The Little Things

I have always liked little things. I played with dolls as a young girl, but it was more the tiny clothes, furniture, and accessories I was most fascinated with. If I'd been able, I'd have had a whole miniature house set up. As an adult, I discovered tiny cups you could get printed with names. My mother-in-law has a set, she received as gifts from me years ago.

Just over twelve years ago I began getting a whole new set a little things in my life. The first born of our family arrived a couple weeks early and weighed just over 6 pounds. My goodness did I love that little body! Even though I was stressed and exhausted and hormonal beyond comprehension.

Two years later came our only baby boy at exactly 6 pounds. I had a little experience at this point, so even though I struggled with hormones, depression, and fatigue again, I could not have loved him more.

Our cycle seemed to be two years as precious gifts number 3 and 4 came at the same intervals. Motherhood was becoming more familiar to me by this point and each one seemed to get easier (in what I knew to do, if not in personality - but that's a whole other post!)

Now we are at what I like to call the "Golden Stage." No teenagers yet - the oldest is 12 - and everyone's way past diapers and total dependence - the youngest just turned 6.

But there are also moments I miss the tininess of a baby. The little toes. The fingers that are smaller than a caterpillar. The minuscule mouth that seems to be gifted in making unlimited expressions and noises. I take any chance I can get to hold, love, and cuddle with a little bitty.

However, I also know very well that just as my kiddos have grown into these great children who are fairly capable, they will before I know it grow into great, very capable adults. 

That's why I'm making sure I'm focusing on the little things. The song that's sung during play. The moments they are all getting along. Being read to. Reading with. Random snuggles and kisses. The question I have no idea how to answer. The question I answer easily - which prompts me to say, "You have more questions like that? Shoot them my way!" The quiet moments. The noisy moments. The teachable moments. The laughter. The tears. The celebrations. the sharing of - anything.

These are the moments that are the greatest treasure of my life. I read a book recently that reminded me I am not promised these moments tomorrow. I must treasure them today. Hopefully I will get more tomorrow, and next week, and next year, and for the rest of my life, but I can't count on that. 

Therefore, I will take snapshots with my camera and with my mind. I will close a book, shut off the computer, not turn the TV back on. I will hide these things in my heart. I will not let them slip away unnoticed.

And no one will ever be able to take away these most precious, most invaluable, most important little things.

Making More Time 6

Around this time of year (and most, really), many of us need more time. And this tip in particular. In the middle of everything going on, all the responsibilities we have, and running around, we must remember to Include The Fun Stuff. These are the things that help us to maintain our relationships, sanity, and health.

Jesus said: "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." (John 10:10) Life is often not easy. There is stress, hurt, and lots of work involved. One of the ways we live life abundantly (the main way is to completely rely on, trust in, and obey God) is to take time to enjoy the time we have.

God never calls us to simply be busy for busyness' sake. He calls us to be fruitful for His kingdom. Our busyness can inhibit our discipleship - growing in our relationship with God and fostering relationships with other. Whatever that may be, we should seriously consider letting it go. And make room for life to be enjoyed.

Everything, however, doesn't have to be perfect for us to enjoy life. God tells us to take captive every thought. That means we can have right, true, pure, and good thoughts regardless of what's going on. And having a positive attitude helps us to enjoy life. Even chores can become fun when we have the right attitude. Turn up the music. Make it a game. Leave the dishes once in a while and go play with the kids. They'll remember that more anyhow.

And remember: balance, balance, balance! If you always leave the chores for fun, life will become chaotic and dirty. But if you always leave fun for chores, life will be depressed and grumpy. And as you utilize all the tips for making more time, you'll naturally be more balanced.

Making More Time Part 5

Did I mention organization? Oh, yeah, I did. Well, it's that important in making more time, so we're going to talk about it again. Taking the Time to Organize is our next step in making more time in our busy, over-scheduled lives.

In organization, it's true that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. The easier things are to find, the quicker you'll find them. Have you ever chased an item or two down, wasting precious time when you're trying to head out the door? Or marking things off your to-do list, only to spend half an hour searching for some essential piece of the puzzle? I think we've all been there.

On a large scale, imagine the library without organization. You have one particular book in mind, and you wonder around the library searching for the title among several thousand books thrown on the shelf in order that they came in, instead of by category or alphabetized. Think that would take a little more time than getting the call number or knowing where to look by the author?

On a smaller scale, the same is true for how we run our homes. However, you don't have to be an organizational master! Start small (where you put your keys, shoes, mail.) Recruit help to get started. If organization isn't your strength, surely someone in your life is good at it. And most likely, they'd be more than willing to pitch in and help out. My mother does several times a year - whether it is toys or clothes, in a house of four kids I often need help!

Set clear goals. Know what needs to be done when. Then they're easier to reach. What areas of home-management do you need the most help with organization? What tasks do you do on a regular basis that would run smoother if you had a more consistent routine?

As helps, lists, calendars, and day planners are available in abundance (or make your own!). These give concreteness to what needs to be down and helps reduce conflicts. Our brains are busy and often overloaded with extraneous data. Writing things down and being able to see what needs to be done is very helpful. And, when the calendar gets to full, it's a clue that it's time to return to steps two and four.

Don't worry if you're not a list/calendar person, though. These are simply tools! If it's not working for you (and make sure it doesn't become that you're working for it), then it's no longer a tool, but a burden. If that happens, reevaluate again and figure out what works for you.

We all have the same 24 hours a day, we simply have to balance our responsibilities and desires with how we use those hours. Organization will go a long way in helping us use our time efficiently and see when we need to unload a thing or two.

Making More Time Part 4

The fourth step in making more time is a fun one. Can you feel the sarcasm dripping off the page? This is actually one of the most difficult to face. We've addressed it somewhat in looking at how we spend our time and making sure we're redeeming our time for the most important things. But, today we go a step further. Today we look at: Eliminating or reducing time stealers.

If we're brave enough to examine how our time's truly spent, we will find that our lives tend to be full of time stealers. These are the things that are unnecessary. Things that bring comfort, or some pleasure, or simply offer distraction. But if we're complaining that we don't have time to do everything and these things take up a good part of our time, we have to be willing to acknowledge them.

So, here we go. I'm just going to throw them out there without much comment. After all, I struggle in many of these areas, too.

Television - how often does 30 minutes turn into 3 hours (or more)?

Computer/internet - have you ever gotten lost in the web maze?

Unnecessary extra-curricular activities - Do we need to be involved in everything we're involved in? Even if they're all good things?

Things to meet others' expectations - This doesn't mean we ignore responsibilities, but how much of what we do is because someone else things we should?

Arbitrary rules - many of us have "rules" that we live by, usually things that began as good habits by us or others. But we adapt them as rules we have to live by and they often become stressors. Does the house have to be cleaned every week? Do all meals need to be cooked from scratch? Can we not recruit help in some needed areas? What rules have you made for yourself that you could let go of?

Disorganization - Looking for lost items expends a lot of time and energy. If everything has a place and you take the few moments to put it where it belongs, you will save yourself gobs of time that would be spent looking for it.

Remember, if you don't have enough time to do everything, something has to change for you to have time for the important things. What stealers can be reduced or let go? I promise the long-term payoff is better than the short term pleasure of that time-stealing item!

Making More Time Part 3

So, the journey to find more time continues. After you've begun to monitor your time and opened yourself up to make changes, the third step is to Redeem Your Time for the Most Important Things.

1 Corinthians 15:58 Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

We tend to have so many options for things to do to fill up our time, that it's easy to let the less important things slip in and push the more important things out of the way. If I were asked, I'd say that the most important things in my life are:

Faith

Family

Friendships

Finances

Fun

It's easy to claim these are my priorities, but if I'm willing to be honest and inspect my life closer, I have to ask: Am I living them out? It's much easier to say what our priorities are than it is to spend our time on what we say is most important. Are you willing to compare what you say your priorities are with how you spend your time?

That doesn't mean that if you spend 8 hours a day sleeping and 8 hours a day at work that those are your top priorities. God gave us sleep and calls us to work (whether it's within or outside of the home.) I'm talking more about our flexible time. The time we have that's more negotiable in how we spend it.

If you were to look at your time and make a chart of pie graph, what would it look like? In a typical week, how do you spend your time? How much time do you spend:

Quiet time with God in prayer and/or personal Bible study

Self-care (shower, makeup, nails, hair, etc.)

Physical fitness (exercising)

Watching TV

Non-work time on computer

Working

Housework (cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work, etc.)

Time with children (taking care of and spending fun time with)

Errands and extra-curricular activities

Church attendance

Care of family members (not children)

Time with friends

Time with Spouse

Ministering to others (cooking meals, helping with errands, making gifts, visiting, babysitting, etc.)

After an honest look, are you living out your priorities? If not, what small changes can be made to move the most important things to the top of your time-list?

Making More Time Part 2

In making more time, once you become aware of your time through monitoring it, the next step is to open yourself up for change. If you want to experience change (i.e. no longer feeling overwhelmed and like time's running away from you) then you have to be willing to make changes.

Even the small changes can be hard, but the payoff's immeasurable. Think back. Is there one habit you've changed in the past that's helped you use your time more effectively? Even though there might have been an adjustment period, didn't it make things run more smoothly? One thing I've changed is making sure I put my keys in the same place every time I come home. That way, when it's time to walk out the door and I'm trying to make sure myself and all the kids have everything they're supposed to have, I don't even have to think about where the keys are.

The second reason to open your self to change is that God wants to refine you through the use of your time.

Psalm 66:10 For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver.

Daniel 12:10 Many will be purified, made spotless and refined, but the wicked will continue to be wicked. None of the wicked will understand, but those who are wise will understand.

As long as we're on this earth, there's work God can do and wants to do in us. It may have to do with our time, our attitudes, our thoughts, our relationships, or our money. All of these things take time, and if we simply open ourselves up to God, He will do an amazing work in us.

If we feel like we never have time to do everything, chances are we've taken on more than God's called us to. Something may have worked for a while, but then more or different responsibilities came into the picture and we didn't want to let go of anything.

If we're hanging onto something in our life that we should have let go, our hand stays clenched around that thing and remains closed to the additional blessings God may have waiting to pour down on us.

What have you been holding onto that God wants you to let go of so He can our more blessings down on you?

Next, and closely related to the previous reason for being open to change, is that God wants to transform you through the use of your time.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

2 Corinthians 3:18 And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

If we don't have time to spend with God in His Word and in prayer, we are not fully living in His will. These are the ways God transforms us. There's no set time to spend with God that's necessary to draw closer to Him, but some time is essential.

Are you willing to ask God what time He wants you to give Him one-on-one?

Making More Time

Do you ever feel like time flies by without notice? That there is never enough time to get everything done that you need to get done? In our world of hurry and scurry, most of us feel overwhelmed with responsibilities and short on time. The good thing is that there are ways to make more time! Think about it: more time to enjoy your family, more time to spend with God, more time to sleep. What a wonderful thought. Over the next few weeks, my posts will focus on the tricks and tools I've learned to make more time, something that's a work in progress.

The first step to making more time is to: Monitor how you spend your time.

Why is this important? A few reasons.

1 - God cares how we spend our time. Does He really? According to the Word, He does. Here are just a couple examples of God addressing what He thinks about our time usage:

2 Thess. 3:11 We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies.

1 Timothy 5:13 Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to.

These verses address what God thinks about our wasting time. I couldn't even begin to include scriptures that talk about how we should spend our time: in hymns of praise, encouraging each other, loving each other, taking care of each other, preaching the gospel. All we have while on this earth is time. How we spend it determines many things in our lives: how hard we work determines our grades or pay or promotion. How much time and the kind of time we spend with our children goes a long way to determining our relationships with them. Our time spent with other loved ones, including God, determines the depth and health of those relationships. Time is the one thing, once spent, can never be regained. And it matters how we spend it.

What would you say if I said we have more time today than people (as a general rule) than ever before? You'd probably look at me like I'd lost my mind. We do, though! The more conveniences we get in life, the more idle time we have. We simply fill it up. We fill it up with sports and parties and dinners and browsing the web and watching TV and reading books and sitting around talking. We have tons of idle time (for the most of us) when we're not working on our livelihood or maintaining our homes. We simply fill all that time up.

However, it's important to remember that we have one purpose on this earth and that’s to be a disciple of Christ. That can include the fun things and the relaxing things, but it's important to remember that those are not the most important things.

And nothing says we can't rest!God allows for rest, but in our society we take much more than the one/seventh of each week to rest. We view any time we spend on working, chores, and ministry as taking away from our time. The truth is, all of our time is a gift from God and should be used wisely.

2 - If we’re not conscience of our time, we’re more likely to waste it. How often do you get to the end of a day, or a week, or a month and wonder exactly where the time has gone? Time seems to simply slip away when we're not paying attention. That doesn't mean we are to ignore our responsibilities and watch the clock to value each moment. Scripture even addresses this:

Romans 13:11-14 But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don't loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! (Msg)

So how do you monitor your time without wasting more time monitoring it? Organization is one way. However, I know that not everyone is an organization master. But you don’t have to write a to-do list every day or keep physical track of your time. It's often helpful to do so, but isn't a requirement. Being intentional about how you use your time – both active time and rest time – will, however, help you be more fruitful instead of just busier.

3 - Living in the moment we have, with a grateful attitude for every single breath and gift from God, will increase your time exponentially. When we race from one thing to the next and are always looking forward, we miss the blessings of the moment, feel rushed, and actually lose time. Working on being fully present in the moment we’re in helps us not only feel like we have more time, but will dramatically decrease stress and increase joy.

Are you fully here right now? Or are you wondering if the house is being destroyed while you’re away or the list of things you have to do tomorrow, or next week, or even next month? Pause and take a moment to engage fully in this moment. What are you grateful for? What gifts has God given you today? Savor them. Be grateful for them. Ask God to help you recognize them.

Then ask Him to help make you aware of your time.

ii. Take a moment, engage in this second fully, and list 10 things you’re grateful for at this moment.

Christians and Halloween

It's interesting to me that I've heard more discussion about Christians and Halloween in the last week than I have my entire life. I can honestly say that for the majority of my life, I never gave the holiday a second thought. Growing up, I dressed up (although I can't remember a single costume I wore) and trick-or-treated at the dozen houses in close enough proximity to do so. As an adult, I've attended costume parties (I do remember a few of those costumes), get-togethers, and handed out candy to neighborhood children. I'm not sure exactly when the change started, but sometime after becoming a parent myself, I began to look at it from a slightly different angle. I'm sure my maturing faith and growing closer and learning to be more heedful of God in my life played a role as well.

Still, I've never once considered completely giving up doing anything on Halloween. Both of the churches I've attended have done fall festivals - one on Halloween day, one not. The festivals focus on fellowship, fun, and food. In other words, your normal Baptist fare. Costumes are allowed, as long as they're not scary.

This year, however, I observed a passionate discussion between some Christians that began over one's opinion that Christians should absolutely, in no way shape or form, take part in Halloween or its celebrations. The main argument was that Halloween has deep roots in pagan rituals. It began as a pagan celebration that's been white-washed and adapted to the American commercial culture. We are in a spiritual war and participating in Halloween opens us up to spiritual attack from our enemy, the devil.

The counter, argued that in Romans 14 God clearly addresses how Christians are to respond to the world and pagan rituals. In discussing eating things offered to idols, the Word says to seek God and either eat or don't eat with a clear conscious. He never says don't eat. He also says that nothing in and of itself is unclean. That includes Halloween - nothing means nothing.

However, it also says not to put a stumbling block in another's path, a statement another fellow Christian made in a completely different discussion about Halloween I found myself in. So what does that mean for Christians?

It means to seek God. Keep the issue between you and Him. And be willing to give up whatever your ideas are about the holiday and its traditions. Whenever we begin to espouse our opinions and what God's lead us to do over love and edification of each other, we have missed the point.

Another comment made in the latter discussion is that we are to be light in the world. How do we do this in relation to Halloween? For some it's completely pulling out of anything to do with it. For others, it's offering alternatives. For our family it's taking part in something that is very cultural, but in a slightly different way.

We allow our kids to dress up, but nothing scary is allowed. We allow them to go trick-or-treating and see neighbors we don't normally see after the weather gets cold. We also hand out candy, each peace with a scripture stapled to it. These tiny pieces of paper are surely discarded as quickly as the wrapper, but curiosity almost ensures that it will at least be read by some. And who knows? Maybe this is the only time some children will ever hear the words of the one, true, and holy God. Maybe a parent is struggling, has lost their way, or has never heard the Word themselves, and that one sentence will make an impact. (God's word is powerful and accomplishes things on its own.)

In addition, we hand out cider and chili to the parents that are supervising trick-or-treating. I'll be honest to say a warm cup on a cold night has never began a conversation about God. But I regretfully admit I've never prayed that it would. That an unexpected door would be opened. From now on, however, I will. And maybe a heart will be softened and open to the gospel because of a small giving gesture.

This is how we choose to be light in world full of darkness and a holiday steeped in historical darkness.

In the end it doesn't matter for you what I do with Halloween. In the end, it matters if you're willing to submit completely to obedience to God and how He leads you to handle this holiday. We are not to quarrel over disputable matters. Halloween is not directly addressed in Scripture (although passages on other pagan rituals are there to guide us) and is not a make-it-or-break-it issue for salvation. That makes it a disputable matter. We shouldn't extract a few scriptures to back up our point of view either, but take scripture as a whole and with an openness to God about this, as well as about the other details in our lives. God might surprise us. He might confirm us. Most assuredly He will bring us together as one and bring glory to Himself.

Motivation to Minister

As I sat and listened to a man struggle through talking about his experiences during Vietnam - what he saw, the nightmares that have lasted for more than 40 years, and the changes those experiences made in his life and marriage - I was reminded something a friend said recently: People are hurting. And we need to reach them where they're hurting, minister to them, care for them, and touch their lives in a healing way. And tonight I was reminded. By a man who is strong. A man who's committed to the Lord and his family. A man who continues to live and give. A man who continues to hurt because of trauma and devestation he saw over 40 years ago. People are hurting.

They hurt because of past or present abuse - physical, sexual, and/or emotional. They hurt because of abandonment. They hurt because of lies and deceit. They hurt because of traumatic experiences - accidents, fires, floods, tornadoes. They hurt because of others' selfishness. People hurt.

Taking a panoramic view of people and their pain can be overwhelming. But if we look at one person at a time and minister to their hurt, we will be able to make a difference. If we call them when they're going through a rough time. Send a card. Bring a meal. Clean a house. Watch children. Pray. Give. Encourage. Share. Love. It all makes a difference.

We miss these opportunities every day, just as we miss the opportunity to be thankful for the small things God gives us every day, but if we take the time, become intentional, we will impact lives.

When did someone love you? Share with you? Encourage you? Give to you? Pray for you? How were you impacted? Such small things, but big in life. The things that matter the most. The things that make life here on this fallen, sinful, ungrateful world better.

So, I'm grateful for the reminder. Of war. Of damage. Of carnage. Of pain. Because then I'm reminded of love. Of grace. Of healing. Of peace. Of God. He gifts us with everything we need to get through anything we may face and often that is each other.

People are hurting, which makes me ask: What can I do to help?

Giving Your Best

In my last post, I talked about my renewed dedication to give God my best. The post ended with the question, "Am I giving God my best?"

If I'm truthful in answering that, I'd say "Yes, sometimes." There are times I am on fire and productive and disciplined and keep up with things. There are other times I look at what needs to be done and know that it'll be there for me to do tomorrow. I focus on the luxaries others have and wish I had them. I shut down and shut off everything except what has to be done and what I feel like doing at that moment. And I'm learning that I waste a lot of time.

I'll repeat something else I said. Breaks are not bad. Downtime is not bad. But it can easily get out of balance and become priority. Am I working for my next break? How am I usuing my break? How long of a break do I take? Am I getting done everything I believe I'm called to do?

These questions, and probably a few more I'm just not thinking of right now, go into evaluating how we see our time, and especially our down time.

We tend to see our time as just that: our time. However, each second we have is a gift. We did not create ourselves. We did not bring ourselves into being. While there are many things we can do to be healthy and live longer, we cannot ultimately prevent our death at any given moment. That means each moment is a gift.

This concept was gracefully explained in a recent talk I was blessed to sit in on. The speaker was Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts, and a few things she said still reverberate through my head weeks later. One of them is this: We all have a Jew who gave His life so that we could have life. He paid our death penalty for us and therefore every breath we take is a gift. What would happen if we recognized each breath we intake as a gift?

Would we be as content to watch tv for hours a day? Would be crave surfing the net or checking out what's going on on Facebook? Would we growl at our children when they interrupt what we're doing? Would we be so concerned with how we look on the outside, spending much more time on what we wear and how our hair an make-up look than on growing in love and knowledge and wisdom of the Lord?

What would life look like?

Giving your best doesn't mean you don't ever do the above things, but you do them with care and make sure they don't become a priority over the better things. The best things. Sure, I'd love to kick back and veg, but God has called me to touch people's lives through writing and speaking the things He's working in me. When I've done that to my best for today, then I rest.

And if I haven't rested in Him today, that's where I should start. There is time...it's simply how we use it.

Changing Habits

This is usually the time of day I crash and say to myself, "I've been a mom, hostess, entertainer, chef, laundress, and all-around picker-upper all day and I deserve a break!" Then I crash in the recliner and veg out in front of the tv. Even if nothing good's on. Even though I had on today's to-do list to get some writing done. Even though it's been a good, full, blessed day. And most people would say, "You deserve it! Take a break."

Now, if you know me at all, or have read my blog for a while, you know that I tout "Balance, Balance, and more Balance!" So, let me start off by saying that I don't think breaks are bad. On the contrary, I think breaks are good and often necessary. If we don't feed ourselves (even by shutting down once in a while), we'll wear out and be no good to anyone. In the last week, I read a three-book series by an author I've only recently been introduced to. And when I read, I don't catch a half hour here and there. I become compulsive and obsessive about it, usually finishing a novel in 24-36 hours (and that includes a full night's sleep!) It's like a mini-vacation to me. So I definitely believe in and take breaks.

Tonight when I finish a busy day and want to crash, I remember the things I've neglected during my "mini-vacation", such as my own writing. I want to get it done. It's been processing in my head. But, if I don't sit down and do it, it's not going to write itself.

So, I popped up my blog and created this post. Despite my eyes being tired and my brain desiring to shut down. Why? Because I'm a verbal believer in doing things that are best, even if you don't feel like it.

Notice I said "verbal" believer. It's very easy to say the right thing and tell someone else to do what's right instead of what is easier or you want to do more. It is more difficult to discipline yourself to do so.

I am disciplined in some ways, but in others I fall into a cultural, lazy, I-deserve-a-break attitude. This is why I'm still trying to lose that last 20 pounds from my last child, who is now 2. This is why I haven't finished more books and gotten the ones I have through the editing process and ready to send off. This is why my house isn't always straight and has piles of paperwork here and there. The truth is: I do have time to do all things things. But sometimes I choose to waste my time and fritter it away.

Fortunately, God keeps placing excellent Biblical teachers in my path who are willing to share the truth in a way that penetrates my heart and gets my thinker-juices flowing in a different way. His way. The best way. Not the okay way. Or the comfortable way. Or even the good way. But the best. That's what He gave in His Son, His best, and that's all He asks in return. For me to give my best in loving Him and others. As I look at my time and my habits, I'm lead to ask: Am I giving my best?

A Mom's Set Free

Are ye so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh? Galatians 3:3

Last time I wrote, I was getting ready to go to what I knew would be a fantastic conference: She Speaks -a writers, speakers, and women’s ministry leaders conference. I’d been wanting to go to the conference for years and this year finally got the go ahead – from both God and my hubby.
Long before the time for the conference arrived, I got to know many (almost 300 were members) of the to-be attendees through the conference Facebook page. We shared anticipations, fears, prayer requests and an overall excitement about descending on Concord, NC all at the same time (with a total of 650 registered ladies and almost 100 staff and volunteers to run the conference!) There was no doubt in my mind that I would be blessed by my time there.
I was in no way, however, prepared for all that God would do. Throughout the weekend God blessed me with little gifts. A surprise roommate who was as warm, welcoming, and encouraging as I could ever ask for. Friends made, contacts received, networking going on, positive feedback from my publisher appointments (even if no closer to getting my nonfiction book published) and a fantastic speaker evaluation group experience. I was confident, prepared, and all around having a great time.

Then the Saturday worship session came along. We were blessed to have Ann Voskamp, the author of One Thousand Gifts, as the speaker. Her stories touched hearts, moved people, and made you think. Then something totally unexpected happened, something I was completely unprepared for. God used the words of Ann, along with my own words and scriptures I’d used in my speaker evaluation talks, to reach down deeper into my soul than I knew existed. He grabbed hold of hurts and false beliefs I thought I’d gotten rid of a long time ago, pulled them up to the surface, let me feel them, and then healed them. Yes, I was one of those snot-slinging, tear-wracked women in the prayer room. Sometimes that’s what happens when God reaches down deep and changes you.

One thing that I came out of that prayer room with was a sense that instead of knowing God’s truths (that I had myself quoted and talked about) only in my head, I now have them firmly planted in my heart. I also came away with knowing that while I’m a fairly transparent person, it’s only of those things on the surface, those things that don’t truly make me vulnerable.
But do I really want to show the real me, God? Isn’t it too ugly, too dark, too odd? No, He whispers. You are real and you who I made you and are becoming the person I desire you to be.
So as I take a deep breath, I vow to give up everything to God. Even my short-comings. My pride. My belief that I have to do everything perfectly. My belief that I have to earn love. My belief that without working at it, I deserve nothing, not even God’s love. My willingness to only allow the surface stuff to show.

I am grateful for all the little gifts God gave me, but am blown away by the biggest gift of all: freedom. Freedom from the bondage of my own false beliefs and the idea that I at least have to attempt to do everything perfectly. Freedom to truly trust in and rely on God. That He’s in control and I simply have to submit. Freedom to let these truths travel from my head to my heart and let God do the work in me that I know is yet to be done. Freedom to live – in Him, through Him, and for Him.

Today I’m grateful for: the sound of sealing jars, healing from yesterday’s migraine, today’s journey to my first mission trip, God’s word at my fingertips – and everything listed above!

Mommy Time Out

Time out is a new concept (in the grand scheme of parenting) that we use with our children. The idea behind it is to isolate children from fun and make them do the one thing most of them can't stand: be still and alone.

While some will argue for time out and others will argue against it, I see it as a useful tool, especially for children who can't stand to miss out on something. Why is it effective? Mainly, I think, because our children are constantly engaged, entertained, and enticed. There is always something to hold their attention or keep them busy.

So, even though it can work, should time out be used only for punishment? Shouldn't our children have the blessing of down time? Time to be creative. Time to spend with themselves and be okay with that. Time to explore their world on their terms. This sounds wonderful! And I work diligently to create this environment. (Yes, I'm one of those moms who limits tv/computer to 1-2 hours a day and occasionally call a no-media day.)

What about us? We moms always have something going on. If we're not running our children somewhere, taking care of their needs, educating them, catching up on the computer, managing family life and budget, there's a ton of other things calling our attention.

So, when's our time out?

Yesterday, mine was at about 12:30 p.m. I was getting grumpy and needed a time out. And, I explained that to my kids (after I'd had a short break and improved my mood.)

God declared a day of rest for a reason. WE NEED IT! And while I haven't quite figured out how to have a full day consistently each week of rest, I try to remember to rest regularly.

Rest, not sleep. Rest, not a vegetable state in front of the television. But actual rest. Sitting and doing nothing for at least a half hour.

And this is hard! Especially when we're surrounded by endless tasks. But, if we as moms don't recharge, don't take at least a little break, we won't have as much to give to our children.

While the little people in my life and yours may not understand this tangibly, the will get it. This is evidenced by what my eight-year-old said to me yesterday.

Me: "Thank you for letting Mommy rest. I was getting grumpy and needed a time out."

Her: "So you can be a good example?"

"Yes." I smile. "So I can be a good example."

Joy in Christmas

Life is busy. And then the holidays start. And life gets busier. Christmas is supposed to be a time of celebration and enjoyment, remembering the birth of Jesus and spending time with family. But often times, the extra stuff - shopping, cards, wrapping, parties, etc. - adds more stress than enjoyment to life.

If this is the case for you, I recommend stopping to catch your breath. These moments are few and far between and won't happen on their own. They have to be sought after and grabbed hold of. These are the moments you do nothing but squeeze, tickle, and play with your child. These are the moments you set aside to take your older child out shopping or for a "date." These are the moments you make cookies simply to spend time in the kitchen together. These are the moments you sit and watch a classic Christmas movie from beginning to end. These are the moments you chase the millions of things you have left to do from your mind and actually enjoy the Christmas musical at church.

We often let the extra expectations of us ruin our holiday season. Are we going to buy something that everyone likes? Did I wrap it just right? Did I forget to send a card to someone? Am I going to offend someone if I don't make it to their party? But, these are not the things Christmas is about. They are fun, or at least they are meant to be, but when they become the pull of Christmas, things have gotten out of order.

In order to find joy in Christmas, Christ has to be put first and mas has to be secondary. Otherwise, you have the proverbial cart before the horse, which will steal your joy. According to one source, mas means festival. We have lots of festivities during the Christmas season, but they tend to take over and take our focus off celebrating the birth of Jesus, the Christ child. Whenever you're not experiencing joy (during the holidays or any time of year), intentionally put your focus back on Jesus and He will give you joy.

Take time to play Christmas music, read different versions of the Christmas story, share what you're thankful for about this time of year, etc. Grab hold of the joy freely given us and go along for the ride of a lifetime!

Avoid Stress during the Holidays

I've been fortunate to be asked to speak to a local MOPS group about balance this month. I'm fortunate not only for the opportunity, but the reminders of what I need to do to stay balanced during this time of crazy, busy, extra responsibilities.

As moms, we have a wealth of daily responsibilities - cooking, cleaning, laundry, homework, diapers, potty training, character reinforcement, errand running, and being Mom taxi. Then the holidays come and we add shopping for presents, wrapping those presents, going to and hosting parties, Christmas cards, etc. All these things are fun and great, but we often wonder how to fit those things in on top of everything we do already.

First, allow yourself to let some things go. While your family still needs to be fed and clothed, surely there are some items that can wait until after the holidays. My ironing is currently piled up in the laundry room and has been on my to do list for a while, but truly, it can wait until after the family Christmas party we're hosting this weekend. I'm a homeschooling mom, and we haven't completely given up school, but we're on a reduced holiday schedule. What can you let go?

Second, realize that you can't do it all. It's okay to say "no" - even to good things. If that good thing causes you stress, then it's not ultimately a good thing.

Third, don't forget to take care of yourself. Take time, at least once a week, to do something for you. Watch a chick flick, take a bubble bath, get or give yourself a pedicure, read a novel, get a massage. Most importantly, spend time with God. Ask Him for strength to get through this busy season and follow His guidance in what to do each day.

Which brings me to the last item: focus on one day at a time. It is helpful to plan ahead (I don't need to be going grocery shopping the morning of my dinner party), but once we have an overall plan, we should focus only on today. After all, today's the only day we can live out.

Top Secret Key to Successful Marriage

I will not make rule number five that marriage takes God. I believe that the best, healthiest marriages are based on a solid foundation in God. I believe that the best way to grow in your marriage is to grow in your relationship with God. But if I were to say that I’ve never seen two people enjoy marriage for a lifetime without God being a part of their lives, we would all know that it was untrue. If I were to say that all marriages where both people are believers are happy and successful, we would also know that this is untrue. I never want to diminish the impact that God can have on our marriage, but as with everything, I want to be honest. God has certain rules for living and those rules apply to everyone. This includes the rules, or principles, for relationships. If we work at it, have the proper perspective, enjoy it, and commit to it, it will succeed almost every time. What God can add to a marriage is basically what he can add to an individual’s life. We can do a fairly good job of filling the God-shaped hole in our lives and in our marriages, but true joy and fulfillment – individually and in our marriage – will only come with Christ as our Savior and Lord.

Working on, having the proper perspective about, being committed to, communicating effectively, being flexible, forgiving, and having fun in your marriage are the pieces of the healthy marriage puzzle. Making God first in your life and submitting yourself and your marriage to Him is the frame which enhances the puzzle and makes it a masterpiece.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

Rules of a Healthy Marriage VII

The final “rule” for a healthy marriage is fun. Even though at first having fun may sound easier than the previous rules, it is often just as difficult to maintain. Life gets busy and things happen between two people that distract them from each other and their relationship. Therefore, fun often gets forgotten.

Chances are when you first dated your husband, you had a lot of fun together. Your relationship most likely focused on getting to know each other and having fun together. Even after the wedding takes place the fun tends to continue, at least for a while. However, as life adds responsibilities, stress and tension increase also. As stress and tension build, the distance between husband and wife tends to increase. So, even if you work on your marriage, make the effort to keep a proper perspective, and have made a solid commitment to your husband, if you don’t ever have fun together you’ll be more like partners of a business venture rather than partners a loving marriage.

I don’t know about you, but I desire so much more from my husband than just someone to go through life experiences and share child-rearing with. I want a partner, friend, lover, and companion. Life is not near as care free as when my husband and I were dating, and therefore we must be intentional about having fun together. Some of that fun is as parents. We do fun things at home and away from home with our children. We have fun together as a family. But we also have fun together as a couple. Sometimes this means staying up late to watch a movie after the kids go to bed. Sometimes it means sitting on the front porch alone while the kids watch a movie or are playing nicely. Sometimes it means recruiting a babysitter to go out to dinner. Sometimes it means lying in bed just holding hands and sharing what’s been going on lately. Many couples we know take a few days each year for an adult vacation. Others send the kids to the grandparents’ houses for a few days or weeks. Having fun doesn’t have to take a lot of money or time, but it generally takes a lot of planning and creativity. However, if having fun together becomes a priority in your marriage, it will become more natural. And the rewards will far outweigh any effort that is put into making time for fun.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

Rules of a Healthy Marriage VI

Forgiveness. Your husband will irritate you, frustrate you and hurt you. After all, he’s only human. When these things happen, however, you have a choice to make. You either hold onto it and let it build a divide between you and your husband or you let it go, forgive him and add to the bond you have with him. Forgiveness is always the best choice: for you, for him, and for your marriage.

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. Proverbs 17: 14

You may be thinking, “but what he did was wrong! And I’m supposed to just forgive him?” Yes. And no. We are called to always forgive, but there’s nothing that says forgiveness is easy or simple. Often it’s not a matter of “just forgiving.” It’s about processing, dealing with, and forgiving.

If the source of conflict is minor (an irritating habit, being late, viewing things differently) then it may be as much about changing expectations so they’re more realistic and accept your husband’s short-comings as it is about forgiveness. There is an element of forgiveness, however. You may need to forgive him for disappointing you. You may need to forgive him for not holding to his word. You may need to forgive him for not being perfect. Although these instances are generally minor, they add up when they’re held on to.

Even small offenses and conflicts it’s essential to your relationship to forgive and let go. You may need to deal with some of these issues together. You may need to decide that things are the way they are, that they’re not that big of a deal, and choose not to let them bother you. At first letting go even of little things takes a conscious effort and practice. But with practice, forgiving the little things and letting them go becomes easier and easier.

Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers overall wrongs. Proverbs 10:12

Bigger issues take a little more of a process to forgive. Once the hurt has been acknowledged (which sometimes happens immediately, and at other times happens more slowly), the wrong action that caused the hurt needs to be acknowledged as wrong. Because you choose the past of forgiveness doesn’t mean a wrong action is okay or is to be overlooked. It does mean that you choose not to hold that action against your husband once it’s dealt with and forgiven. If you define who your spouse is by this action, use it to manipulate him, or bring it up at a later time, forgiveness hasn’t occurred. It will likely take discussing the issue with your husband, may take talking it through with a trusted third party (e.g. pastor, counselor), and it will definitely take prayer. The process may be quick, or it may be slow, but it is essential to having a healthy marriage.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

Flexibility. Another piece to the healthy marriage puzzle is flexibility. If this piece of the puzzle is ignored, this rule broken, your marriage may not be in jeopardy of dissolving, but the joy and rewards of marriage will be stolen from it. Inflexibility, stubbornness, and general “it’s gonna be my way” attitude lead to frustration and conflict. Flexibility, on the other hand, fosters fun and enjoyment in a marriage.

Why is flexibility so important? Simply because a marriage is made up of two people who have their own backgrounds, their own baggage, their own likes and dislikes, their own way of perceiving the world, and their own ideas about, well, everything. All these things that make us who we are and who our husband fell in love with may also irritate him. And vice versa.
One thing I’ve had to learn to be flexible about is being flexible. I’m a planner and an organizer (which should be obvious from chapter one.) I like to have a plan and follow through with it. My husband likes to keep all options open all the time so he can make the best choice when it comes time. Needless to say, this has caused some conflict. Eventually I learned that he told me about upcoming events to keep that option open and he accepted that some things just have to be planned. We both learned to be more flexible in how we perceived plans and met somewhere in the middle.

The areas of potential inflexibility are endless. What types of things are served for dinner, who prepares it, and when it’s served. The level of expected housekeeping and who’s responsible for it. How money is spent. What types of vacations are taken and when. What type of extra-curricular activities are okay and how much is okay (for adults and for children.) How to hand family functions. Like I said, the issues are limitless. We each have our own issues, some more important than others. In choosing to be flexible, you’re not saying that your perspective isn’t important. Or that you aren’t important. What flexibility says is that your relationship is more important than holding fast to your ideas about this particular issue. Some issues are going to be more important to you and you will stand more firmly on those. However, these issues should be carefully considered, chosen wisely, and communicated effectively.

Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting with strife. Proverbs 17:1

There will be a host of things that you’ll discover aren’t worth arguing over. Having a healthy, joyful relationship with your husband is more important. Does it really matter if the kids drink sweet tea at supper? As long as bills are being paid, does it matter if he splurges at the hardware store once in a while? These are some of the small things that provide opportunities for flexibility. As you become more flexible towards your husband, theoretically he will naturally become more flexible to you. Then you have the wonderful, albeit complex, dance of give and take that can enhance your marriage even more.

Rules of a Healthy Marriage V

The tools are first to recognize the differences between the way men and women communicate, second to listen, and third to respect what’s being said. Clarification is also important. As the examples I gave before and plenty you can probably think of make it clear, clarification is very helpful. I often repeat back to my husband what he’s said to me. “So..” and I repeat what I heard. It may sound silly, and sometimes he tells me that all I’m doing is repeating what he said, but it works. I tell him, “just clarifying, honey. Don’t want to misunderstand you.”

I statements are also important in communication. These are statements like, “It upsets me when you’re running late and don’t call,” and “I don’t like it when you ignore me.” The alternative statements that are unhealthy include character attacking and blame-placing. They are statements like, “You’re so inconsiderate and selfish. You can’t even take a second to call when you’re late,” and “You make me crazy when you ignore me.” Positive words and encouragement are also essential elements to healthy communication. That doesn’t mean that you lie, or hold back things that bother you, but that you share those things in as positive a way as possible. It also means that you make a conscious effort to speak words of praise and encouragement to your husband as much as possible. Accusatory, negative and bitter words reek havoc on your relationship. Uplifting, positive and loving words will increase affection between you and your husband. It’s your choice how you use your words. [Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18]