Grateful or Grumpy

I thought about writing this post a week or so ago, but didn't get around to it. It's about how we have a choice each day and with each situation we face: to be grateful or grumpy.

I've written several times about reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts (I'm not going to tag it this time, you'll have to read my other posts to find the tag or look it up :) and the lessons I'm learning from it. How being grateful every day is essential in having a God-focused perspective. And I planned to write more about it. But apparently, God delayed me because He wanted me to write more about it when everything wasn't smooth and grand. He was waiting for me to hit today.

I'm in the 320's on my list of things I'm grateful to God for. And I've even started my two oldest children keeping a grateful journal. But today I'm struggling. Because everything is NOT going smoothly. Nothing major's happened, but you know, a bunch of small things can add up to make one grumpy momma.

The first thing is my computer. I told my hubby and asked him to transfer the info to our friend who's always worked on our computers that it's been shutting down. No response. Then on Monday it decided to completely shut down and not even attempt to boot up. Not a wonderful, fuzzy, warm feeling is induced when a writer, blogger, connect to the world through the computer momma's computer is dead. So, I've left it, cried out for help, and used any computer I can get my hands on to check email and check in on Facebook. Today I'm sitting at my in-laws blogging. Hopefully by Saturday all the appropriate parts and computer guy will converge onto my house and have me up and running again in no time.

Then, we started school today. Let's just say that my children are not adjusting well to having to sit down, pay attention, and do school work for several hours a day (even though it's only three hours broken up into four 45-minute sessions throughout the morning with plenty of breaks.) Whininess, bouncing around the classroom, and tears are not uplifting for a homeschooling momma. But we persisted.

Then (Oh, yes. there's more!), when I went to unload the washing machine and begin drying the first (of the only three loads I had scheduled today), I discovered that one of my children had left a dry pullup in their pajama pants. Now, do you know what happens to a pullup in a washing machine? I do. And it's not pretty. Billions - no, I'm not exaggerating, but I might be underestimating - of moisture soaking beads have a field day and attach themselves to EVERY piece of clothing in the load. And I don't wash 10 items at a time.

So, I spent the first two school breaks shaking out moisture soaking beads out of laundry, wiping them up off the dryer, floor, and carpet, and doing my best to get them out of the washer. Hoping, enough have gotten out and not found their way into the holes of the washing machine spinner to ruin it.

The load goes back in, minus pullup and billions of beads. On the next break, I throw the now-clean, bead-free clothes in the dryer. And turn it on. To be greeted by an awful sound. Promptly stopped, I open the dryer to too much heat created in one minute of running and I know. The lint catcher that I had just emptied really didn't have enough lint on it. It's a top-loading lint catcher and it must have released the other 3/4 of built up lint below the lint catcher where I cannot reach. and it's clogged something and threatened to catch fire. Which is why we replaced our 10 year old dryer last year.

I diligently pull out the dryer, unplug it, and examine the thing. Nope. Not touching it. Guess what's greeting my darling husband when he gets home from work today? At least today isn't scheduled to be a 9 a.m. to 11 p.m. workday like he's worked so frequently in the last two months.

So, on a day like today, I still have a choice: grateful or grumpy. To be grumpy would be easy. To vent, eat away my frustrations, lock myself in my room. Yell at the whiney, not-using-potty-like-she-knows-how, aggrivating each other children. It would be so easy. But then there's the list. The list I add several more things on today, even though it's a struggle to.

rain
tomatoes off the vine
hubby returning a message from work
sleeping in after a restless night
staying on schedule for our first day of school
plenty of clothes to wear
playing a game with my two oldest
watching my two youngest entertain and be sweet to each other

These are the things I choose to focus on. Even when it's hard. And I'm able to let go of the small ways Satan tries to attack, tries to get me off course, tries to tell me God doesn't care. But I know He does, and I'll hold onto that.

Patience

Patience is something I always thought I had before I had children. I could be patient at work, I could be patient sitting though dozens of not-overly-exciting college classes, I could even be patient in traffic.

But until someone is putting their own personal demands on you 24/7 (i.e. Motherhood), I don't think you can have a complete concept of patience. And once you become a mother, you suddenly understand why all those other mothers you've looked down on for all those years sometimes lost it with their children in the grocery store.

Don't get me wrong, I still cringe when I hear a mom in public berating her child or yelling at him. But I myself must admit, I've raised my voice a time or two.

What I often find, however, is that when I lose my patience, it typically has to do with what I'm doing, not what my children are doing.

Here's what I mean: Have you ever noticed that you don't mind that person meandering down the road when you have plenty of time, but when you're running late all of a sudden that person is being inconsiderate and in your way? The same goes with our children sometimes.

If my child wants me to pick them up or read to them and I'm not in the middle of some task (which hardly ever happens) I freely say "sure" and hang with them for a while. But when I'm fixing dinner, or working on a book, or folding laundry, I find little patience with their requests. Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?

I try to stay aware of staying balanced. Sometimes it's best to stop what I'm doing for a few minutes and spend that time. Especially since a mother's work is never done, and when she takes a break it would be nice if it were uninterrupted. But, my children need me to not only keep them in clean clothes and fix them food, but they also need me. My touch, my voice, my ear.

But balance also means not always giving in to them either. If I gave into every request with the utmost patience, I would never be able to teach them to be patient. Or considerate. Or selfless. Not to say that patience is a bad thing, but how we use it is important. Quite often, patience is needed in greater quantities when I tell my children "no." Then it's my job to stay patient while they ask questions, fuss, or complain. This is usually when we're tempted to lose our patience and yell or give in. But it's my job to back up my words with actions. If I said no, it's not going to happen. If I requested something be done, it will be done or there will be a consequence.

They may also get a consequence if they question or fuss too much (an innate tactic all children automatically know.) As long as I stick to my word and do so calmly, though, I've won the battle. And I've taken one more step on the road to a land called Patience.