Scheduling Rest

I had a great conversation with an acquaintance yesterday. She and I have very different daily lives - I have 4 children under 13, she has 1 step-daughter in college; I am home full time, she works part time - but we found that we also have a lot in common. We are both very busy women with a high regard for taking care of our families, serving others, and working hard at whatever we do.

Maybe that's why our conversation moved to the subject of taking care of ourselves and resting once in a while. I think this is a concern/issue for most women in our society. Whether your children are young or older, whether you work outside the home, work from home, or home is your main work, whether your children participate in a dozen activities, a few activities, or just keep their heads above water keeping up with school, life challenges, and special situations - no matter what our daily lives look like - it seems we all struggle with staying balanced in taking care of ourselves and our families.

In a culture that says, "If it feels good, do it" and "You deserve....{just about anything and everything you want}, but also says "You must perform, be perfect, and please everyone (including yourself), it's no wonder we get stuck, have excessively high levels of stress and depression, and don't feel like we can ever rest.

Yet, our bodies were made to rest. Studies have proven that sleep is essential for health and optimal functioning. Our brains need to catch up and recharge. Our bodies need to recharge. But what about our spirits? Don't they need to recharge?

Yes, of course they do!

Sleep is essential and beneficial (and something I'm a big fan of), but it's not the only kind of rest we need. We also need down time. Time to reflect. Time to ponder. Time to ground ourselves. Time to stop the craziness and busyness of life and smell the roses, as the old saying goes.

The conversation yesterday brought the forefront that doing this often brings guilt on women. Because we tend to focus on, stress about, and heap guilt on ourselves about what we're not getting done at that moment. We forget that by taking care of ourselves (in a balanced, healthy way), we are benefiting our families. When we rest, relax, and recharge we can serve our families better. We can do our jobs better. Our moods are better. We are modeling health and balance. It is not just for us, but it is for them, too.

However, we shouldn't expect that it will just happen. Nor should we wait until we're sick to take a day off.

When I worked as a counselor, we were encouraged to take "Mental Health" days. We didn't have to wait to be sick to take sick leave. My wise supervisors knew that it was better to schedule days off to rest, relax, and recharge, than to be slammed with unexpected, often much longer and not beneficial, illness forcing one to take sick leave.

We as moms should recognize our needs for a mental health day on a regular basis. Now, I'm not talking about every week. Maybe every month, but definitely every couple of months. No, we don't ever "get a day off" of being mom, but we can take a break and take it down a few notches.

My kids still get fed on my "days off", but not much else. And guess what: they survive. Sometimes they even crawl in bed with me to snuggle when I'm half-way through a novel and still in my pajamas in the middle of the afternoon. Life goes on. The world keeps turning. Nothing comes crashing down. And we simply continue our routines and busyness the next day.

Rest is not a luxury. It is essential for well-being and health. It's not easy as a mom to get it, but it is so worth it. So, when will you schedule your next mental health day?

The Mouth!

Does your mouth ever get you in trouble? Do you open your mouth? Chances are, the more you open your mouth, the more likely it is to get you in trouble. I open my mouth a lot! However, it doesn't get me in trouble as much as it used to.

I was recently reminded that my mouth still has the power to get me in trouble. The answer to why it doesn't get me in trouble as much as it used to as well as how I should deal with my most recent verbal sins (I looked for a different word, but none came, because if what we do or say is against God's commandments, it's sin - plain and simple) is the same. That answer is to look into my heart. I must confess my transgression to my God - which I've learned to do more quickly - I must examine my heart and ask God to wipe it clean and fill it with His word and love, and I must let it go.

I have a tendency to play things over and over in my mind. Where did it go wrong? What should I have said? What will I (hopefully) do if I'm faced with a similar situation. I've learned that this is not helpful, and worse, is most likely the fruit of the devil. He wants me to condemn myself and feel guilty for as long as possible. God wants me to confess, lay it at His feet, and let it go.

As I process where I am with my mouth, how far I've come with my mouth, and where I still have to go, I turned to the best place to go for advice on anything - the Bible. I did a quick search on "mouth" [at http://www.biblegateway.com/]. I was expecting to find several verses referencing the mouth. I was not expecting to find over 300 references! God made it very clear that I need to turn to His word more. Especially on things that I'm trying to give up to Him to change in me.

I took a sampling of those verses that are related to where I am with my mouth. The first: show the ability of our mouths to damage others and it's connection to the heart.

Psalm 5:9aNot a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction.
Psalm 17:10They close up their callous hearts, and their mouths speak with arrogance.
Matthew 15:18But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.'

Second: what we should be doing with our mouths.

Psalm 37:30The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just.
Psalm 71:8My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long.
Job 16:5But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.

Third: the importance of taking our words to God and asking Him (and others) to pray that we use our mouths and words for Him.

Psalm 19:14May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Ephesians 4:29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 6:19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel,

I could expound on these verses, but they speak for themselves. Our mouths are important! We need to be conscious of what comes out of them, how those things affect others, and go to God to make changes. As God's people, we are accountable to our mouths, "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." (Matthew 12:34)

Do you ever question yourself as a mom? I do. I wonder: "Am I being too hard?" Am I letting them get away with too much?" Should I take them to the doctor when I think it's just a cold?" "Does it really matter if I demand they dress up to go certain places?"

I think as moms we all tend to question ourselves. I also think this is a sign of healthiness.

As a counselor, one standard belief we held was that the healthiest people sought help. Those who are really unhealthy tend to lack the insight to know how unhealthy they are - or they choose to ignore problems. I think the same is true for us as moms.

Now, there is a balance. Sometimes we can question ourselves too much. Every decision, every action, every nuance is questioned and doubted. Generally in this situation, the mom drowns in a sea of uncertainness and the child ends up with the power - One of the most damaging things for our children.

To be aware, conscious of, our decisions as moms, is helpful along our journey. In looking back over the seven years I've been a mom, I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned. I am, without a doubt, a more patient mom with my fourth baby than I was with my first. I look back at their newborn pictures and am reminded how quickly they grow and go hug each one of them tightly.

I wonder how great an impact the mistakes I've made as a mom have on my children. It does impact them, I know. But because I am purposeful in how I parent, I tell my children I'm sorry when I do make those mistakes, and move on without guilt. Just as God convicts us of sin without condemnation, we are to acknowledge our mistakes as parents, make reparations, and move on. If we're hanging on to guilt, we condemn and rob ourselves from being the best we can be.

A quote I read recently referenced the importance of living intentionally every day - morally & spiritually. It's also important to be intentional about what kind of Mommy we are and make the small decisions on a day to day basis that help us to the next level of our journey - to becoming the Mommy God created the potential in us to be.