Last Bit of Weed Picking

There's one last thing about getting rid of the weeds of your life that I cannot leave out: Forgiveness. It is hard, but absolutely necessary. And we all have someone to forgive.

If you don't choose to forgive those who have planted the weeds in your life, it is like planting your own.

My children love working in the garden with me. Sometimes they weed. Sometimes they water my plants. Sometimes they dig and play. One day, they decided to make their own garden in the area I hadn't planted anything yet. They dug and pulled little weeds and had a great time. Then, in the middle of their working area, they planted a tall, not too bad looking weed. They were very proud of that weed in "their" garden. That's what unforgiveness is like. It's like planting a weed that looks harmless, but produces no fruit and will steal nutrients from the things in our lives that are meant to produce fruit.

The first step to forgiveness is recognizing what forgiveness truly is. And is not. Forgiveness is not saying that the harm someone caused is okay. In our house, when an offense is committed, the offending party has to say, "I'm sorry I ...." The receiving party is not allowed to say, "It's okay." Instead, they are to say, "I forgive you." I learned this when my oldest two were very young. I don't want the offending party to think that what they did was okay. It wasn't! Instead, I wanted to teach them to forgive, letting go of the offense and not holding the other party in blame forever.

That's not to say that the offending party doesn't have consequences. Forgiving doesn't mean we act like it didn't happen. It simply means we're not going to hold on the the negative feelings associated with the offense. After all, who does that hurt? The offending party, or the offended? Not forgiving means reinjuring the one who got hurt with negative feelings and thoughts. The one who did the offense is by then off and playing and care free.

Forgiveness allows you to say that something happened, it was not right, it was hurtful, but you're not going to hold on to that hurt.

Recognizing that we too have done things wrong and hurt others will help us forgive. As we accept the forgiveness that others, and mostly God, have given us, we can more easily forgive others. "Forgiveness is... a decision; I choose to forgive. Obeying God. Taking responsibility for my actions and attitudes. Choosing ot live God's love, joy, and peace." (12 Steps to Becoming a More Organized Mom: Positive and Practical Tips for Busy Moms, by Lane P. Jordan)

When we are hurt, we have a choice. We don't have a choice about being hurt, but we have a choice about holding on to that hurt or letting it go. When we choose to let it go, we relieve ourselves of "the burdens of bitterness and resentment and lay them at the feet of Jesus, one who understands and even bears our suffering and pain." (The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars: Who Decides What Makes a Good Mother, by Miriam Peskowitz)

Isaiah 53:5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Luke 4:14-21 Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside. He taught in their synagogues, and everyone praised him.
He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. And he stood up to read. The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written: "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began by saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing."

1 Peter 2:24He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

Uprooting the Weeds of Life

So, how do we get rid of those weeds? Those hurts and scars that we carry with us from a variety of experiences. First, we shouldn't try to get rid of them all at once. When I'm gardening and try to grab a handful of weeds to pull up, it is much more difficult. I use less effort overall pulling one or two weeds at a time. There are some that are not as well rooted that I can grab a handful of, but then there are those I have to work on individually. Knowing the difference will be helpful as you tackle emotional weeds.

As a counselor, I believe in the benefit of going to a counselor for guidance and assistance in dealing with some things. Especially the more deeply rooted items. In my garden, I use a tool to help with the stubborn weeds, and the same can be done in life. But, also as a counselor, I recognize that all counselors are not equal and recommend only using one who comes from a Biblical-worldview. They will guide you to healing through God's grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness. Many others will try to convince you that healing comes from getting better at getting your needs met.

I also know that many people aren't comfortable with or in a position to go to counseling. You can still heal and get rid of the weeds. You simply have to be willing to do the work.

The first step is to look around at anything that may be perpetuating the weeds. Are there relationships that encourage their growth? What thought patterns nurture them? What behaviors keep them around? You don't want to abandon good friends and you most certainly don't want to dissolve your marriage, breaking vows that are meant to be for a lifetime, but you want to surround yourself with people who will offer Godly encouragement and wisdom. They don't even necessarily have to know what your dealing with. If you have them in your life, and God has something to say through them, it will happen.

Next, thought patterns are to be tackled. What and how we think affects what we do and how we relate to people. You may not be able to recognize negative or harmful thought patterns, especially if they've been around a long time. However, as you delve into the Bible, God will begin to plant seeds of His Word that will produce fruit in your life. The Word and prayer (simply communicating with God) are an unstoppable power to transform life.

As your thoughts change, so will your actions. You will no longer set yourself up for failure. You will no longer sabotage relationships. You will no longer let the weeds of your past rise up and choke the vegetable- and fruit-bearing things of your life. (Yes, we are to be fruitful, but vegetables are important produce, too.)

While I just went through the Reader's Digest version in a few paragraphs, this is an on-going process. The work you have to do will depend on the amount, size, and depth of the weeds in your life. It may look like too much as you survey the landscape, but by pulling one weed at a time, you will change the looks of it for good.

Rearranging Life

I like this time of year. The kids can get outside and play. We don't have the pool up, which means I can leave them outside by themselves. My garden is planted (mostly) and is beginning to be fruitful. The weeds are trying to take over my garden.

Really, I do like the last part. Most people despise weeds. You would think I would after spending hours upon hours pulling them out this week with plenty more to get to. However, gardening is very good for my blood sugars, keeps me outside with the kids, and is therapeutic in that it allows me to think as I work.

Yesterday, I was hoeing a new row for my watermelon plants. God always teaches me something through my work in my garden, and yesterday was no different. As I was building my new, elevated row, I paused here and there to take uprooted weeds and toss them aside (I pile them in the "ditches" between the rows; a big pile of dead weeds and some newspaper keep new weeds from growing back.) As I did so, I thought about how we often rearrange things in our lives without really dealing with them or submitting them to God.

That's what I was doing, after all. I was rearranging the dirt and the weeds into a pile. We often deal with the hurts, disappointments, losses, and tragedies in our lives the same way. We rearrange things. We move. We try on a new job. Or a new wardrobe. Or a new husband. Or a new church. Or a new religion. We try to move things around in our lives, not realizing that we've simply piled the dirt on top of the weeds. We can't see them and therefore think they're gone. But, just like the weeds in my garden, left long enough, they will creep back through and take over again.

We will have the same relational conflicts with new people. We will find just as many things wrong with our new job. We will need even newer clothes. We will be dissatisfied that the current church or belief system we're trying out doesn't quite do what we thought it would. Then, most likely we will try rearranging things again. Why? Because it's easier.

As I built my new row, the quickest and easiest thing to do (although it doesn't feel easy, because I was putting so much work in to rearranging things with the hoe) is to leave things moved around. It looked nice. I'd done so much work already. However, to truly deal with the weeds, I needed to spend the extra time, energy, and effort to remove them. It required squatting, digging, and pulling. It took even more work, but it will be worth it in the long run.

We need to do the same with the weeds that have grown up in our lives. We all have them. It's not an easy task, but it is worth it in the long run.

Working in the Garden