all those moms out there working their own schedules and managing their families, I send blessing, grace, mercy, and peace as you lead your children into the world one step at a time - no matter whether that's by way of homeschool, private school, or public school. Take time to drink a cup of coffee (or tea, or smoothie) and keep in touch with your mommy friends as the school year takes off like the space shuttle - on a holiday week.

Tell Me About It: by Carolyn Hax

I don't always agree with what Caroline Hax says, but this time, she's hit the bullseye.

New ADHD Study

I've long been a studier of ADD/ADHD. As a counselor I researched and taught educational classes on ADD/ADHD. One question I asked was, "How come we see so much of it today?" Did everyone really miss it before? Is there something about our culture that makes it stand out more or causes more of it? Is there anything parents can really do to help children cope with it?

The answers to these questions are simple,yet complex. Before I tackle any of them, I will share that even as an educated, employed, successful adult, I tested moderate for ADD. I could tell when I took the test, however, that I would have answered many of the questions very differently when I was younger and would probably have been flagged had I ever been tested. But I give credit to my mom for creating a very structered environment growing up where I was held to certain standards and consequenced when I didn't meet those standards. That strictness drove me crazy as a child, but I can see now it was teaching me the skills I needed to get my inability to attend to one thing at a time (unless I happened to become obsessed with something) under control. I learned how to sit for a long period of time (not still, no I still cannot do that, but to take notes, make notes, or otherwise occupy my body so that it will not jump out of it's seat.)

I also believe that we restrict children's ability to have great amounts of physical activity. Thirty minutes in a seven hour period is no where near enough time for physical activity for young children. While I believe they also need to learn discipline of a structured learning environment, children are full of energy. Even average, non ADD/ADHD children. But, we have them sitting in school for 6 hours, on the bus for 1-1&1/2 hours, and then give them 2-3 hours of homework. Add in a few structured activities, and there's not much free time left. (This is one great benefit I get from homeschooling.)

In addition, there are many environmental things that contribute to the increase. It has been suggested often that our American diet heavy in fats, preservatives, and sugar is a major contributor. One new study backs this up. As I look into being healthier and am learning more about whole/natural food eating, I find more and more articles such as this one.

I'm sharing it because I believe that knowledge is important in making healthy decisions. This is only one way we can learn more that may possibly help us as women and moms.

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/5-foods-linked-to-adhd.html?page=2

Great Deal at AMF

had a good time at the AMF bowling alley this morning - two moms, 7 kids! (I couldn't have done it without you, Leigh Anne!) kids get 2 games free all summer long. go to: www.kidsbowlfree.com to register.

Mommy Times

Now that we've discussed getting time alone as a Mommy to recharge, we will move to another important version of Mommy Time. That's time with other mommies! These times I relish as much as my time by myself. And there are many ways to do this.

There have been innumerable "Mommy and Me" classes and times popping up everywhere in the last few decades. I think that moms used to get together and hang out, but our current culture is so scheduled and organized, that we now have to schedule this time with each other.

A beautiful picture I have in my head is of cultures such as many of the Native American cultures. The men and older boys went out on hunts and the women worked together and watched the children - together. They was often a central place where the work was done so that women could visit, teach, and encourage each other as they worked. I think we are missing something by being isolated in our personal, family, and work lives. We are missing natural fellowship.

But, there are ways to get it. For me, one of the best ways is joining a women's Bible study. These times of growing in the Lord and in relationships with other women are priceless. There are also Mom's time out, MOPS, and many other groups that you can find in most communities. Lisa Welchel (author of Taking Care of the Me in Mommy) talks about getting together with a group of mommy friends weekly in their house. However it happens (whether you find a good group or start a good group) these times are a wonderful way to encourage and receive encouragement from other moms. We all have different strengths we can play off of as we converse and learn from each other. And, the fellowship is usually awesome.

Romans 1:12 ... that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith.

Time for Mom

I'll start off my recommendations for finding Mommy Time that is the least popular. But, especially for moms like me that are home full time and homeschool several small children, it is often the only time I get. That is: early mornings. Don't stop reading! Just because I mentioned the worst way many moms could imagine to get time. I used to be just like you. I was the college student who was in bed by ten and usually slept until about seven, later if I didn't have an early class or have to be at work early. I really loved my sleep. I never realized before becoming a mom how much children would impact that one aspect of my life.

When my first child was about three months old when I remember lay in bed crying because I was exhausted. Not only was I exhausted though, I was tired of being exhausted. And that was only three months in. (I was not one of those fortunate women who got a baby who was sleeping eight to ten hours by two months old. EVER! None of my children slept more than five to seven hour stretches until they were eleven months old.) When my second was about six months old, I was going through it again. Of course, this time I was also at home full time and was watching three other children (making a total of five, with four of them being two and under.) Needless to say, I was not getting any Mommy Time. And I was not getting enough sleep. In my desperate prayers to get more sleep, God provided a slightly different answer: He brought me to Proverbs 20:13. Do not love sleep or you will grow poor; stay awake and you will have food to spare. Wow. That socked me right in the chest. I was loving sleep. Not loving motherhood. And I was seeking the wrong thing to become a better friend with motherhood.

I stopped counting hour many hours of sleep I lost and began to focus more on other things. I also got invited to a Bible Study (that'll be another day's post.) I did sleep through the night again, I did have two more babies and go through two more years of interrupted sleep, but through it all, I began to cherish the early morning hours I ended up awake. Whether it was in the middle of the night and the baby was back to sleep, or the early morning just as the sun was coming up, these times became precious. I don't always get these times. I try to listen to my body and make sure I'm getting enough rest to function at full throttle all day long, but when I get them, they are golden. No other time is the house silent for hours. No other time is there not some distraction of the computer or phone to steal my attention. No other time am I fairly safe from interruption for more than ten minutes. No other time am I not fully engaged in listening for what's going on in the other rooms. No other time can I read and study my Bible and talk to God in the unique way quiet brings.

On those mornings I'm woken up by one child or the other calling me or climbing into my bed, I miss my quiet time. I love those moments, too, it's all about balance. But getting spend some time alone with myself, my God, my exercise video, and sometimes my cup of coffee, is like starting the day with a full tank of gas and a freshly washed windshield. I don't get it every day, but when I do, I can tell the difference.

Mommy Time

I have found that one of the most challening things as a mom is to find Mommy Time (okay, I'll admit that my list of challenging things as a mom is fairly long, but this is definitely on it.) Especially having four children under eight. Especially homeschooling. My children, all four of the precious darlings, are home with me all day every day. I've been home full time on and off during my motherhood years, but when I worked it was only one or two days a week, and no, I did NOT see it as a break. For me, for my introverted 50%, I need complete down, uninterrupted time for me to count it as Mommy Time. For the 50% extroverted part of me, I need times where I can be with other adults and talk about, well adult things.

First, let me be clear on one point: I love being a mother. I would not trade it for anything else in the world. That doesn't mean that I don't plan on doing anything else in the world, even while they're little (after all, here I am blogging), but that doesn't mean I don't love being a mother. Even given it's far more demanding than I ever dreamed. Even though it's far more work than I ever imagined. Even though I have more negative emotions than I ever thought possible. I love being around my children, laughing with them, playing with them, teaching them, and guiding them. But, I also love my Mommy Time. It's what recharges me to be a better mom to my children.

I have found, in my years of being a mom, part-time employee, wife, housekeeper, writer, speaker, and women's ministry leader, that Mommy Time doesn't just happen, it has to be created. And, there are almost innumerable ways to create it.

We all have different challenges in creating Mommy Time that affect us: some moms don't have family around, some moms are married to military men who are gone months at a time and/or move frequently, some moms have families they don't trust to watch their children, some moms feel guilty about leaving their children, some moms work part-time or full-time and don't feel they need other time without their children, some moms don't have money to pay a babysitter, some moms live in isolated places, some moms live in dangerous places. Regardless of what your challenges are, there is a way to overcome them. As with anything else, once you recognize a need (and Mommy Time, in one form or another, is a need - it helps us to be better mothers. I can't overstate it's importance) and the challenges to meeting that need, you come to a crossroad: you can either walk away from the hurdle in front of you, or you can choose to back up, examine the hurdle, and figure out the best way to sail over it. It may be more work initially, but the rewards will be well worth it.

Second, I want be clear on something else. Some moms take Mommy Time to extremes. Everything is about them, getting their needs met, being pampered, and not letting their children inconvenience their lives. That is not the kind of time I'm talking about. My children are a huge inconvenience to my life (if by inconvenience you mean interrupting my ideas of doing what I want when I want how I want,) but they are the most blessed inconveniences I've ever been graced with. From the moment I became pregnant with my first child, my main focus for her and the others to come behind her, was to do the job of mothering to my utmost ability. Mommy Time works in that scheme by helping me stay balanced and healthy, not to stroke my ego, make life easy, or reduce my responsibilities as a mom. It is the emotional equivelant to sleep. When we sleep (whether a full night's sleep or a nap to make up for months of interrupted sleep), it recharges our bodies. That is the goal of Mommy Time: to recharge you so you can not just be a good mother, but to be the best mother you can be.

Duggar Update

It's been over two months since I first read the Duggar's book "20 and Counting." I have since moved on to other reading and living life. But, I have not forgotten the lessons that resinated so much to me when I first read it. Haven't forgotten them, but have not fully and consistently implemented the helpful tips that they gave. There have been a few changes, but also sliding back into our normal routine, or lack there of.

If you haven't noticed, one thing I struggle with is being consistent. Not with discipline, I do pretty good at keeping that consistent, but normal every day stuff. No day around my house is the same, which maked consistent schedules and routines a challenge. I also prefer to tackle special projects on a regular basis than tackle the mundane, need to be done daily, weekly tasks, which also makes it a challenge.

We are still using the buddy system, somewhat. I don't use it fully and in every situation, but as I said before, my "big buddies" are only seven and five. But, we are all working together more to get things done and there isn't quite as much grumbling and complaining.

Also, we are still using our card system for morning and evening routines - sometimes. Like I said, I'm not good with daily tasks. But we have the cards, which helps remind the kids what they need to do. I simply have to be available to go behind them to check it out. Sometimes I do this, sometimes I'm wrapped up in other things (like cooking, cleaning, straightening myself.)

We moved to verses on self-control in April, but I did not exhibit the self-control necessary to study them consistently. So we kept them for May. I think I will pull them out again for June (even though we're not doing school) and review them a few more times before moving on. I obviously need to study them a little more.

So, all in all, I am still benfiting from the wisdom the Duggars shared in their book. Still, it is up to me to use what I think will be beneficial to my family in the way it will be beneficial. I am encouraged to continue to strive to lead my family in a way that will teach us all ways to live lives more effectively and passionately for God. And believe it or not, routines, rituals, organization, and a buddy system can help us to do so!

Another Mommy Day

Have you every looked for a hole to crawl in? Or a close exit? And tried to take it as quickly as possible with four little kids and everything that comes with them? I did. Today. Tried, that is. Thought about it. Desperately looked for a way out.

We had a slow week - no where to be other than work for me on Monday. It was a wonderful feeling, so good I decided to venture out to the library. I literally can't remember the last time we went, and it's something that we used to enjoy on a regular basis (before I started working part time and we joined a homeschooling group.) Also, I had two books on hold (by John Maxwell, I HIGHLY recommend reading him) and my daughter had finished her last Nancy Drew book I had picked up a few weeks ago. So off we went.

Everything went well for the first half hour. My oldest was collecting Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, and the ultimate: Super Mysteries with all the above. The three little ones were playing fairly well and I was getting to browse Today Matters. Then, my one-year-old fell off one chair into another and bonked her head. And she must have bonked it good, because she screamed bloody murder at the top of her lungs for 10 full minutes. In the library. Loudly. For ten minutes.

I would have loved to pick up and go, but my oldest was at the self-checkout with her books (after 5 minutes of coaxing her to ask the librarian for help so I wouldn't have to leave the others or drag them along.) She was in the middle of her 15 books and there was no option for an easy exit. I tried the pacifier. I tried the cup of milk. I tried distracting her by looking out the window, but everything made her more mad.

Finally, my oldest was finished and returned with her bag of books. I apologized to them and said, "Get your things, we've got to go." The reason was obvious. No one even questioned it. So, we got our stuff, I slung my purse on my free shoulder, and silence.

Really? I thought. "Wait a minute. She may be okay." Suck, suck, suck. The pacifier didn't seem so offensive any more. I put my purse on the floor. A wimper. I picked my purse back up. Silence. I stood motionless. The other kids waited. Finally, I breathed. "I think we're okay." And we were. We moved to the trains, we played, the baby got down and was a happy camper. I talked to a few other moms (didn't admit I was the parent of the screaming banshee from a few minutes before) and even met another homeschooling mom of three girls and one boy, all under 7. Overall it was a successful trip.

And the lesson that was reinforced, that I knew already, but seem to forget on a regular basis - if I can just hold out for a few minutes, it will pass. It really will!! And on the other side of the storm, sometimes there's a rainbow.

Mommy's Need to Have Fun, Too!

Have you had fun lately? Really had fun? Let loose, got down on the floor, let everything else go fun?

As moms, we feel the bulk of the pressure on what there is to get done: dishes, cooking, laundry, baths, mail, etc., etc., etc. There's always something to do. But, to stay in balance, and to make wonderful memories, we need to cut everything loose once in a while and let go.

I did so yesterday and it felt great! My husband and I used to wrestle all the time when we were dating. It was a challenge, to see if I could get loose of his grip on my wrists, and for him to see how much of a pretzel he could make me. We haven't done it in years, but last night, for some unknown reason, we did. Our 7-year-old was involved. That made it a ton of fun. And I had help, meaning that I wasn't made into a pretzel and even got a few good tickles in. We all were tired from laughing after about 10 minutes. That excellent deep down, fully-engaged kind of laughing.

It was a good reminder to have fun once in a while. I try to remember to get on the floor to play with my little ones, although it's not as easy with four (and homeschooling) as it was with one or two. I am more wrapped up in the daily tasks of being a mom than remembering to take time to be Mommy.

The dishes will still be there. The laundry will still be there. They will eat whatever. Those are not the things that will mean the most. They do not solidify and foster positive relationships - having fun together does. We can't neglect our duties and obligations all the time, that would lead to mass chaos, but it's good to let them go once in a while and simply have fun. It will keep us in balance and help us not to take ourselves too seriously.

Outdoor Fun

Working in the Garden