Motivation to Minister

As I sat and listened to a man struggle through talking about his experiences during Vietnam - what he saw, the nightmares that have lasted for more than 40 years, and the changes those experiences made in his life and marriage - I was reminded something a friend said recently: People are hurting. And we need to reach them where they're hurting, minister to them, care for them, and touch their lives in a healing way. And tonight I was reminded. By a man who is strong. A man who's committed to the Lord and his family. A man who continues to live and give. A man who continues to hurt because of trauma and devestation he saw over 40 years ago. People are hurting.

They hurt because of past or present abuse - physical, sexual, and/or emotional. They hurt because of abandonment. They hurt because of lies and deceit. They hurt because of traumatic experiences - accidents, fires, floods, tornadoes. They hurt because of others' selfishness. People hurt.

Taking a panoramic view of people and their pain can be overwhelming. But if we look at one person at a time and minister to their hurt, we will be able to make a difference. If we call them when they're going through a rough time. Send a card. Bring a meal. Clean a house. Watch children. Pray. Give. Encourage. Share. Love. It all makes a difference.

We miss these opportunities every day, just as we miss the opportunity to be thankful for the small things God gives us every day, but if we take the time, become intentional, we will impact lives.

When did someone love you? Share with you? Encourage you? Give to you? Pray for you? How were you impacted? Such small things, but big in life. The things that matter the most. The things that make life here on this fallen, sinful, ungrateful world better.

So, I'm grateful for the reminder. Of war. Of damage. Of carnage. Of pain. Because then I'm reminded of love. Of grace. Of healing. Of peace. Of God. He gifts us with everything we need to get through anything we may face and often that is each other.

People are hurting, which makes me ask: What can I do to help?

Snow for Christmas

Actually got a white Christmas this year (very rare in eastern Virginia.) My cousin shared this great picture, and it made me smile. So, I'm sharing with you. Hope you have a blessed day, snowy or not.

Joy in Christmas

Life is busy. And then the holidays start. And life gets busier. Christmas is supposed to be a time of celebration and enjoyment, remembering the birth of Jesus and spending time with family. But often times, the extra stuff - shopping, cards, wrapping, parties, etc. - adds more stress than enjoyment to life.

If this is the case for you, I recommend stopping to catch your breath. These moments are few and far between and won't happen on their own. They have to be sought after and grabbed hold of. These are the moments you do nothing but squeeze, tickle, and play with your child. These are the moments you set aside to take your older child out shopping or for a "date." These are the moments you make cookies simply to spend time in the kitchen together. These are the moments you sit and watch a classic Christmas movie from beginning to end. These are the moments you chase the millions of things you have left to do from your mind and actually enjoy the Christmas musical at church.

We often let the extra expectations of us ruin our holiday season. Are we going to buy something that everyone likes? Did I wrap it just right? Did I forget to send a card to someone? Am I going to offend someone if I don't make it to their party? But, these are not the things Christmas is about. They are fun, or at least they are meant to be, but when they become the pull of Christmas, things have gotten out of order.

In order to find joy in Christmas, Christ has to be put first and mas has to be secondary. Otherwise, you have the proverbial cart before the horse, which will steal your joy. According to one source, mas means festival. We have lots of festivities during the Christmas season, but they tend to take over and take our focus off celebrating the birth of Jesus, the Christ child. Whenever you're not experiencing joy (during the holidays or any time of year), intentionally put your focus back on Jesus and He will give you joy.

Take time to play Christmas music, read different versions of the Christmas story, share what you're thankful for about this time of year, etc. Grab hold of the joy freely given us and go along for the ride of a lifetime!

Picture Perfect

Do you take pictures of your children/family for Christmas cards? I do. Every year. And every year, I go into it with expectations that I can take the perfect picture. With all my children (ages 7, 5, 3 & 1). Standing exactly where I want them to stand. Smiling nicely without making funny faces. And all after I've dressed them up perfectly. And once again, my expectations are not met.

This year, after getting the kids dressed up twice, arguing with the sun to go back behind the clouds so the lighting will be right, and taking 47 pictures in 3 different locations, I still didn't get the perfect one. So, I've given up.

I'm grateful for photoshop, and online ordering, and a decent picture, but I've decided to give up on the perfect picture. I feel like one of those Christmas commercials where no one behaves and you end up with crazy pictures. I'm thinking next year I'd like that program where you can steal a good face from one picture and add it to another. Then, maybe all four of my children will be smiling, looking at the camera, and be in perfect light.

But for now, I'm ordering my B+ picture. And I'm sure everyone (especially family members out of state whom we don't get to see often) will love them. I'll take my own advice, not strive for perfection, but for excellence, and have a cup of coffee while I attach each picture to the 250 cards I'll be sending out this week.

Avoid Stress during the Holidays

I've been fortunate to be asked to speak to a local MOPS group about balance this month. I'm fortunate not only for the opportunity, but the reminders of what I need to do to stay balanced during this time of crazy, busy, extra responsibilities.

As moms, we have a wealth of daily responsibilities - cooking, cleaning, laundry, homework, diapers, potty training, character reinforcement, errand running, and being Mom taxi. Then the holidays come and we add shopping for presents, wrapping those presents, going to and hosting parties, Christmas cards, etc. All these things are fun and great, but we often wonder how to fit those things in on top of everything we do already.

First, allow yourself to let some things go. While your family still needs to be fed and clothed, surely there are some items that can wait until after the holidays. My ironing is currently piled up in the laundry room and has been on my to do list for a while, but truly, it can wait until after the family Christmas party we're hosting this weekend. I'm a homeschooling mom, and we haven't completely given up school, but we're on a reduced holiday schedule. What can you let go?

Second, realize that you can't do it all. It's okay to say "no" - even to good things. If that good thing causes you stress, then it's not ultimately a good thing.

Third, don't forget to take care of yourself. Take time, at least once a week, to do something for you. Watch a chick flick, take a bubble bath, get or give yourself a pedicure, read a novel, get a massage. Most importantly, spend time with God. Ask Him for strength to get through this busy season and follow His guidance in what to do each day.

Which brings me to the last item: focus on one day at a time. It is helpful to plan ahead (I don't need to be going grocery shopping the morning of my dinner party), but once we have an overall plan, we should focus only on today. After all, today's the only day we can live out.

Never Enough

Do you ever feel like you're not doing enough? I think this is a common issue for moms. No matter what we do, no matter how much the lie is touted, we simply cannot do everything.

I know this, acknowledge this and believe this. Yet, no matter how much I do, I always feel like I could be doing more. Now, there are times I do nothing (meaning, sit in front of the tv and be a vegetable, usually not eating vegetables.) And times of rest are good to keep us balanced.

Recognizing what you are doing is good for balance, too. I recently had this feeling in relation to what my children are learning. There's a lot of pressure on a homeschooling mom to teach enough and the right things. I often question, Are they learning the right things? What if they don't learn enough about certain aspects of science or social studies or history? What if I'm not that effective of a teacher? Often, doubts reign.

Then, I look at what they are learning. Yesterday I literally did so. We are participating in Classical Conversations and my kids are learning amazing things. This week's lessons included:

History sentence about the Renaissance

Latin 1st Conjugation Future Tense

English - Possesive Pronouns

Science - 6 forms of pollution

Math - 11 & 12 multiples

Geography - European Features

What other 2nd graders and Kindergarteners are learning those things? So, while I recognize that they aren't getting every experience or lesson that are available through other education venues, I must recognize that they're getting unique lessons and experiences.

I think we all work this way. Whether it's in regards to our children's education, our work situation, our house-keeping situation, etc, we all do it differently. There are somethings that should never be comprimized (raising your children in a balanced, healthy, loving environment that holds them accountable, values education, and loves God), but the details in how these things are accomplished are individualized. I can love God and my family and stay at home full time. I can love God and my family and work full time. I can value education and teach my children myself, or send them to public or private school.

I cannot do everything. I wasn't meant to do everything. I don't want to lower my expectations, but I want to make sure that my expectations are in line with what God has called me to do and how He's called me to do it. Then, nothing is impossible. Nothing that's in His will for me. And He'll make sure that the rest is taken care of, one way or another.

To Balance Me Out

My post last Friday was bluntly honest about one of my most frustrating faults - forgetfulness. As I was walking early in the morning (in the perfect 63 degrees late summer, early morning air), God brought something to my attention. Although I may be forgetful, He is not. He's never forgotten anyone. ANYONE. EVER.

That is a thought that I could sit and mediate on for a while. Instead, this morning, I walked and thought about it. God not only knows each of us, but He knows every hair on our head, our hearts, and our thoughts. And He still loves us. Still offers complete forgiveness for ever time we have sinned either by commission or ommission. He forgave me for forgetting my neighbor over 2000 years ago as His very own blood was flowing from the body He chose to put His Spirit in for 33 years.

He knew each mistake I was going to make before He ever called me to love Him, serve Him, and start my own ministry. He also knew that I would fight my flesh to become obedient to Him. And that's why I think He's allowed me all the priveleges He has.

So, as you look at yourself and those around you - how so very far short we fall from perfection - remember that there is a perfect, all-knowing, all-powerful God who loves You. Allow that information to help you gird up your garments and continue to run the race He has set before you, not growing weary in doing good.

Mommy Brain

Do you suffer from Mommy Brain? You know - forgetting things constantly. Walking from one room to the other and forgetting what you came in there for. Forgetting that you put a child in time out.

This morning I walked into the kitchen and found a container of pasta that I'd left out on the counter last night. 'Oh, well,' I thought. 'Now it's not tempting me anymore.' Earlier this week I forgot a person. A person! I was supposed to give a neighbor a ride home from church Wednesday night, got distracted in the search for a missing passy and transferring a friend's car seats to her car and didn't remember until I passed her house - a full fifteen minutes later!

How could I forget a person??? My husband laughed. My neighbor forgave me. I am trying to stop beating myself up. In order to help, I'm looking at what I can do to help my poor over-exercised brain.

Have any suggestions??

One thing, I'm going to try to go back to writing everything down. The old adage is true: hear it - remember 10%, say it - remember 30%, write it, remember 70%, practice it - remember 90%. In order to do this, I must pay more attention to what I'm doing.

As a mom, I'm used to multi-tasking. When I'm listening to praise music, cooking, answering a multitude of questions or folding laundry, watching a movie, and trying to get in my water for the day, multi-tasking can be good. But, in many instances, it simply means I'm not paying as close attention to what I'm doing as I should. e.g. Talking on the phone and checking email at the same time is not productive. I miss half of both.

So, I will go back to making lists and try to be more aware of what's going on. I'd be more than happy to hear any other suggestions that have helped other moms suffering from Mommy Brain!

First Week of School

I thought that having school start on a holiday week would be a good thing. A shorter week. Woohoo! But, here it is Friday, the week's almost over and we've gotten almost nowhere. I should add that: I homeschool, missed doing laundry on Monday because of the holiday, started a new homeschooling group {Classical Conversations} Tuesday, had a Dr.'s appt. and shopping for my mom's wedding to do on Wednesday, found out I'm anemic (on top of having low Vit. D - no wonder I crash in the afternoons!), and had a play date for the kids w/some other homeschoolers Thursday morning. I feel like a week in, we're already behind!

I am glad that the onslaught of other activities haven't started, putting more into our schedule. Maybe easing into all the activities (Awana, children's choir, dance, and Ladies' Small Group) is a good thing. Time to get myself organized. So far, I haven't made a good transition back to school.

The factor that makes it all work - we homeschool! I don't have to have it all together all at once (Thank God!.) We can get a slow start, like the tortiose, but if we rev up and keep going steady, we'll still win the race. That rabbit that took off out of the gate sprinting will have nothing on us!

Now, I'm going to go get ready for another day of teaching, running the house, and trying to keep everyone healthily fed! It works for us (even though some days it just works us :).

For all those moms out there working their own schedules and managing their families, I send blessing, grace, mercy, and peace as you lead your children into the world one step at a time - no matter whether that's by way of homeschool, private school, or public school. Take time to drink a cup of coffee (or tea, or smoothie) and keep in touch with your mommy friends as the school year takes off like the space shuttle - on a holiday week.

Ahhh...Quiet

Yesterday I had one of the best gifts ever for a mommy - I had a day off! A true day off. 24 hours with no kids. No demands. No whining. No arguing. No interruptions during dinner, or a good book, or in the bathroom. It was marvelous.

I love my kids, but I also cherish time by myself to recharge. This may sound repetitive (as several of my posts in the last couple of weeks have been about Mommy Time), but it is still true. I tried to think back to the last time I had a day completely by myself and I came up with that it's been 23 months. That would be 9 months of pregnancy and the first 14 months of my littlest one's life. That's a long time. I've had afternoons off and a few hours here and there, but there's nothing quite like spending a whole day in your nightgown uninterrupted.

I also got to go to a Thirty-One party (the night before, after dropping the kids off), which was great gal time. So, I had a little bit of both types of mommy time.

I was very happy to see all my sweet ones when they arrived home around dinner time last night, and was recharged and ready to go again. And today, I am reaping the rewards of my time off in feeling much more capable of doing what is demanded of me day-in and day-out to raise four children under 8, take care of my house, and homeschool.

I had plans to get all sorts of writing, revising and submitting done on my day off. I did a little. However, I don't feel like I wasted my time at all. There is definitely something to taking a day of rest. There's a reason God called us to do so. As moms, we aren't able to get a day off once a week, even if we dont' do anything but parent and throw some cold cereal at them to eat. No, we need to be deliberate about making that time. I am fortunate enough to have a mom close enough and willing to keep all the kids for me once in a while. I know not everyone does. I can think of several other moms I know personally who don't. So, after my wonderful, fabulous, restful day, my main thought is, "Who can I give this gift to?" That's what I'll work on next.

Tell Me About It: by Carolyn Hax

I don't always agree with what Caroline Hax says, but this time, she's hit the bullseye.

Great Deal at AMF

had a good time at the AMF bowling alley this morning - two moms, 7 kids! (I couldn't have done it without you, Leigh Anne!) kids get 2 games free all summer long. go to: www.kidsbowlfree.com to register.

Mommy Times

Now that we've discussed getting time alone as a Mommy to recharge, we will move to another important version of Mommy Time. That's time with other mommies! These times I relish as much as my time by myself. And there are many ways to do this.

There have been innumerable "Mommy and Me" classes and times popping up everywhere in the last few decades. I think that moms used to get together and hang out, but our current culture is so scheduled and organized, that we now have to schedule this time with each other.

A beautiful picture I have in my head is of cultures such as many of the Native American cultures. The men and older boys went out on hunts and the women worked together and watched the children - together. They was often a central place where the work was done so that women could visit, teach, and encourage each other as they worked. I think we are missing something by being isolated in our personal, family, and work lives. We are missing natural fellowship.

But, there are ways to get it. For me, one of the best ways is joining a women's Bible study. These times of growing in the Lord and in relationships with other women are priceless. There are also Mom's time out, MOPS, and many other groups that you can find in most communities. Lisa Welchel (author of Taking Care of the Me in Mommy) talks about getting together with a group of mommy friends weekly in their house. However it happens (whether you find a good group or start a good group) these times are a wonderful way to encourage and receive encouragement from other moms. We all have different strengths we can play off of as we converse and learn from each other. And, the fellowship is usually awesome.

Romans 1:12 ... that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith.

More Mommy Time

For those of you who are not a fan of the early morning hours or who have children who wake up at the crack of dawn or have to be at work too early to make these hours viable, don't give up hope! There are always ways to find Mommy Time. If your children are young enough, nap time is always a good time. Even if they don't all nap, this may be the time to stick the slightly older ones in front of a video (I'm not a huge fan of tv, but it comes in handy the 1-2 hours my kids are allotted a day.) While often our inclination during this time is to start working on the never-ending chore list (as I'm doing at this moment), sometimes it's best to use this time to rest, recharge, and regroup. A 30 minute to hour rest may make you more efficient in your work the rest of the time that you have.

Another option (one I am a huge fan of) is play dates. While everyone doesn't have convenient play dates you would actually want you children hanging out with, we are fortunate in this area. There are also friends we have to schedule and make time for. But it's worth it! This is one of the many areas moms can trade off in. I take your child(ren) today, you take mine tomorrow. Now, granted, with four children and them all being so small, it is a rarity when their all not at home. The one-year-old never gets play dates, the three-year-old seldom. But I know that time will come and I do what I can to create a quiet atmosphere and send as many on play dates at the same time as possible. Sometimes it ends up that I have an extra child and have one of my own out, but it all works out eventually. Well, kind of. I have to be very intentional about creating this haven of time in my chaotic mother-of-four-under-eight-homeschooling-etc-life.

The important thing is to recognize your need for quiet time, to be intentional creating it, and using it wisely (this is not the time to "browse" the computer or fold 6 loads of laundry.) Remember, you need rest. You can pick how you rest, but make sure it's recharging to you.

Time for Mom

I'll start off my recommendations for finding Mommy Time that is the least popular. But, especially for moms like me that are home full time and homeschool several small children, it is often the only time I get. That is: early mornings. Don't stop reading! Just because I mentioned the worst way many moms could imagine to get time. I used to be just like you. I was the college student who was in bed by ten and usually slept until about seven, later if I didn't have an early class or have to be at work early. I really loved my sleep. I never realized before becoming a mom how much children would impact that one aspect of my life.

When my first child was about three months old when I remember lay in bed crying because I was exhausted. Not only was I exhausted though, I was tired of being exhausted. And that was only three months in. (I was not one of those fortunate women who got a baby who was sleeping eight to ten hours by two months old. EVER! None of my children slept more than five to seven hour stretches until they were eleven months old.) When my second was about six months old, I was going through it again. Of course, this time I was also at home full time and was watching three other children (making a total of five, with four of them being two and under.) Needless to say, I was not getting any Mommy Time. And I was not getting enough sleep. In my desperate prayers to get more sleep, God provided a slightly different answer: He brought me to Proverbs 20:13. Do not love sleep or you will grow poor; stay awake and you will have food to spare. Wow. That socked me right in the chest. I was loving sleep. Not loving motherhood. And I was seeking the wrong thing to become a better friend with motherhood.

I stopped counting hour many hours of sleep I lost and began to focus more on other things. I also got invited to a Bible Study (that'll be another day's post.) I did sleep through the night again, I did have two more babies and go through two more years of interrupted sleep, but through it all, I began to cherish the early morning hours I ended up awake. Whether it was in the middle of the night and the baby was back to sleep, or the early morning just as the sun was coming up, these times became precious. I don't always get these times. I try to listen to my body and make sure I'm getting enough rest to function at full throttle all day long, but when I get them, they are golden. No other time is the house silent for hours. No other time is there not some distraction of the computer or phone to steal my attention. No other time am I fairly safe from interruption for more than ten minutes. No other time am I not fully engaged in listening for what's going on in the other rooms. No other time can I read and study my Bible and talk to God in the unique way quiet brings.

On those mornings I'm woken up by one child or the other calling me or climbing into my bed, I miss my quiet time. I love those moments, too, it's all about balance. But getting spend some time alone with myself, my God, my exercise video, and sometimes my cup of coffee, is like starting the day with a full tank of gas and a freshly washed windshield. I don't get it every day, but when I do, I can tell the difference.

Mommy Time

I have found that one of the most challening things as a mom is to find Mommy Time (okay, I'll admit that my list of challenging things as a mom is fairly long, but this is definitely on it.) Especially having four children under eight. Especially homeschooling. My children, all four of the precious darlings, are home with me all day every day. I've been home full time on and off during my motherhood years, but when I worked it was only one or two days a week, and no, I did NOT see it as a break. For me, for my introverted 50%, I need complete down, uninterrupted time for me to count it as Mommy Time. For the 50% extroverted part of me, I need times where I can be with other adults and talk about, well adult things.

First, let me be clear on one point: I love being a mother. I would not trade it for anything else in the world. That doesn't mean that I don't plan on doing anything else in the world, even while they're little (after all, here I am blogging), but that doesn't mean I don't love being a mother. Even given it's far more demanding than I ever dreamed. Even though it's far more work than I ever imagined. Even though I have more negative emotions than I ever thought possible. I love being around my children, laughing with them, playing with them, teaching them, and guiding them. But, I also love my Mommy Time. It's what recharges me to be a better mom to my children.

I have found, in my years of being a mom, part-time employee, wife, housekeeper, writer, speaker, and women's ministry leader, that Mommy Time doesn't just happen, it has to be created. And, there are almost innumerable ways to create it.

We all have different challenges in creating Mommy Time that affect us: some moms don't have family around, some moms are married to military men who are gone months at a time and/or move frequently, some moms have families they don't trust to watch their children, some moms feel guilty about leaving their children, some moms work part-time or full-time and don't feel they need other time without their children, some moms don't have money to pay a babysitter, some moms live in isolated places, some moms live in dangerous places. Regardless of what your challenges are, there is a way to overcome them. As with anything else, once you recognize a need (and Mommy Time, in one form or another, is a need - it helps us to be better mothers. I can't overstate it's importance) and the challenges to meeting that need, you come to a crossroad: you can either walk away from the hurdle in front of you, or you can choose to back up, examine the hurdle, and figure out the best way to sail over it. It may be more work initially, but the rewards will be well worth it.

Second, I want be clear on something else. Some moms take Mommy Time to extremes. Everything is about them, getting their needs met, being pampered, and not letting their children inconvenience their lives. That is not the kind of time I'm talking about. My children are a huge inconvenience to my life (if by inconvenience you mean interrupting my ideas of doing what I want when I want how I want,) but they are the most blessed inconveniences I've ever been graced with. From the moment I became pregnant with my first child, my main focus for her and the others to come behind her, was to do the job of mothering to my utmost ability. Mommy Time works in that scheme by helping me stay balanced and healthy, not to stroke my ego, make life easy, or reduce my responsibilities as a mom. It is the emotional equivelant to sleep. When we sleep (whether a full night's sleep or a nap to make up for months of interrupted sleep), it recharges our bodies. That is the goal of Mommy Time: to recharge you so you can not just be a good mother, but to be the best mother you can be.

Recharging

Do you need a recharge? Is life crazy? Busy? Draining you instead of reviving you? Can you believe the school year starts back up in a month and a half? Why don't you schedule in a retreat for yourself in the fall, in between school starting and the business of the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday season? Just 24 hours can recharge you and fill you with life-changing encouragement.

The Abundant Life Conference for Women is being held November 12-13, 2010 in beautiful Williamsburg, VA. The $75 registration fee includes all sessions, 2 meals, and a snack. Get a hotel room at the Holiday Inn Patriot for $79 (for up to 4 people) and breakfast will also be included. Early registration ends August 31, so click here to print your registration form and send it in today! We look forward to a special time of drawing closer together as women, moms, sisters, friends, and, most importantly, daughters of God!

What we do to be Healthy - Part 2

The second major change is to start reading labels. That is, reading the nutritional information and the ingredients on the prepackaged items you do buy. You will be amazed at how eye-opening this is. I first began reading labels when I started watching my carb intake. First you look at the contents: calories, fat, saturated fat, trans fat, and carbohydrates. Then you look at the serving size. This is where much of the shock comes in. And often the knowledge you need to make healthy eating changes.
I’ve caught myself, more times than I care to count, saying, ‘There’s that many (insert: calories, carbs, fat) in that!’ It almost seems impossible that there could be that much shoved into such a small serving size. But, once you start reading labels, you will understand much more about why many of us are so unhealthy. You can even do this when it comes to eating out. Most fast food restaurants and many other restaurants have their nutritional information on line (although once you read it, it will almost seem ironic that it’s called ‘nutritional’ information.)

Women's Conference Scholarship

Want to go to an awesome Women's conference, but don't have the $75 for registration? Scholarship applications are being accepted through July 1 - which is NEXT Thursday! Go to http://www.smithmemorial.org/clientimages/17765/pdf/abundantlifebrochurewithmailer4.pdf for the brochure/registration.

Spritual Richness

The difference between the spiritually rich and the spiritually poor is that the spiritually rich pray, read the Bible, and seek God first & spend what time they have left on everything else, while the spiritually poor spend their time on everything else and hope to have time to pray, read the Bible, and seek God. (adapted from financial formula in Today Matters by John C. Maxwell)