On Being Mom

This past week some of my extended family gathered together in Myrtle Beach for vacation. Fortunately, it was warm enough several days to go out on the beach. The kids even got in the water (me, too, but only up to my knees.)

This trip got me thinking. More accurately, the time spent on the beach got me thinking. Last time I visited Myrtle Beach was on beach week after my fifth year of college. I was getting ready to graduate and a bunch of us (like thousands of college kids each year) headed off to spend a week in the sun before returning home. It was a great week. There was no schedule, no demands, and no drama.

My week at the beach this time also had no schedule and no drama, but was oh so different from before. It was a great snapshot of how motherhood changes our lives.

Last time I was at the beach, I took a suitcase, towel, sunscreen and a few good books. This time, I took a cooler full of food, 12 towels, several sets of sheets, three suitcases, two bags of other stuff, a bin of toys, and still some good books.

Last time I was at the beach, I spent hours lounging in the sun, dozing now and again. This time, I spent most of my time staring like a hawk at my kids playing in the water, occasionally darting my eyes back to the ones not in the water. I counted children every couple of minutes, taking stock of where everyone was. I sat down a couple times, but I certainly didn't take a book and didn't even come close to dozing off.

But that's okay. That's where I am now. And I wouldn't give it up for anything.

That's how becoming a mom changes you. We might miss our down time (which is a good idea to schedule in once in a while) and we might miss the flexibility of deciding to go out to dinner at nine p.m. (a walk on the beach after bedtime with hubby while aunt stays with the kids works these days), but the rewards a mom gets are better than any lazy, unencumbered day at the beach.

The joy of watching my kids explore, imagine, and simply enjoy the sand and waves filled me. The pictures capturing excitement and play will last forever.

The snuggles when they get cold and kissed in gratitude for a day at the beach are priceless.

Yes, children take over your life, changing everything about it. Though the adjustment isn't always easy or smooth, embracing it and jumping in head first provides the most thrilling ride ever invented.

God's Leadership: An Awe Like No Other

Guest Post by Fay Lamb:

The fear of the Lord tendeth to life: and he that hath it shall abide satisfied;

 he shall not be visited with evil.

Proverbs 19:23

“It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

Hebrews 10:31

On occasion a character will ask a question the author isn’t sure how to answer. Dig deep enough and a writer might find that the question is one she needs answered for herself. If we’re asking, it is logical to think this might be a teaching moment for our readers.

Recently, while writing a scene between a football coach and his favorite quarterback and team captain, the young man challenged the teaching of his angry, oppressive father saying, “I’ve been told a good leader is one that makes his followers fear him. Is that true, Coach?”

The question seemed to come out of nowhere, but I needed an answer for the kid, for myself, and for my reader.

Proverbs 19:23 tells us, “The fear of the Lord tendeth to life: and he that hath it shall abide satisfied; he shall not be visited with evil.”

Because I fear my God and my Savior, I never fall into His hands. I am covered by them. I receive protection from my mighty King, and His word promises I will never be taken from His hold.

All about me, my enemies rage, yet Psalm 23 tells me God sets a table before me in their midst. Because I fear Him and not my enemies and because I follow in His ways, the Lord’s hands fill my cup with goodness and mercy.

The waters of troubles might billow and roll, but I do not need to be afraid. God bids me to keep my eyes upon Him, and I am able to rise above the crashing waves that threaten to pull me under. Should I take my eyes off of Him and be swept out to sea, He is the very lifeline that will bring me safely into His grasp.

When I walk with a reverence, with an abiding awe of my Father’s love for me, the past, the present, and the future have no hold. My Father is the Great I Am. And wherever I was, wherever I happen to be, and wherever I go in the future, His Word was, is, and will be a light for each step on my path, and His hands will bid me safely follow.

But what about those who disregard God’s love, those who do not fear Him, those who fail to accept the wondrous sacrifice He made for us? Hebrews 10:31 says, “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” This same God who will one day take righteous vengeance upon His enemies is the same God that freely gave His only son so that no one has to fall into His hands. Instead, they can find protection in them.

So what did the coach tell this young man? He said, “When it comes to God, son, respect and fear are intertwined. Fear is reverence, and when we look to God with awe in our heart, He walks with us and guides us. Who are we that anyone should fear us? True discipline, the desire to do our best, is born of respect and not fear of retribution. Shouldn’t you and I lead by God’s example?”

And that, I discovered, is a question, that each leader should ask.

Fay Lamb works as an acquisition/copyeditor for Pelican Book Group (White Rose Publishing and Harbourlight Books), offers her services as a freelance editor, and is an author of Christian romance and romantic suspense. Her emotionally charged stories remind the reader that God is always in the details. Because of Me, her debut romantic suspense novel is soon to be released by Treble Heart Books/Mountainview Publishing.

Fay has a passion for working with and encouraging fellow writers. As a member of American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW), she co-moderates the large Scribes’ Critique Group and manages the smaller Scribes’ critique groups. For her efforts, she was the recipient of the ACFW Members Service Award in 2010.

In 2012, Fay was also elected to serve as secretary on ACFW’s Operating Board.

Fay and her husband, Marc, reside in Titusville, Florida, where multi-generations of their families have lived. The legacy continues with their two married sons and five grandchildren.

Because of Me:

Not your typical Christian fiction.

Michael’s fiancée, Issie Putnam, was brutally attacked and Michael was imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit. Now he’s home to set things right.

Two people stand in his way: Issie’s son, Cole, and a madman.

Can Michael learn to love the child Issie holds so close to her heart and protect him from the man who took everything from Michael so long ago?

Available through all fine book retailers, Amazon.com, and Mountainview Publishing, a division of Treble Heart Books.

Find the book at Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/Because-of-Me-ebook/dp/B00722KIME/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1327670357&sr=8-1

Or at Treble Heart Books at: www.trebleheartbooks.com/MVLamb.html

Getting Honest and Getting Better

It is quite interesting that after getting very little sleep a few nights ago, I actually felt more energized and motivated than I had in a while. Could it be that I just emotionally threw up all over my blog? You know the feeling, when you're nauseated for a long time, finally throw up and then feel better. Pretty graphic, sorry about that. But hey, we're all moms here.

And the day after my last post I was dealing with another sick child and got very little sleep. But I felt better. It's like I opened the windows on a spring day and the breeze blew out all the stale air. Now, I still didn't get my shower til two in the afternoon, but I at least was getting things done in my jammies.

The next day oh persistent but hit me, but not very hard. I still taught school. Started on the weekly seven loads of laundry after working on the "kids have been sick" laundry. Yesterday, I even had a chance to run errands by myself in gorgeous eighty degree afternoon.

And I have to say, it feels good to feel good.

Then I wonder, would it feel so good to feel good if I didn't know what it was to feel bad? Not that I ever want to go back there, although given past history, chances are good I will. But would I appreciate the good days as much if the bad never came? I don't think I would. And each time I have a chance to practice what I say I believe: it's important that we continue to do the right thing even when we don't feel like it. I usually don't do great in this area. Hey, I don't even always do what there is to be done when I feel good. But each moment of each day is an opportunity for me to grow.

I am not a consistent person. I work more in spurts. This past week I worked on speaker invitations for the Abundant Life Conference for Women, coping with sickness, and getting ready for two birthday parties. Next week will be something else. Maybe getting back to my fiction work. But, the important thing is to stay focused in the right direction: up. And keep on keeping on. There is a purpose, not only for each of our lives, but for every breath that we have.

I wish I could remember that every day, much less every moment.

Making the right choices on a regular basis will help. And the first right choice is "renewing my mind daily." I got a wonderful reminder of this this morning by my sister, who posted this on facebook:

Ephesians 4
To Be Mature
1-3In light of all this, here's what I want you to do. While I'm locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.
4-6You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness.

There's no problem in letting all my emotions out, as a matter of fact, it's very healing when done in a healthy way. But then I have to get the focus off myself (contrary to what most of society tells us) and get it back on God and others needs. There are so many people out there who are also hurting, and if I can use the pain I've felt to come along side someone and help them get to the other side, back to where feeling good feels so good, then I have one more thing to be thankful for.

Tired Mommy

It's one a.m. and I'm listening to the Backyardigans and posting on my blog. I'm tired, but not because I'm up so late. I'm tired because the stomach bug is working it's way through our house again. And that's not even the most of it.

This is usually when I pull the covers up over my head and hide until things get better. Not just because of viruses, but because I'm dragging, unmotivated, and down. It's a side of me I usually don't let people see. I fold  it up neatly and tuck it away in the secret compartment of my diary. But today, trudging through one more day and feeling physically better, but not emotionally, I decided to share this part of the journey that I tend to keep to myself.

First, there's plenty of things that have occurred in the last two months that contribute to my current state. Things could be so much worse, I know friends and family members going through worse, but this is the wearing down I've had since the start of 2012. It actually began two days after Christmas when one of my precious babies threw up for several hours. Over the course of the following two and a half weeks, the bug went through everyone in our house and my in-laws. It took anywhere from two to four days in between one person and the next, meaning about the time we reappeared in public, another one was hit. Recovering from the purging virus, our immune systems were struggling and succumbed to a random unnamed virus and then strep throat. Feeling better, but still dragging, I began to wonder if I had slid down the hill of energy in to the valley of exhaustion and depression - not clinical depression, but discouraging, dragging days. Then one morning I woke up with achy joints and a lacy rash on my arms and legs. A quick doctor's appointment and half pint of blood verified I have parvovirus B19 (known as Fifth disease in children.) The good news was it wasn't something permanent. The not quite as good news was that it can last anywhere from one to three months.

I'm feeling better, but two of my children have had the tell-tale signs of red cheeks over the last 10 days. And now, the stomach bug has hit again. And I'm tired.

Though I know I could be taking a child to cancer treatments every day. Or be dealing with a lifelong, debilitating disease. Or many, many other more heart-wrenching situations. Yet still, I'm tired.

I don't share this to complain. I really don't. I share it to...well...share it. To stand behind my desire to be completely honest about the journey of motherhood, even the dark days.

I'm struggling to stay focused, but keep plugging away each day clinging to God, reading and standing on His promises, and starting over with each sunrise to be more present for my children. There's nothing like illness to get you more present.

I don't think it's a coincidence that the first two months of 2012 have been so challenging when I've vowed to fast and pray for a loved one until my prayers are answered. Or when this is the year I start speaking with Stonecroft Ministries. Or the third year of the Abundant Life Conference for Women, which continues to grow for the glory of God. None of it is a coincidence. Nor that I read James through just last week. God tells us trials are to come and to be joyful in them. I don't feel joy, but I have the peace that God is with me, His Spirit dwelling in me, if I simply let go and rely on Him I will find the joy again. Maybe the most difficult of all: letting go.

Who Cares?

I came across this post via a facebook friend. I've read John Rosemond's book Parenting by the Book, and it's one of the best that's out there. This article by Rosemond is great, helping parents reorient themselves to putting the responsibility of change on children., which I completely agree with. Is your child disobedient, disrespectful, or downright lazy? Do they refuse to change? Read this article and you'll get great advice on how to motivate your child to eliminate bad habits and create good ones.

Happy Valentine's Day

Making More Time Part 8 (Final segment)

The eighth and final tip to make more time is to: Enlist help, or delegate.

 Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:

 It’s okay to say “no” – Being able to do it all and have it all is a myth. We were never made to do everything all the time and women end up running ragged trying to keep up the image of perfection. We may disappoint someone once in a while if we say "no" to doing something, but if we wear ourselves too thin trying to do everything, we'll end up being no good to anyone.

Children can work, too - even children as young as two can throw a diaper away, put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket. My two-year-old even helps unload the dishwasher and get clean clothes out of the dryer. Our children should be taught to be responsible members of our families. As they get older, they get more privileges, and these should always also come with added responsibilities. This will not only help us, but help our children when they're grown and need to take care of themselves and their families. My oldest already knows if she wants the privilege of sitting in the front seat when she turns twelve, she will have to take on the responsibility of babysitting her younger siblings on occasion.

 Pay for help or exchange for it if you need to – are you working to help with bills but maybe have extra you could use for cleaning? Can you trade with a friend for services? Babysitter for hair. Meals for cleaning. You run errands today, your friend next week. There are numerous ways to trade for help if you can't pay for it.

God is your greatest helper. Don’t lack what you need because you didn’t ask. (James 4:2) 

And remember: God will provide everything you need to do everything He’s called you to do.