Friday, November 19, 2010

Rules of a Healthy Marriage V

Posted by Tracy Wainwright at 10:03 AM
The tools are first to recognize the differences between the way men and women communicate, second to listen, and third to respect what’s being said. Clarification is also important. As the examples I gave before and plenty you can probably think of make it clear, clarification is very helpful. I often repeat back to my husband what he’s said to me. “So..” and I repeat what I heard. It may sound silly, and sometimes he tells me that all I’m doing is repeating what he said, but it works. I tell him, “just clarifying, honey. Don’t want to misunderstand you.”

I statements are also important in communication. These are statements like, “It upsets me when you’re running late and don’t call,” and “I don’t like it when you ignore me.” The alternative statements that are unhealthy include character attacking and blame-placing. They are statements like, “You’re so inconsiderate and selfish. You can’t even take a second to call when you’re late,” and “You make me crazy when you ignore me.” Positive words and encouragement are also essential elements to healthy communication. That doesn’t mean that you lie, or hold back things that bother you, but that you share those things in as positive a way as possible. It also means that you make a conscious effort to speak words of praise and encouragement to your husband as much as possible. Accusatory, negative and bitter words reek havoc on your relationship. Uplifting, positive and loving words will increase affection between you and your husband. It’s your choice how you use your words. [Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18]

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Friday, November 19, 2010

Rules of a Healthy Marriage V

The tools are first to recognize the differences between the way men and women communicate, second to listen, and third to respect what’s being said. Clarification is also important. As the examples I gave before and plenty you can probably think of make it clear, clarification is very helpful. I often repeat back to my husband what he’s said to me. “So..” and I repeat what I heard. It may sound silly, and sometimes he tells me that all I’m doing is repeating what he said, but it works. I tell him, “just clarifying, honey. Don’t want to misunderstand you.”

I statements are also important in communication. These are statements like, “It upsets me when you’re running late and don’t call,” and “I don’t like it when you ignore me.” The alternative statements that are unhealthy include character attacking and blame-placing. They are statements like, “You’re so inconsiderate and selfish. You can’t even take a second to call when you’re late,” and “You make me crazy when you ignore me.” Positive words and encouragement are also essential elements to healthy communication. That doesn’t mean that you lie, or hold back things that bother you, but that you share those things in as positive a way as possible. It also means that you make a conscious effort to speak words of praise and encouragement to your husband as much as possible. Accusatory, negative and bitter words reek havoc on your relationship. Uplifting, positive and loving words will increase affection between you and your husband. It’s your choice how you use your words. [Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18]

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