Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Rules of a Healthy Marriage VI

Posted by Tracy Wainwright at 10:12 AM
Forgiveness. Your husband will irritate you, frustrate you and hurt you. After all, he’s only human. When these things happen, however, you have a choice to make. You either hold onto it and let it build a divide between you and your husband or you let it go, forgive him and add to the bond you have with him. Forgiveness is always the best choice: for you, for him, and for your marriage.

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. Proverbs 17: 14

You may be thinking, “but what he did was wrong! And I’m supposed to just forgive him?” Yes. And no. We are called to always forgive, but there’s nothing that says forgiveness is easy or simple. Often it’s not a matter of “just forgiving.” It’s about processing, dealing with, and forgiving.

If the source of conflict is minor (an irritating habit, being late, viewing things differently) then it may be as much about changing expectations so they’re more realistic and accept your husband’s short-comings as it is about forgiveness. There is an element of forgiveness, however. You may need to forgive him for disappointing you. You may need to forgive him for not holding to his word. You may need to forgive him for not being perfect. Although these instances are generally minor, they add up when they’re held on to.

Even small offenses and conflicts it’s essential to your relationship to forgive and let go. You may need to deal with some of these issues together. You may need to decide that things are the way they are, that they’re not that big of a deal, and choose not to let them bother you. At first letting go even of little things takes a conscious effort and practice. But with practice, forgiving the little things and letting them go becomes easier and easier.

Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers overall wrongs. Proverbs 10:12

Bigger issues take a little more of a process to forgive. Once the hurt has been acknowledged (which sometimes happens immediately, and at other times happens more slowly), the wrong action that caused the hurt needs to be acknowledged as wrong. Because you choose the past of forgiveness doesn’t mean a wrong action is okay or is to be overlooked. It does mean that you choose not to hold that action against your husband once it’s dealt with and forgiven. If you define who your spouse is by this action, use it to manipulate him, or bring it up at a later time, forgiveness hasn’t occurred. It will likely take discussing the issue with your husband, may take talking it through with a trusted third party (e.g. pastor, counselor), and it will definitely take prayer. The process may be quick, or it may be slow, but it is essential to having a healthy marriage.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

2 comments on "Rules of a Healthy Marriage VI"

sean on November 24, 2010 at 10:22 PM said...

the most important rule is never miss a chance to say “I love you”.

Oriya Matrimonial on February 7, 2011 at 6:16 AM said...

Definitely to forgive is a great thing you can do in a relationship. It really takes a lot of courage to forgive and very few have it. It's always better to forgive as either you can forgive them for what they have done, or you must move on with your life without them.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Rules of a Healthy Marriage VI

Forgiveness. Your husband will irritate you, frustrate you and hurt you. After all, he’s only human. When these things happen, however, you have a choice to make. You either hold onto it and let it build a divide between you and your husband or you let it go, forgive him and add to the bond you have with him. Forgiveness is always the best choice: for you, for him, and for your marriage.

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. Proverbs 17: 14

You may be thinking, “but what he did was wrong! And I’m supposed to just forgive him?” Yes. And no. We are called to always forgive, but there’s nothing that says forgiveness is easy or simple. Often it’s not a matter of “just forgiving.” It’s about processing, dealing with, and forgiving.

If the source of conflict is minor (an irritating habit, being late, viewing things differently) then it may be as much about changing expectations so they’re more realistic and accept your husband’s short-comings as it is about forgiveness. There is an element of forgiveness, however. You may need to forgive him for disappointing you. You may need to forgive him for not holding to his word. You may need to forgive him for not being perfect. Although these instances are generally minor, they add up when they’re held on to.

Even small offenses and conflicts it’s essential to your relationship to forgive and let go. You may need to deal with some of these issues together. You may need to decide that things are the way they are, that they’re not that big of a deal, and choose not to let them bother you. At first letting go even of little things takes a conscious effort and practice. But with practice, forgiving the little things and letting them go becomes easier and easier.

Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers overall wrongs. Proverbs 10:12

Bigger issues take a little more of a process to forgive. Once the hurt has been acknowledged (which sometimes happens immediately, and at other times happens more slowly), the wrong action that caused the hurt needs to be acknowledged as wrong. Because you choose the past of forgiveness doesn’t mean a wrong action is okay or is to be overlooked. It does mean that you choose not to hold that action against your husband once it’s dealt with and forgiven. If you define who your spouse is by this action, use it to manipulate him, or bring it up at a later time, forgiveness hasn’t occurred. It will likely take discussing the issue with your husband, may take talking it through with a trusted third party (e.g. pastor, counselor), and it will definitely take prayer. The process may be quick, or it may be slow, but it is essential to having a healthy marriage.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

2 comments:

sean said...

the most important rule is never miss a chance to say “I love you”.

Oriya Matrimonial said...

Definitely to forgive is a great thing you can do in a relationship. It really takes a lot of courage to forgive and very few have it. It's always better to forgive as either you can forgive them for what they have done, or you must move on with your life without them.

 

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