Matchless Grace

Do you ever have a grumpy day? I know some people who make grumpy a way of life. For most of us grumpy is just a mood that occasionally happens, and generally is associated with something going on around us. I have to admit that it is truly a rare occasion for me to be grumpy. I t happens a little more frequently when I'm pregnant, but still not too frequently. I'm more prone to have down days than grumpy ones, but yesterday the grumpy grouchies had fully invaded.

Nothing really was going on to cause it. I'd had an overall good week - I'd felt good, gotten lots accomplished, and had a good doctor's visit. There was a lot I wanted to get done before having guests that evening, but my mother-in-law had whisked the kids away for the day and I could work uninterrupted. Yet, I was grumpy.Fortunately there wasn't anyone to really interact with most of the day and I had plenty to keep me busy. Thorughout the day I continued to put a break on my grumpy, negative thoughts by redirecting them and praying for a new attitude and Godly thoughts. Although I never experienced a dramatic mood change, I continued to plug on through the day. The housework got done, our company came, we had a lovely evening, and I got a good night's sleep.

As I went about my routine this morning I kept catching myself humming. This is not unusual, but the fact that there were no words in my head along with the tune was. Then suddenly the words came: "Wonderful the matchless grace of Jesus, Deeper than the mighty rolling sea; Wonderful grace, all sufficient for me, for even me. Broader than the scope of my transgressions, Greater far than all my sin and shame, O magnify the precious Name of Jesus. Praise His Name!" (okay, not every single word came, I looked up the lyrics for the exact words - but there were enough for me to know what song it was.) The prominent words that came were "the matchless grace of Jesus."

It was a new day. I had a new attitude. And I was having Godly thoughts. God was faithful, once again. And He also reminded me of His matchless grace. What a blessing!

Throughout the day I continued to think about and process all this and God revealed something else to me. We weren't just hosting any guests, we were hosting a couple who are in training to be missionaries and will be out in the field in just over two months. They are actively doing the work of God and we were doing His work by blessing them. So there was a reason for me to be grumpy - the devil was trying to steal our blessing. But because I relyed on God instead of myself, the theif and liar was unable to so. And not just that, but I got a double portion of blessing through seeing God work in me. His grace is truly matchess, all sufficient for me, and I will magnify His precious name!

I overheard someone the other day say, "It's a true story, isn't it?" and it got me to thinking. Now, I'm one that loves a true story. I'm interested in people, in things they've had to deal with and how they've dealt with them. It's just the way I'm made. I'm also one who loves to get involved in people's lives, but I wonder, how often are we really willing to get involved with each other. Because getting involved with one anther can often be messy and painful.

It can also be super-rewarding. If you've read my blogs for a while, or know me very well, you know that I'm a big advocate of getting involved with other people, joining together, working together, and supporting each other - especially as moms. With our mobile society it's really easy to access people and be peripherally involved with them - we can email, text, facebook, etc. - but often more difficult to really be involved. We're so busy and mobile that it takes a greater effort to have a real conversation, to get together, and spend quality time in a quality relationship.

Yesterday I had one of those days where I reaped the benefits of my life overlapping with others. It brought to my mind again how much worth the effort it is to build and foster relationships with people. First, a couple of family members stopped by just to visit with my children. After a morning of breakfast, getting everyone ready, and doing school work. it was nice to have the kids entertained while I finished up some laundry and started lunch. Then my older two children went for their regular Tuesday playdates while I completed some work and started dinner. One of my friends offered to let me use her nice, new, large-capacity, front-loading washing machine to wash my comfortor in (my washing machine ate my last comfortor.) So that washed while the kids played and I fixed a little extra dinner to carry over in return. Then my in-laws came over around dinner time, hung out with us, and played with the kids while I cleaned up after dinner. Then my husband and I tag-teamed the kids for baths, bed and a little more school work. It was a busy day, which isn't unusual, but it was also a day that was fruitful in chores and relationships.

Being a(n almost full-time) stay-at-home mom there are many days that I have that are totally engrossed in housework and child care. Alone. Solo. Isolated. Now, don't get me wrong. I have enough introvertedness that some of those days are good, too. But I definately miss the interaction and relationship with others. I believe that's because we were made to live in relationships with others, to intertwine our lives with theirs. Of course it can get messy and painful, but it is also rewarding and fulfilling.

Jesus said "love each other" (John 15:12, 17) and "love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 19:19.) I believe that means getting involved, serving, meeting needs, laughing with, crying with, and being a part of peoples lives. These are the things that can never be measured, but are worth more than any material thing any one of us could ever possess.

Words Count

I got my daughter to throw something away the other day. Now for many that may not seem like a feat, but for me it was. It was monumental because she didn’t throw a tantrum about putting something in the trash can. And even more amazingly it was an actual toy, not just some random piece of paper or dodad that we were getting rid of. Now I have to give a little background for this to make a little more sense.

My five-year-old gets very attached to things. I generally have to hide something for a week or more to see if she asks for it before I throw it away. If she finds anything in the trash that used to belong to her (whether it’s a broken toy, scrap piece of paper she colored a year ago, or an empty drink bottle she decided to “paint” one day) she’ll rescue it immediately. And to get her to get rid of anything is like pulling teeth. So, one this day I was amazed that she not only refrained from throwing a fit, but she also placed the offending item in the trash herself. What was the difference? The words I used.

The offending toy happened to be a person. The poor soldier had already lost an arm and a leg, and now he’d broken off his platform that made it possible for him to stand. So I told my daughter that I thought he’d had a rough enough time and that maybe we should bury him. And for some unknown reason it was okay since we were burying him instead of throwing him away.
As I continued my chores this minor little incident in our day got me to thinking. I know that word are powerful. I thrive on words. I enjoy reading and am passionate about writing. Words teach us, instruct us, entertain us, hurt us, and heal us. Often, however, I forget how powerful my words can be with my children.

We are very aware, for the most part, what we say to and around our children. There are certain words that are banned from our house. We try to teach our children the proper context to use words in and never shy from using $50 dollar words to stretch their understanding of their world. Even as careful as we are in what words we use and how we use them, we still sometimes slip up.

Much beyond this small incident that reminded me that the words I use can make changes in my children’s behavior, it reminded me the importance of being aware of words I use with my children that may impact how they view themselves, their world, and their God. We’ve all heard parents say things to their children in public that have made us cringe, but behind closed doors there’s no one holding us accountable except ourselves and the Holy Spirit (if we’re tuned into Him.) I’m grateful that I’ve had this reminder of the power and impact of words I use so that I can evaluate everything I say to my children to make sure that it is right, true, encouraging, and builds them up.

Breaking Promises

Do you ever break promises to your children? It seems to me that I have more often than usual lately. I try to be very careful in what I promise to my children. I don't want to be an untrustworthy person to them. I generally will say "I'll do my best" or "We'll have to see." But occasionally I'll say "I promise." When I do, it always sticks in my mind and I do my best to follow through. Sometimes, however, I let time and the promise slip away. It's usually when I've promised that we'll do something specific the next day or before the end of the day, when I've run out of time or energy to do the requested task immediately. Somehow the next day or rest of the day seems to slip through my fingers. The promised activity gets left hanging, waiting.

Sometimes it's not very traumatic. The child has gotten distracted and forgets, too. Other times he or she remembers and asks, usually at a point in time when it's impossible (or at least impractical) to follow through. As much as I try to and would like to avoid these situations I have learned to make them a learning opportunity - for both my children and for me.

First, it gives me a chance to apologize. We ask our children to apologize constantly, but rarely model it ourselves. It's important for my children to learn that being humble, accepting responsibility, and asking forgiveness is not only okay, but healthy. These are things I've had to work on developing as an adult and I want to give my children a head start on tools that will help them in all their future relationships.

Second, it gives me a chance to be human. Children often see parents as super-human. They're perfect. So when mistakes occur or they suddenly realize that their parents are fallible, it's a major disappointment. I am as human and fallible as it gets. I want to have a level of transparency that allows my children to see me, and thus relate to me, as a real person. It also lets them know that when they make mistakes it's just part of life. We all have weaknesses. It's healthy and beneficial to acknowledge them, work on them, and move on.

Third, it allows my children to experience disappointment. I don't think there's much that a parent can compare to watching their child be disappointed. It tugs at the heart and we generally do everything we can to prevent it. I'm the same way. I try to prevent it as much as possible, but a little disappointment is a natural part of life. I don't want to be the cause of it, and am usually not directly (it usually occurs when they can't have or do something they want), but when it does happen it helps me walk them through the process of feeling, coping with, and moving past disappointment. Because I know they're going to experience disappointment in their lives, I want to help prepare them to handle those situations in healthy ways.

Lastly, it reminds me that I have a Father who never breaks His promises. Psalm 145:13 says The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. I know through my experiences that this is true. I have also learned that I have to be in communication with Him to truly know what His promises are. Whenever I've been disappointed by something in my life and thought that maybe God didn't keep a promise, I eventually learn that I had a misunderstanding or wasn't looking to Him and His Word to find out what His promises really are. He didn't promise that things would be easy - He promised to sustain me through the hard times. He didn't promise I wouldn't hurt - He promised to heal me. He didn't promise to give me everything I want when I want it - He promised to provide everything I need at the right time.

His promises are true, and in some strange way when I am at my most human and fallible and break promises to my children, it reminds me of all the promises God's never broken and that He never will.

Seasons

Well, I’m finally back posting on my blog. It’s been a while I know. It’s not that I haven’t had things to say, but they’ve been sort of rolling around in my mind and have never made it down on paper. Since I started the blog about a year ago, this was the first holiday season that I went through while having it. Obviously I need to plan a little better and have some posts ready before December, as I tend to get caught up in everything Christmas. It’s one of my favorite times of the year and I get totally caught up in it. In trying to do Christmas presents and cards and meals and having visitors, along with continuing to maintain a somewhat-organized home and raise three small children, something’s got to give. It’s often the house, but this year it was also my writing and blogging. It’s one of those time we make adjustments to meet the needs of the moment, the season. It’s much easier doing that knowing that it is just that: a season.


Seasons are something I’ve learned a lot about. Being pregnant for the fourth time in six years, I’ve learned that there are definitely seasons – seasons of exhaustion, seasons of doctors appointments, seasons of sleeplessness, seasons of snuggles, seasons of learning new things every day. Being able to recognize that this moment, this season, won’t last forever allows two things to happen. Every good, joyful, exciting moment is treasured all the more. The first smile, the first step, the first book read alone only comes once. The second thing that happens is that the hard days are more manageable. These moments will pass and better moments will come to be enjoyed.


So I’d like to say Happy New Year. May your best moments linger and your worst moments pass as quickly as the calendar flips a page.

Rewards and God's Word

Looking at God’s Word not only tells us that rewarding obedience is not only an essential part of parenting, but also what those rewards should focus on. There are times that God rewards us materially. He does want us to prosper in the sense that we have everything we need materially and often even more than just what we need. But He most definitely does not want our material rewards to become our focus or motivation for righteous behavior. God is much more concerned with the state of our heart and His Word talks much more about a prosperity of spirit. God rewards us with healing of body and spirit, peace, forgiveness, reconciliation, joy, strength, endurance, self-control, spiritual gifts, and, of course, eternal life. This list could go on and on. It only takes a small amount of time in scripture to recognize the rewards God gives us “pressed down, shaken together and running over.”(Luke 6:38)

If God rewards us, why would we ever withhold rewards from our children? When we have an appropriate perspective on rewarding and motivating our children and what the proper rewards and incentives are, we allow ourselves to abundantly bless our children and ourselves, as we see them grow through positive interactions. There are many ways to reward our children and many different types of incentives available to motivate children. I think about my children when they were infants. As they learned to smile, to sit up, to crawl, to walk, I was there every step of the way cheering them on. A smile, a little clapping, and a big “yah!” was all they needed to encourage them to keep doing what they were doing and/or try a little harder to make that next step. Cheering our children on is a great way to motivate them. Children generally really do want to please their parents. Cheering for our children can come in many forms and will depend on your personality, your child’s personality, and the situation. Hugs, “way to go,” “I’m proud of you,” and “great job!” are all examples of ways to praise our children. It’s about encouraging them along when they’re getting it right and trying their best.

Time with our children and special treats are additional ways to reward them. We can take them on a special outing for good behavior or completed tasks over a period of time. We can let them choose a movie for the family to watch. We can let them pick what restaurant we’re going to eat at. We can buy them a small treat, or even have monetary rewards. It is all based on what works for your family and what motivates your child.

See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse – the blessing if you obey the commands of the LORD your God that I am giving you today; Deuteronomy 11:26-27

Have you ever had one of "those days"?

I did the other day. And unlike many of our "those days" that mommies have, it had nothing to do with my children being uncooperative. Quite the contrary, my children were being great. I was even being organized when it came to them. We had a wonderful, fairly productive morning and prepared to be out the rest of the day. I was dropping them off with daddy at my mom's house, going to a doctor's appointment, picking up dinner, picking up the kids, and heading to church. I had allowed plenty of time (so I thought) as my doctor's appointment was at 2:30 and we didn't have to be at church until 5:45. Well, the best laid plans....

I realized half-way down the road that I didn't have my wallet. Which meant that I had to ask for money to buy supper and hoped that I didn't need my insurance card for my appointment (which I didn't, fortunately, since I'd just been there two weeks prior - and yes, mom, I was driving without my license on me.) I also realized that I'd forgotten my insulin. So only salad for me for supper. I dropped off the kids, put the baby down and set the others up on the computer so daddy could continue to get work done. I headed down the road to the doctor's (with 10 minutes to spare) and realized I'd left my phone at my mom's. Oh, well. The Dr's office had a phone I could use to order supper and let my husband know when I was leaving.

I was early to the appointment, but of course they were running late. I finally saw the first nurse who proceded to let me know the plan that would involve an extra appointment in the next month (meaning 6 appointments in 11 weeks) or trying to make it to Norfolk to deliver my baby (1 1/2 hours away on a good day, and my last labor was 2 1/2 hours - not a good idea.) Fortunately she left me in another office to wait on the next nurse. I was trying not to be upset when my resources kicked in. In the quite stillness of that small room God reminded me that He was in charge, He has given me His peace, and that I can do ANYTHING through Him.

I didn't get out of my appointment until 4:30, I got cut off trying to order supper and then couldn't get back through, my husband had been expecting me for an hour before I called because the clocks in my moms house hadn't been changed yet, and it took me nearly an hour to make my way there. So I arrived with supper when I should have been leaving. But I called and got my position at church covered, sat and ate supper with my family (and did have half a slice of pizza) and was completely okay with being late. When things are out of our control, it doesn't help to get harried or upset. Instead, as I've learned, I can be content in any situation - including when lots of little things are adding up to make one of "those days."

I was exhausted that evening and had to put the kids to bed by myself because my husband was working late due to his three hour interruption. But I tucked my healthy children into bed, sat in my comfortable recliner, ate my bedtime snack, took my insulin, and relaxed. Throughout the day that had lots of little bumps, God kept using His Word that I had taken the time previously to read and study to continuously remind me that I was not alone and that all the little things - although aggrivating - really didn't matter. No matter what is going on, what is impacting my day, as long as I've fed myself with His Word and with His Truth, He will sustain me. My job is to prepare long in advance (each day, making Him a priority) and listen when He beckons me to His place of rest.