Mommy Time Out

Time out is a new concept (in the grand scheme of parenting) that we use with our children. The idea behind it is to isolate children from fun and make them do the one thing most of them can't stand: be still and alone.

While some will argue for time out and others will argue against it, I see it as a useful tool, especially for children who can't stand to miss out on something. Why is it effective? Mainly, I think, because our children are constantly engaged, entertained, and enticed. There is always something to hold their attention or keep them busy.

So, even though it can work, should time out be used only for punishment? Shouldn't our children have the blessing of down time? Time to be creative. Time to spend with themselves and be okay with that. Time to explore their world on their terms. This sounds wonderful! And I work diligently to create this environment. (Yes, I'm one of those moms who limits tv/computer to 1-2 hours a day and occasionally call a no-media day.)

What about us? We moms always have something going on. If we're not running our children somewhere, taking care of their needs, educating them, catching up on the computer, managing family life and budget, there's a ton of other things calling our attention.

So, when's our time out?

Yesterday, mine was at about 12:30 p.m. I was getting grumpy and needed a time out. And, I explained that to my kids (after I'd had a short break and improved my mood.)

God declared a day of rest for a reason. WE NEED IT! And while I haven't quite figured out how to have a full day consistently each week of rest, I try to remember to rest regularly.

Rest, not sleep. Rest, not a vegetable state in front of the television. But actual rest. Sitting and doing nothing for at least a half hour.

And this is hard! Especially when we're surrounded by endless tasks. But, if we as moms don't recharge, don't take at least a little break, we won't have as much to give to our children.

While the little people in my life and yours may not understand this tangibly, the will get it. This is evidenced by what my eight-year-old said to me yesterday.

Me: "Thank you for letting Mommy rest. I was getting grumpy and needed a time out."

Her: "So you can be a good example?"

"Yes." I smile. "So I can be a good example."

Ahhh...Quiet

Yesterday I had one of the best gifts ever for a mommy - I had a day off! A true day off. 24 hours with no kids. No demands. No whining. No arguing. No interruptions during dinner, or a good book, or in the bathroom. It was marvelous.

I love my kids, but I also cherish time by myself to recharge. This may sound repetitive (as several of my posts in the last couple of weeks have been about Mommy Time), but it is still true. I tried to think back to the last time I had a day completely by myself and I came up with that it's been 23 months. That would be 9 months of pregnancy and the first 14 months of my littlest one's life. That's a long time. I've had afternoons off and a few hours here and there, but there's nothing quite like spending a whole day in your nightgown uninterrupted.

I also got to go to a Thirty-One party (the night before, after dropping the kids off), which was great gal time. So, I had a little bit of both types of mommy time.

I was very happy to see all my sweet ones when they arrived home around dinner time last night, and was recharged and ready to go again. And today, I am reaping the rewards of my time off in feeling much more capable of doing what is demanded of me day-in and day-out to raise four children under 8, take care of my house, and homeschool.

I had plans to get all sorts of writing, revising and submitting done on my day off. I did a little. However, I don't feel like I wasted my time at all. There is definitely something to taking a day of rest. There's a reason God called us to do so. As moms, we aren't able to get a day off once a week, even if we dont' do anything but parent and throw some cold cereal at them to eat. No, we need to be deliberate about making that time. I am fortunate enough to have a mom close enough and willing to keep all the kids for me once in a while. I know not everyone does. I can think of several other moms I know personally who don't. So, after my wonderful, fabulous, restful day, my main thought is, "Who can I give this gift to?" That's what I'll work on next.

New ADHD Study

I've long been a studier of ADD/ADHD. As a counselor I researched and taught educational classes on ADD/ADHD. One question I asked was, "How come we see so much of it today?" Did everyone really miss it before? Is there something about our culture that makes it stand out more or causes more of it? Is there anything parents can really do to help children cope with it?

The answers to these questions are simple,yet complex. Before I tackle any of them, I will share that even as an educated, employed, successful adult, I tested moderate for ADD. I could tell when I took the test, however, that I would have answered many of the questions very differently when I was younger and would probably have been flagged had I ever been tested. But I give credit to my mom for creating a very structered environment growing up where I was held to certain standards and consequenced when I didn't meet those standards. That strictness drove me crazy as a child, but I can see now it was teaching me the skills I needed to get my inability to attend to one thing at a time (unless I happened to become obsessed with something) under control. I learned how to sit for a long period of time (not still, no I still cannot do that, but to take notes, make notes, or otherwise occupy my body so that it will not jump out of it's seat.)

I also believe that we restrict children's ability to have great amounts of physical activity. Thirty minutes in a seven hour period is no where near enough time for physical activity for young children. While I believe they also need to learn discipline of a structured learning environment, children are full of energy. Even average, non ADD/ADHD children. But, we have them sitting in school for 6 hours, on the bus for 1-1&1/2 hours, and then give them 2-3 hours of homework. Add in a few structured activities, and there's not much free time left. (This is one great benefit I get from homeschooling.)

In addition, there are many environmental things that contribute to the increase. It has been suggested often that our American diet heavy in fats, preservatives, and sugar is a major contributor. One new study backs this up. As I look into being healthier and am learning more about whole/natural food eating, I find more and more articles such as this one.

I'm sharing it because I believe that knowledge is important in making healthy decisions. This is only one way we can learn more that may possibly help us as women and moms.

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/5-foods-linked-to-adhd.html?page=2

More Mommy Time

For those of you who are not a fan of the early morning hours or who have children who wake up at the crack of dawn or have to be at work too early to make these hours viable, don't give up hope! There are always ways to find Mommy Time. If your children are young enough, nap time is always a good time. Even if they don't all nap, this may be the time to stick the slightly older ones in front of a video (I'm not a huge fan of tv, but it comes in handy the 1-2 hours my kids are allotted a day.) While often our inclination during this time is to start working on the never-ending chore list (as I'm doing at this moment), sometimes it's best to use this time to rest, recharge, and regroup. A 30 minute to hour rest may make you more efficient in your work the rest of the time that you have.

Another option (one I am a huge fan of) is play dates. While everyone doesn't have convenient play dates you would actually want you children hanging out with, we are fortunate in this area. There are also friends we have to schedule and make time for. But it's worth it! This is one of the many areas moms can trade off in. I take your child(ren) today, you take mine tomorrow. Now, granted, with four children and them all being so small, it is a rarity when their all not at home. The one-year-old never gets play dates, the three-year-old seldom. But I know that time will come and I do what I can to create a quiet atmosphere and send as many on play dates at the same time as possible. Sometimes it ends up that I have an extra child and have one of my own out, but it all works out eventually. Well, kind of. I have to be very intentional about creating this haven of time in my chaotic mother-of-four-under-eight-homeschooling-etc-life.

The important thing is to recognize your need for quiet time, to be intentional creating it, and using it wisely (this is not the time to "browse" the computer or fold 6 loads of laundry.) Remember, you need rest. You can pick how you rest, but make sure it's recharging to you.

Time for Mom

I'll start off my recommendations for finding Mommy Time that is the least popular. But, especially for moms like me that are home full time and homeschool several small children, it is often the only time I get. That is: early mornings. Don't stop reading! Just because I mentioned the worst way many moms could imagine to get time. I used to be just like you. I was the college student who was in bed by ten and usually slept until about seven, later if I didn't have an early class or have to be at work early. I really loved my sleep. I never realized before becoming a mom how much children would impact that one aspect of my life.

When my first child was about three months old when I remember lay in bed crying because I was exhausted. Not only was I exhausted though, I was tired of being exhausted. And that was only three months in. (I was not one of those fortunate women who got a baby who was sleeping eight to ten hours by two months old. EVER! None of my children slept more than five to seven hour stretches until they were eleven months old.) When my second was about six months old, I was going through it again. Of course, this time I was also at home full time and was watching three other children (making a total of five, with four of them being two and under.) Needless to say, I was not getting any Mommy Time. And I was not getting enough sleep. In my desperate prayers to get more sleep, God provided a slightly different answer: He brought me to Proverbs 20:13. Do not love sleep or you will grow poor; stay awake and you will have food to spare. Wow. That socked me right in the chest. I was loving sleep. Not loving motherhood. And I was seeking the wrong thing to become a better friend with motherhood.

I stopped counting hour many hours of sleep I lost and began to focus more on other things. I also got invited to a Bible Study (that'll be another day's post.) I did sleep through the night again, I did have two more babies and go through two more years of interrupted sleep, but through it all, I began to cherish the early morning hours I ended up awake. Whether it was in the middle of the night and the baby was back to sleep, or the early morning just as the sun was coming up, these times became precious. I don't always get these times. I try to listen to my body and make sure I'm getting enough rest to function at full throttle all day long, but when I get them, they are golden. No other time is the house silent for hours. No other time is there not some distraction of the computer or phone to steal my attention. No other time am I fairly safe from interruption for more than ten minutes. No other time am I not fully engaged in listening for what's going on in the other rooms. No other time can I read and study my Bible and talk to God in the unique way quiet brings.

On those mornings I'm woken up by one child or the other calling me or climbing into my bed, I miss my quiet time. I love those moments, too, it's all about balance. But getting spend some time alone with myself, my God, my exercise video, and sometimes my cup of coffee, is like starting the day with a full tank of gas and a freshly washed windshield. I don't get it every day, but when I do, I can tell the difference.

Travel & Relationships

Once again, I am so inconsistent! But, I have a somewhat legitimate excuse. I've spent 13 out of the last 18 days not at home. I'm not usually a traveler, but things came into play that allowed me some greta opportunities to spend time with friends and family that I don't get to see often. While this may seem completely off topic of health, building and maintaining relationships are a part of being healthy - and not just a part of our emotional health, but also a part of our physical health. As science continues to progress, there is a undeniable connection between our minds, bodies, and spirits, which includes relationships, that has become more clear.

There are some relationships that we are able to maintain regularly - friends we see weekly or more frequently - and some relationships that we are only able to give face time to occasionally - monthly, annually, or less frequently - but all these relationships inpact our lives. In today's age of information and being able to reach out to someone at our fingertips, we can easily take relationships for granted. An email or text can only say so much. If it's true that 85% of communication occurs nonverbally, then it's important to at least once in a while see someone or at least talk to them on the phone to retain good relationships. I love having the easy access to people who are far away, but nothing compares to hearing a loved one's voice or getting to see them with my own eyes and wrap them up in a hug that says, "I love you and am so glad you're a part of my life."

These are the moments that help recharge me and put the sprinkles of the ice cream cone of life.

What we do to be Healthy - Part 3

That brings us to portions. I have to say that this has probably been one of the most lifestyle changing revelations I’ve had when it comes to eating better. What Americans often tend to think of as portions are what we get when we go out to eat. And because we look for ‘more for less,’ our perceptions of what portions are are greatly distorted. Proper portions are:
· One carbohydrate serving is 15 grams. This equals to ½ cup of potatoes or pasta and 1/3 cup of rice. It’s often one slice of bread and ½ cup of fruits (although most melons and berries have larger servings, 1 – 1&1/2 cup.)
· One vegetable serving is one cup raw or ½ cup cooked.
· One meat serving is 3 oz (that’s 1 oz. smaller than a quarter pounder!)
While this list doesn’t include everything, it’s a good start. Once you see what appropriate portions are, you will be able to better balance what you eat. But that’s not the end of it. Knowledge is only part of what it takes to be healthy. The other parts of this puzzle are a decision to make healthy choices and following through on that decision. Sometimes there’s a fourth piece of the puzzle: accountability tools.

What we do to be Healthy - Part 2

The second major change is to start reading labels. That is, reading the nutritional information and the ingredients on the prepackaged items you do buy. You will be amazed at how eye-opening this is. I first began reading labels when I started watching my carb intake. First you look at the contents: calories, fat, saturated fat, trans fat, and carbohydrates. Then you look at the serving size. This is where much of the shock comes in. And often the knowledge you need to make healthy eating changes.
I’ve caught myself, more times than I care to count, saying, ‘There’s that many (insert: calories, carbs, fat) in that!’ It almost seems impossible that there could be that much shoved into such a small serving size. But, once you start reading labels, you will understand much more about why many of us are so unhealthy. You can even do this when it comes to eating out. Most fast food restaurants and many other restaurants have their nutritional information on line (although once you read it, it will almost seem ironic that it’s called ‘nutritional’ information.)

What we do to be Healthy - Part 1

For me, the main goals in eating (other than having the proper perspective) are to eat balanced and as natural as possible. As natural as possible is probably the biggest challenge in eating healthy. We have become accustomed to prepared and processed foods. They are convenient, quick, easy, and our taste buds have gotten used to the flavors in them.
I’ll be the first to admit that my pantry still has quite a few processed foods. Crackers, cereal, breads are all staples. However, we also have bowls of fresh fruit and a constant supply of fresh and frozen vegetables. They key is to not look in your pantry and throw out everything that’s in a box or bag. The key is to take it one step at a time and eliminate what you can, and add what you can.
One of the first thing we did in our house was make fresh fruits and vegetables a constant fixture. Study after study shows that Americans don’t get enough fruits and vegetables. There are a many products available now that tout being fruit and vegetable supplements (made with real fruit, two servings of veggies,) but the truth is, there’s no substitute for fresh, real live foods. If we start eating them and our children start eating them, we will begin to appreciate the flavors and textures that cannot be mimicked in man-made foods.
I have to add a caution here, though. Many fruits and vegetables sold in many markets (grocery stores) are the product of mass-produced items in which pesticides. There are many cautions out about limiting our intake of products with pesticides. The most recent study shows that there may be a link between pesticides and ADD. Whether that (or any of the other specific claims) turn out to be true, it would be wise to be cautious. There are many ways to avoid and limit exposure to pesticides. You can grow your own (although not everyone everywhere can grow everything,) you can buy from local farmers’ markets and stands (where you can ask), and you can buy organic. Don’t let your limited ability to do any one of these things scare you off of making this one important change, however. Fruits and vegetables (and a variety of them) are good for our bodies and provide many needed and desired nutrients.

Health is eating to live, not living to eat

While many of us focus on our weight and size, few of us focus on how we approach food. Food has become a cultural phenomena. It has become about how much you can get for how little. How things are pleasing to our taste buds for the moment regardless of the long-term impact on our bodies. How to make it cheaper, easier, and more fun. In other words, we have learned to live to eat. Instead, our focus in regards to food should be eating to live. Our main goal in eating should be to feed our bodies what they need to thrive. I’m not saying that we should ignore our taste buds. On the contrary, eating healthy can be fun, creative, and taste good.
This is a struggle that many of us have, including me. One of the reasons that I am not content with my weight and size right now are because I made some eating decisions that were not in the best interest of my body, but instead were catered to my taste buds. We are conditioned by commercials and lifestyles to eat for pleasure.
We also eat when we’re sad, eat to celebrate, eat for fellowship, and even eat when we’re bored. Why not? We’re asked. You deserve it. We’re told. In my book, what we really deserve is the opportunity to eat what’s best for our bodies. The answers to why not are almost too much to cover, but I’ll dabble a little in the reasons.
We are what we eat. Garbage in, garbage out. That may make us think that the garbage will come out, having no effect on us, but that simply is not true. The garbage out in the case of what we eat is how it affects us. The reasons not to eat simply for taste disregarding nutrients and health benefits (or detriments) include:
· The effect on our digestive system.
· The effect on our hearts and cardiovascular system.
· The effect on our hormones and endocrine system.
· The effect on our ability to sleep well and restfully.
· The effect on our energy level.
· The effect on our moods.
· The effect on our ability to focus and perform well.
As you can see, even this short list is fairly comprehensive, covering nearly ever aspect of our lives. So, with a multitude of information, much of it contradictory, how do we know how to eat? What diet do we follow? Who do we listen to?
First of all, I encourage you to do your own research. Check out the government’s health website. Look up the effects of preservatives and other chemical additives to our foods. Read and listen to balanced health professionals. Talk to your doctor. Like I said before, I don’t claim to be an expert or to know everything there is to know about health, but I have done a lot of research and can pass along what I’ve found.

Health is not a lack of disease

This is also an important part of understanding health. Many people think that they are healthy simply because they have not been diagnosed with something. Others think that their ability to be healthy is out of their control because they have been diagnosed with something. Neither of these is true.
Much of what I have learned about health (like many other areas) have come through trial and error. And education. Much of that education came after I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes with my first pregnancy. I had been vowing to lose ten pounds (then fifteen, then twenty) for a long time. I wanted to be smaller, and I guess healthier, but I never really looked into what it would take to do so. When I was diagnosed, however, I was prompted to find out what I needed to do to get healthy. So, ironically, I became the healthiest I had ever been while I was managing gestational diabetes. This came in handy when I dealt with it again in my second and third pregnancies, and especially when I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in between my third and fourth pregnancies. Because of this, I have learned that a diagnosis of a life-long disease does not mean that I have to give up on being healthy. On the contrary, for me it was the catalyst I needed to become healthier.
I know the same is true for many other women. I know many moms who cope with illnesses such as fibromyalgia, Graves’ disease, rheumatoid arthritis, and other diagnoses who live very healthy lives. They manage their illness and do not allow it to define them or their overall health.
If health is not found solely in the numbers and is not a lack of disease, then what is it? That’s the crux of this chapter. I don’t claim to be a medical professional or an expert in any specific area of health, but I can share what I’ve learned through research, experience and talking with health professionals about what it takes to get and remain healthy.

Health is not measured solely by numbers

The importance of this truth is one that we may need to work diligently to ingrain in our heads. The first number that comes to mind is the number on the scale. The main number that many of us become obsessed with. I, too, have had many struggles with those three little numbers. The second number must be discussed along with the first, because they generally go hand-in-hand. They are the numbers you find on your clothes. You know, the sizes. Just as we tend to obsess with the numbers on the scale (or ignore them because we don’t really want to know what they are) we also tend to obsess with the size of our clothes. As if once we hit that magic number, everything in our lives will fall perfectly into place. A few minutes of watching any of entertainment shows on the heartaches and troubles of size zero stars will verify that that is not true.
I also know from experience. I was one of those teenagers who seemed to have been able to eat anything and say a small size. I never thought, though, that I was skinny enough and was constantly hoping to lose ten more pounds, get one size smaller. Looking back, I know now that my energies and efforts were wasted. Not because they didn’t get me to my goal, but because I should have been content with the weight and size that I was.
As discontent as I was, I never did anything to become healthier. As a matter of fact, I eat much more healthily now that I’m a few sizes bigger and weigh a little more. I’m not content with where I am, but at least I now know what to do to get where I want. My health is not wrapped up in what size I am or what the scale says. What matters much more is that I eat a healthy, balanced diet. Not diet, mind you, in the sense that I’m on some strict regimen to help me lose weight, but diet in the sense of simply what it is that I’m eating. I eat more fruits and vegetables than I ever did when I was young and super skinny. And I eat a lot less junk.
I don’t want you to get me wrong, though. Weight does matter generally in our health. I would never encourage anyone to stay overweight in order to avoid getting caught up in the numbers trap. There’s a reason that there’s a healthy range for different body types. Enough research has been done to know that when you carry a certain amount of extra weight on your body, you’re putting extra strain on your body systems. The important thing is not to pick an arbitrary number that you’d like to be at, but to find a range within the numbers that you are comfortable and healthy at.
Beyond the numbers found on the scale and on our clothes are the numbers found in our bodies. These are the numbers in the numerous tests that doctors like to run these days. Many of these numbers are important indicators of health: cholesterol, triglycerides, vitamin D, sugar levels, etc. Tests have gotten really good and decades of research have helped us to know where these and a variety of other numbers should be for optimal health. However, we can sometimes get too wrapped up in these numbers. I am not saying that we should not pay attention to these numbers, or avoid knowing what they are. Ignorance does not lead to bliss in the area of health and indicators of health. They are not, though, the end all and be all of health.
Like I said before, when I was young and thin and all my numbers were in pretty good order, I was not as healthy as could be. I also know people who have perfect cholesterol, sugars, etc. and are not overweight, but are also not healthy. They don’t have good healthy habits, they suffer from a lack of energy due to poor diets, and sleep issues. So, while knowing the status of many of your health indicators, it’s important not to be lulled into complacency when all the numbers line up.

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What is Healthy, Anyway?

Like many of the topics you’ll find in this book, the topic of being healthy is one that there is no shortage of books on. It seems like every week there’s a new diet, study on health, exercise program, or magic bullet to get you into shape. If you simply let everything that comes out register in your brain that it’s out there, you can get overwhelmed. Much less if you actually try to digest and understand it all. This study contradicts that study. This diet contradicts that diet. This program is sooo much better than that program. It’s no wonder that so many people end up paralyzed, not doing anything except continuing to do what they’ve always done, whether it’s healthy or not.
To understand what it means to be healthy, the first thing is to understand what is not the definition of healthy. Only once we do away with myths and misconceptions about health, can we begin to understand what it means to be healthy.
But, before I tackle this chapter, I want to address the first question you may have: What does my health have to do with being a mom? More than you might think. One of the main goals of this book is for moms to learn to take care of themselves and be healthy and balanced in every area of life. Why? Because moms need to be able to function at their optimal levels in order to be the best mom they can be. If you’re house and life are not organized, if you’re not healthy, if your marriage isn’t solid, if you don’t use good parenting skills, if you haven’t healed from past hurts, you will not be able to parent with excellence. And, believe it or not, your health is as important as any of those other areas. Don’t believe me? Ask anyone who’s grown up with a parent who’s been caught in the grips of depression, exhaustion, or general poor health.
You’ve heard the saying, ‘If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.’ Well, the same is true for your health. If you’re not healthy, neither will your children be. Living at your optimum in health allows you to enjoy your children in a way that is impossible otherwise. Living out healthy lifestyles will model those behaviors that your children need to be healthy themselves. Knowing good health choices will help you teach them to your children. A mom’s ability to become and remain healthy is important not just for mom, but for the whole family.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, what is not included in the definition of healthy? (to begin tomorrow...)

Mommy's Need to Have Fun, Too!

Have you had fun lately? Really had fun? Let loose, got down on the floor, let everything else go fun?

As moms, we feel the bulk of the pressure on what there is to get done: dishes, cooking, laundry, baths, mail, etc., etc., etc. There's always something to do. But, to stay in balance, and to make wonderful memories, we need to cut everything loose once in a while and let go.

I did so yesterday and it felt great! My husband and I used to wrestle all the time when we were dating. It was a challenge, to see if I could get loose of his grip on my wrists, and for him to see how much of a pretzel he could make me. We haven't done it in years, but last night, for some unknown reason, we did. Our 7-year-old was involved. That made it a ton of fun. And I had help, meaning that I wasn't made into a pretzel and even got a few good tickles in. We all were tired from laughing after about 10 minutes. That excellent deep down, fully-engaged kind of laughing.

It was a good reminder to have fun once in a while. I try to remember to get on the floor to play with my little ones, although it's not as easy with four (and homeschooling) as it was with one or two. I am more wrapped up in the daily tasks of being a mom than remembering to take time to be Mommy.

The dishes will still be there. The laundry will still be there. They will eat whatever. Those are not the things that will mean the most. They do not solidify and foster positive relationships - having fun together does. We can't neglect our duties and obligations all the time, that would lead to mass chaos, but it's good to let them go once in a while and simply have fun. It will keep us in balance and help us not to take ourselves too seriously.

Last Bit of Weed Picking

There's one last thing about getting rid of the weeds of your life that I cannot leave out: Forgiveness. It is hard, but absolutely necessary. And we all have someone to forgive.

If you don't choose to forgive those who have planted the weeds in your life, it is like planting your own.

My children love working in the garden with me. Sometimes they weed. Sometimes they water my plants. Sometimes they dig and play. One day, they decided to make their own garden in the area I hadn't planted anything yet. They dug and pulled little weeds and had a great time. Then, in the middle of their working area, they planted a tall, not too bad looking weed. They were very proud of that weed in "their" garden. That's what unforgiveness is like. It's like planting a weed that looks harmless, but produces no fruit and will steal nutrients from the things in our lives that are meant to produce fruit.

The first step to forgiveness is recognizing what forgiveness truly is. And is not. Forgiveness is not saying that the harm someone caused is okay. In our house, when an offense is committed, the offending party has to say, "I'm sorry I ...." The receiving party is not allowed to say, "It's okay." Instead, they are to say, "I forgive you." I learned this when my oldest two were very young. I don't want the offending party to think that what they did was okay. It wasn't! Instead, I wanted to teach them to forgive, letting go of the offense and not holding the other party in blame forever.

That's not to say that the offending party doesn't have consequences. Forgiving doesn't mean we act like it didn't happen. It simply means we're not going to hold on the the negative feelings associated with the offense. After all, who does that hurt? The offending party, or the offended? Not forgiving means reinjuring the one who got hurt with negative feelings and thoughts. The one who did the offense is by then off and playing and care free.

Forgiveness allows you to say that something happened, it was not right, it was hurtful, but you're not going to hold on to that hurt.

Recognizing that we too have done things wrong and hurt others will help us forgive. As we accept the forgiveness that others, and mostly God, have given us, we can more easily forgive others. "Forgiveness is... a decision; I choose to forgive. Obeying God. Taking responsibility for my actions and attitudes. Choosing ot live God's love, joy, and peace." (12 Steps to Becoming a More Organized Mom: Positive and Practical Tips for Busy Moms, by Lane P. Jordan)

When we are hurt, we have a choice. We don't have a choice about being hurt, but we have a choice about holding on to that hurt or letting it go. When we choose to let it go, we relieve ourselves of "the burdens of bitterness and resentment and lay them at the feet of Jesus, one who understands and even bears our suffering and pain." (The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars: Who Decides What Makes a Good Mother, by Miriam Peskowitz)

Isaiah 53:5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Luke 4:14-21 Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside. He taught in their synagogues, and everyone praised him.
He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. And he stood up to read. The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written: "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began by saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing."

1 Peter 2:24He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

Uprooting the Weeds of Life

So, how do we get rid of those weeds? Those hurts and scars that we carry with us from a variety of experiences. First, we shouldn't try to get rid of them all at once. When I'm gardening and try to grab a handful of weeds to pull up, it is much more difficult. I use less effort overall pulling one or two weeds at a time. There are some that are not as well rooted that I can grab a handful of, but then there are those I have to work on individually. Knowing the difference will be helpful as you tackle emotional weeds.

As a counselor, I believe in the benefit of going to a counselor for guidance and assistance in dealing with some things. Especially the more deeply rooted items. In my garden, I use a tool to help with the stubborn weeds, and the same can be done in life. But, also as a counselor, I recognize that all counselors are not equal and recommend only using one who comes from a Biblical-worldview. They will guide you to healing through God's grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness. Many others will try to convince you that healing comes from getting better at getting your needs met.

I also know that many people aren't comfortable with or in a position to go to counseling. You can still heal and get rid of the weeds. You simply have to be willing to do the work.

The first step is to look around at anything that may be perpetuating the weeds. Are there relationships that encourage their growth? What thought patterns nurture them? What behaviors keep them around? You don't want to abandon good friends and you most certainly don't want to dissolve your marriage, breaking vows that are meant to be for a lifetime, but you want to surround yourself with people who will offer Godly encouragement and wisdom. They don't even necessarily have to know what your dealing with. If you have them in your life, and God has something to say through them, it will happen.

Next, thought patterns are to be tackled. What and how we think affects what we do and how we relate to people. You may not be able to recognize negative or harmful thought patterns, especially if they've been around a long time. However, as you delve into the Bible, God will begin to plant seeds of His Word that will produce fruit in your life. The Word and prayer (simply communicating with God) are an unstoppable power to transform life.

As your thoughts change, so will your actions. You will no longer set yourself up for failure. You will no longer sabotage relationships. You will no longer let the weeds of your past rise up and choke the vegetable- and fruit-bearing things of your life. (Yes, we are to be fruitful, but vegetables are important produce, too.)

While I just went through the Reader's Digest version in a few paragraphs, this is an on-going process. The work you have to do will depend on the amount, size, and depth of the weeds in your life. It may look like too much as you survey the landscape, but by pulling one weed at a time, you will change the looks of it for good.

Rearranging Life

I like this time of year. The kids can get outside and play. We don't have the pool up, which means I can leave them outside by themselves. My garden is planted (mostly) and is beginning to be fruitful. The weeds are trying to take over my garden.

Really, I do like the last part. Most people despise weeds. You would think I would after spending hours upon hours pulling them out this week with plenty more to get to. However, gardening is very good for my blood sugars, keeps me outside with the kids, and is therapeutic in that it allows me to think as I work.

Yesterday, I was hoeing a new row for my watermelon plants. God always teaches me something through my work in my garden, and yesterday was no different. As I was building my new, elevated row, I paused here and there to take uprooted weeds and toss them aside (I pile them in the "ditches" between the rows; a big pile of dead weeds and some newspaper keep new weeds from growing back.) As I did so, I thought about how we often rearrange things in our lives without really dealing with them or submitting them to God.

That's what I was doing, after all. I was rearranging the dirt and the weeds into a pile. We often deal with the hurts, disappointments, losses, and tragedies in our lives the same way. We rearrange things. We move. We try on a new job. Or a new wardrobe. Or a new husband. Or a new church. Or a new religion. We try to move things around in our lives, not realizing that we've simply piled the dirt on top of the weeds. We can't see them and therefore think they're gone. But, just like the weeds in my garden, left long enough, they will creep back through and take over again.

We will have the same relational conflicts with new people. We will find just as many things wrong with our new job. We will need even newer clothes. We will be dissatisfied that the current church or belief system we're trying out doesn't quite do what we thought it would. Then, most likely we will try rearranging things again. Why? Because it's easier.

As I built my new row, the quickest and easiest thing to do (although it doesn't feel easy, because I was putting so much work in to rearranging things with the hoe) is to leave things moved around. It looked nice. I'd done so much work already. However, to truly deal with the weeds, I needed to spend the extra time, energy, and effort to remove them. It required squatting, digging, and pulling. It took even more work, but it will be worth it in the long run.

We need to do the same with the weeds that have grown up in our lives. We all have them. It's not an easy task, but it is worth it in the long run.

When Life's on Pause

It's been over a week since I posted, and I apologize for that. While I realize no one's life is on hold, waiting with baited breath for my next post, I do try to be more consistent than an occasional post here and there. However, sometimes things happen in life that put in a mode of "pause." You know, you're going about your regular routine and suddenly someone hits the pause button and everything is on hold for a while. This can happen for any number of reasons, for me it happened because I did something foolish. Or rather, I didn't do something that I know I should do.

First a little back story: my youngest is 11 and 1/2 months old. I had a very difficult pregnancy and due in part to being a type 1 diabetic and having to adjust my insulin every 2 weeks during the pregnancy (and due in other part to grabbing chocolate chips instead of juice when I hit a low - almost every day) I gained a whopping 65 pounds during that pregnancy. Now, to put this in perspective, I gained a total of 65 pounds in my first three pregnancies COMBINED. Needless to say, I had no problem getting the weight off the first three times, but after losing 45 pounds the first four months, my weight loss stopped. I haven't lost a pound in the last 7 & 1/2 months (okay, I've lost a couple, gained a couple, but have generally hovered at the same place.)

About a month ago my sweet little person began sleeping through the night most nights. That is, 8-12 hours, not the 5-6 they consider through the night for newborns. That meant I was actually getting restful sleep and able to get up and exercise early in the morning. I was on a roll - exercising 3-4 days a week. I haven't lost any weight, but hey, I'm building muscle, right? I even squeezed into my "big" jeans. (Up until now, I've been in elastic-waisted pants and my hubby's jeans.) Then last Monday I went for a walk with my 2 pound weights, was feeling really good and doing curls and arm raises as I walked. I came home and proceeded with my regular routine to get ready for my one day at work.

By the time I left the house, my lower back was a little sore. By 10:00 a.m., I was in constant pain. By 1:00 p.m. I could barely walk. I had pulled a muscle walking.

"Did you stretch?" the doctor asked.

I hung my head and answered, "No. I usually do. But I didn't this morning."

And there it was. I was injured and had a pulled muscle that wasn't happy with me doing anything other than laying down. Thankfully gratefully to good friends, moms, and a hubby with good leave, I had help every day last week. I didn't go to the computer much, and was off in a flash. Even now, 9 days later, it hurts to sit longer than an hour. Fortunately, as a mom, most of my duties are performed standing up.

I am healing, albeit slowly, and getting back into things. I don't like being on pause. But I gracefully was aware enough to pay attention to what God may be teaching me in allowing this. Lesson #1: always stretch!!! Lesson #2 will come tomorrow. For now, I'm going to get off the computer and go lay down and snuggle with my oldest blessing.