Thursday, May 29, 2008

Guiding 3

Posted by Tracy Wainwright at 9:15 PM 0 comments
Children often get frustrated, angry, violent, and have difficulty with others because they don’t have the tools to handle difficult situations or communicate in beneficial ways. Many of these things seem small, and will most likely have to be repeated innumerable times, but put together enable a child to feel self-confident and have healthy relationships. Like teachable moments to model and talk about appropriate behaviors, opportunities to guide children in replacing negative behaviors and words with positive ones are almost countless. Each time a child gets frustrated when something’s not working the way they want it to is an opportunity to talk them through the problem calmly and showing them how to try it a different way. Each time a child gets angry is an opportunity to talk them through using their words to express themselves and resolve conflicts. Each time a child gets violent is an opportunity to express that violence isn’t appropriate and to talk through other ways of handling themselves.
Guiding, like modeling and verbalizing, is something that becomes natural with practice. And your children will give you lots of opportunities to practice. Although each child is different in how they learn and how fast they learn, none of them learn everything the first time. Repetition is the key to instilling the behaviors you wish to see. And those moments when your child does exactly what you’ve been working so hard to teach them will come – and oh how worth the hard work it will all be!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Guiding 2

Posted by Tracy Wainwright at 10:10 PM 0 comments
Guiding includes giving a child words to use. It’s not “Give me milk.” It’s “Mommy, may I please have some milk.” It’s not “No, I won’t do it.” It’s “I’d rather not.” It’s not “Eww, Yuck.” It’s I’d prefer not to eat peas.” It’s not “Sammy’s mean.” It’s “Sammy hurt my feelings by snatching my toy.”Guiding also is teaching behaviors. Instead of whining and complaining while standing in line at the grocery store (or asking for every piece of candy on the shelf), try counting the number of other people waiting, or make up a story about what the food does at night when the store’s closed, or review school work, or practice scripture. Instead of hitting someone when they make a child mad, teach them to hit a pillow, or do jumping jacks, or go spend a few minutes alone to calm down. Instead of throwing something when frustrated with a task, teach them to write about their frustration, or jump on a trampoline, or talk about it. There are countless ways to handle difficult situations and express feelings. The goal is to teach appropriate behaviors that will be effective in handling situations. The method and techniques chosen will depend on the personality of the child. When an effective strategy is taught, appropriate ways to say and do things, a child is empowered.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Guiding

Posted by Tracy Wainwright at 7:53 PM 0 comments
The next step in teaching children is guiding. Guiding is showing your child how to do something. Children learn a lot by seeing and hearing, but even more by doing. It’s kind of like teaching a child to ride a bike. They see other people doing it, we explain how to do it, and we put them on the bike and hang on while they work at getting it. In teaching things like respect, responsibility, integrity, and patience we sometimes have to “hang on” with them while they work at getting it. This is something that has to be done intentionally. Parents are generally quick to tell a child what behavior not to exhibit, but often forget to tell a child what behavior to exhibit and how to do it. Telling children not to argue lets them know that arguing is unacceptable, but it doesn’t tell them how to handle conflicts. Telling a child to be patient lets them know that patience is valued and expected, but it doesn’t tell them how to wait patiently. For a negative behavior to be stopped effectively, it must be replaced with positive behaviors.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Teachable Moments

Posted by Tracy Wainwright at 9:42 PM 1 comments
When a child asks about traffic and expresses impatience, it’s a golden opportunity to talk about patience. To tell them that patience isn’t waiting, but how we wait. And since we can’t make the traffic move, let’s do something fun like sing songs. When they comment on how busy you are with chores, it’s the perfect opportunity to talk about every one pitching in to help and having a positive attitude while getting the not-so-fun things done. When a child asks about that person at the store that wasn’t very nice, it’s a wonderful time to talk about being kind to people regardless of how they act, and that we never know what’s going on with someone to make them behave in an unkind manner. Teachable moments are almost limitless once mommy’s radar is tuned into them. Even though a child may notice mommy’s behaviors, he/she most likely will not understand the why and how without talking about it.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Random Mommy Tip #3

Posted by Tracy Wainwright at 8:38 PM 1 comments
Get on the Floor
Tonight I got on the floor and played with my children. It was wonderful and reminded me that I need to do it more often. In trying to keep balance in everything (including writing about keeping in balance) I've neglected just hanging out and playing with my children. There's always something to do. But, as I was reminded tonight, they won't always want to get on the floor, make a tent, roll around and get tickled and tackled silly. They may not remember this particular night that mommy took time to play. But I want them to know that they're a priority and just getting on the floor and giving them my undivided attention for 30 minutes tells them "you are important to me and I enjoy spending time with you." That's worth letting the laundry go until tomorrow.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Love

Posted by Tracy Wainwright at 6:31 PM 1 comments
Happy Mother's Day! On those hard days (when we're not being treated special like we are on Mother's Day) it helps me to meditate on 1 Corinthians 13.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it is not proud, it does not boast. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. Love never fails.

God is love and will never fail us. On those days we struggle to be patient and kind, all we have to do is rely on, trust in, and lean on Him, and His Spirit will fill us with love so that it can overflow to our families.

God loves you and has something special in store for you every day!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Answering Children's Questions

Posted by Tracy Wainwright at 8:59 PM 0 comments
As children get older new rules get added, and some rules get adjusted, but children are able to handle these changes and additions. Likewise, when teaching character traits, children need a lot of verbalizing when they are younger and less and less as they get older. Most young children will invite opportunities to verbalize traits that you want to teach them. Children notice things. And if they’re like my children, they seem to notice everything. And they ask questions. About everything. Although parents tend to get tired of the seemingly-never-ending line of questioning, these are golden opportunities. I believe if we would answer every question children ask, we wouldn’t have to formally education them until they’re about 10. In addition to teaching our children that red lights mean stop and green lights mean go, that the moon is on the other side of the earth during the day (most of the time), and that pets need lot of caring for, we can also teach our children values and positive character traits through their questions.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Quiet Time

Posted by Tracy Wainwright at 2:09 PM 0 comments
Quiet time is one of my favorite tools. Since one of my children doesn't take a nap at all and one only sporatically, we have quiet time. Not every day, but most days. First of all, mommy needs a break. With three children five and under there's a lot demanded of me constantly through the day. A little time to breath, get things done, rest, think, is necesssary for me to maintain my mental health. And even though the children often protest, I notice a big difference in their attitudes after quiet time. Everyone has a chance to play without having to consider someone else or worry about snatching or inturruptions. They also are learning that they are important people to be with. Time with themselves is valuable. And usually by the end of quiet time everyone's ready to play together nicely, for a while any way. Most of all, though, mommy is a little more rested and accomplished feeling and is able to handle things much better.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Guiding 3

Children often get frustrated, angry, violent, and have difficulty with others because they don’t have the tools to handle difficult situations or communicate in beneficial ways. Many of these things seem small, and will most likely have to be repeated innumerable times, but put together enable a child to feel self-confident and have healthy relationships. Like teachable moments to model and talk about appropriate behaviors, opportunities to guide children in replacing negative behaviors and words with positive ones are almost countless. Each time a child gets frustrated when something’s not working the way they want it to is an opportunity to talk them through the problem calmly and showing them how to try it a different way. Each time a child gets angry is an opportunity to talk them through using their words to express themselves and resolve conflicts. Each time a child gets violent is an opportunity to express that violence isn’t appropriate and to talk through other ways of handling themselves.
Guiding, like modeling and verbalizing, is something that becomes natural with practice. And your children will give you lots of opportunities to practice. Although each child is different in how they learn and how fast they learn, none of them learn everything the first time. Repetition is the key to instilling the behaviors you wish to see. And those moments when your child does exactly what you’ve been working so hard to teach them will come – and oh how worth the hard work it will all be!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Guiding 2

Guiding includes giving a child words to use. It’s not “Give me milk.” It’s “Mommy, may I please have some milk.” It’s not “No, I won’t do it.” It’s “I’d rather not.” It’s not “Eww, Yuck.” It’s I’d prefer not to eat peas.” It’s not “Sammy’s mean.” It’s “Sammy hurt my feelings by snatching my toy.”Guiding also is teaching behaviors. Instead of whining and complaining while standing in line at the grocery store (or asking for every piece of candy on the shelf), try counting the number of other people waiting, or make up a story about what the food does at night when the store’s closed, or review school work, or practice scripture. Instead of hitting someone when they make a child mad, teach them to hit a pillow, or do jumping jacks, or go spend a few minutes alone to calm down. Instead of throwing something when frustrated with a task, teach them to write about their frustration, or jump on a trampoline, or talk about it. There are countless ways to handle difficult situations and express feelings. The goal is to teach appropriate behaviors that will be effective in handling situations. The method and techniques chosen will depend on the personality of the child. When an effective strategy is taught, appropriate ways to say and do things, a child is empowered.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Guiding

The next step in teaching children is guiding. Guiding is showing your child how to do something. Children learn a lot by seeing and hearing, but even more by doing. It’s kind of like teaching a child to ride a bike. They see other people doing it, we explain how to do it, and we put them on the bike and hang on while they work at getting it. In teaching things like respect, responsibility, integrity, and patience we sometimes have to “hang on” with them while they work at getting it. This is something that has to be done intentionally. Parents are generally quick to tell a child what behavior not to exhibit, but often forget to tell a child what behavior to exhibit and how to do it. Telling children not to argue lets them know that arguing is unacceptable, but it doesn’t tell them how to handle conflicts. Telling a child to be patient lets them know that patience is valued and expected, but it doesn’t tell them how to wait patiently. For a negative behavior to be stopped effectively, it must be replaced with positive behaviors.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Teachable Moments

When a child asks about traffic and expresses impatience, it’s a golden opportunity to talk about patience. To tell them that patience isn’t waiting, but how we wait. And since we can’t make the traffic move, let’s do something fun like sing songs. When they comment on how busy you are with chores, it’s the perfect opportunity to talk about every one pitching in to help and having a positive attitude while getting the not-so-fun things done. When a child asks about that person at the store that wasn’t very nice, it’s a wonderful time to talk about being kind to people regardless of how they act, and that we never know what’s going on with someone to make them behave in an unkind manner. Teachable moments are almost limitless once mommy’s radar is tuned into them. Even though a child may notice mommy’s behaviors, he/she most likely will not understand the why and how without talking about it.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Random Mommy Tip #3

Get on the Floor
Tonight I got on the floor and played with my children. It was wonderful and reminded me that I need to do it more often. In trying to keep balance in everything (including writing about keeping in balance) I've neglected just hanging out and playing with my children. There's always something to do. But, as I was reminded tonight, they won't always want to get on the floor, make a tent, roll around and get tickled and tackled silly. They may not remember this particular night that mommy took time to play. But I want them to know that they're a priority and just getting on the floor and giving them my undivided attention for 30 minutes tells them "you are important to me and I enjoy spending time with you." That's worth letting the laundry go until tomorrow.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Love

Happy Mother's Day! On those hard days (when we're not being treated special like we are on Mother's Day) it helps me to meditate on 1 Corinthians 13.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it is not proud, it does not boast. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. Love never fails.

God is love and will never fail us. On those days we struggle to be patient and kind, all we have to do is rely on, trust in, and lean on Him, and His Spirit will fill us with love so that it can overflow to our families.

God loves you and has something special in store for you every day!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Answering Children's Questions

As children get older new rules get added, and some rules get adjusted, but children are able to handle these changes and additions. Likewise, when teaching character traits, children need a lot of verbalizing when they are younger and less and less as they get older. Most young children will invite opportunities to verbalize traits that you want to teach them. Children notice things. And if they’re like my children, they seem to notice everything. And they ask questions. About everything. Although parents tend to get tired of the seemingly-never-ending line of questioning, these are golden opportunities. I believe if we would answer every question children ask, we wouldn’t have to formally education them until they’re about 10. In addition to teaching our children that red lights mean stop and green lights mean go, that the moon is on the other side of the earth during the day (most of the time), and that pets need lot of caring for, we can also teach our children values and positive character traits through their questions.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Quiet Time

Quiet time is one of my favorite tools. Since one of my children doesn't take a nap at all and one only sporatically, we have quiet time. Not every day, but most days. First of all, mommy needs a break. With three children five and under there's a lot demanded of me constantly through the day. A little time to breath, get things done, rest, think, is necesssary for me to maintain my mental health. And even though the children often protest, I notice a big difference in their attitudes after quiet time. Everyone has a chance to play without having to consider someone else or worry about snatching or inturruptions. They also are learning that they are important people to be with. Time with themselves is valuable. And usually by the end of quiet time everyone's ready to play together nicely, for a while any way. Most of all, though, mommy is a little more rested and accomplished feeling and is able to handle things much better.
 

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