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Making More Time Part 8 (Final segment)

2012-02-13T12:11:00.002-05:00

The eighth and final tip to make more time is to: Enlist help, or delegate.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one, because they have a good returnfor their labor:

It’s okay to say “no” – Being able todo it all and have it all is a myth. We were never made to do everything all the time and women end up running ragged trying to keep up the image of perfection. We may disappoint someone once in a while if we say "no" to doing something, but if we wear ourselves too thin trying to do everything, we'll end up being no good to anyone.

Children can work, too - even children as young as two can throw a diaper away, put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket. My two-year-old even helps unload the dishwasher and get clean clothes out of the dryer. Our children should be taught to be responsible members of our families. As they get older, they get more privileges, and these should always also come with added responsibilities. This will not only help us, but help our children when they're grown and need to take care of themselves and their families. My oldest already knows if she wants the privilege of sitting in the front seat when she turns twelve, she will have to take on the responsibility of babysitting her younger siblings on occasion.

Pay for help or exchange for it ifyou need to – are you working to help with bills but maybe have extra you coulduse for cleaning? Can you trade with a friend for services? Babysitter forhair. Meals for cleaning. You run errands today, your friend next week. There are numerous ways to trade for help if you can't pay for it.

God is your greatest helper. Don’tlack what you need because you didn’t ask. (James 4:2)

And remember: God will provide everything you needto do everything He’s called you to do.

Making More Time Part 7

2011-12-23T10:53:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted about making more time. I've been making more time for Christmas cards, presents, finishing homeschooling and starting a new book. When these things take over, blogging gets pushed to the back burner. But, a request from a fellow writer to guest blog has gotten me back on. And now I'll share the last two tips on making more time, in a season when it's highly needed.

As a reminder, the first six tips are:
1 - Monitor how you spend your time
2 - Open yourself to change
3 - Redeem your time for the most important things
4 - Eliminate or reduce time stealers
5 - Take time to organize
6 - Include the fun stuff

And number 7 is - Make sure God comes first

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.Deuteronomy 6:5

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

These are Biblical principles known to many, but how do you put it into action? What does it mean day-in and day-out? It means scheduling your time around God and His priorities, instead of trying to squeeze God in around everything else we have to do. And surprisingly, when we do this, our time and effectiveness will actually increase.

We often try to do things in our own strength, which always fails eventually. Spending time with and relying on God for direction, wisdom, and strength will provide us with everything we need to live with joy and balance each day.

But what about when things get chaotic? Life often throws us off balance and circumstances come up that take up time in our already full schedules. If we’re standing on God as the Rock of our life and the Lord of every detail, He will guide us through every single detail.

Also, it's important not to see things as stealing your time. Every breath we take is a gift from God and we’re here for His purpose. Our time is His and our job is to live each second of it in gratefulness and obedience through the power of His Holy Spirit.

Putting God first doesn't mean you have to become a morning person and spend a couple hours in prayer and the Word (although it most certainly doesn't hurt anything), it means actively pursuing a deep relationship with God on a daily basis. And when our time is viewed as a gift from God and we dedicate everything we do to Him, our time will increase exponentially.

How I filled 6 Stockings for under $50

2011-12-22T10:46:00.000-05:00

I'm a pretty frugal person, but I also like to buy gifts. Especially for those closest to me. We decided to do a simple Christmas this year. We only bought each child one gift of $20 or less (the littlest got 3 gifts, as her items cost a lot less.) We're doing homemade gifts for friends and family, excluding the parents. Our most exciting gifts of this year were our donation to Lottie Moon and the purchase of a bike for a missionary in Asia. Last night, I got to do one of the things I enjoy the most: I raided the Dollar Tree for stocking stuffers. And I got out of there for under $50! With enough items to fill 6 stockings (okay, hubby's isn't quite full, but mine is :)

So how did I do it? The trick, first, is to think small for stockings. The big gifts (even if it's just one per person) are under the tree. Stockings are for extra treats. The second trick is to shop a dollar store (or the dollar bins at Target or Wal-Mart.) The third trick is to buy multi-packed items. I like to buy things useful, and my kids are fairly used to this, so they don't complain. I also add in fun stuff. So here's what they got:

a highlighter (bought as pack of 4)
Christmas stickers (they're really gift tags, 4 sheets for $1)
gum (these come in packs, the older ones got 4 different flavors)
mints (also sold in multi-packs)
coloring book (each of younger got one, oldest got a small spiral notebook)
play kitchen items (set of 3 spatulas -each girl got one, ramekins - two youngest got set of 3 each)
bags of self-adhesive foam craft items
new toothbrushes (two got toothpaste in the package)
new bath sponges (they even had the fun animal ones)
a miniature coke glass (they each get one every year, they're 2/$1)
spy kits (one for each oldest 2, fingerprint kit and decoder)
glue stick
dry erase marker

So, that's my list. Fun and useful combined in one!

For me (yes, I stuff my own stocking - because I can!), I got new hot pads for the kitchen, a kitchen timer for school (for math speed drills), teacher tape with letters & numbers, reward stickers, green bags for fruits and veggies, my favorite blue gel pens, and gum, and super glue.

Hubby gets a new click n flame lighter, disposable vinyl gloves (he complained we didn't have any in the kitchen the other day - gag gifts work well for stockings), and gum.

Oh, yeah, and I bought a box of hot chocolate mix and gave everyone a packet.

So, it can be done. You can stuff stockings for less than $10 a piece, if you're creative and see it as fun.

Compassion for Christmas

2011-12-20T10:41:00.003-05:00

Guest Post by Jennifer Slattery:

As I look around my house, wrapping paper strewn across the floor, packages lined on the shelves, and shopping lists still waiting to be fulfilled, a twinge of conviction nabs my heart. Each present, each tinsel, each afternoon shopping spree has the capacity to send our daughter a message–to train generosity or materialism. Each holiday celebration can either draw her heart further to Christ or center it more firmly around herself.

A while back I realized if I truly wanted to train compassion, I needed to pull her out of middle-class suberbia once in a while. It’s easy to long for X-boxes and other trinkets–to feel entitled and deprived–when you’re surrounded by friends who have those very items you lack. But surrounded by extreme poverty, by those who have little if anything to call their own, those wants begin to fade as something else rises in their place–compassion. Realizing this, my husband and I started to make determined efforts to place her in serving roles, around those who had far less than her. And we’ve noticed a definite change–less of the gimmes and a stronger desire to give.

What about you? What will you do to actively train compassion and contentment this year? Don’t buy into the lie that your children need one hundred gifts under the tree. In fact, those gifts you fought for, stood in line for, scrimped and saved to give them, could very well do more harm than good. Our children don’t need more cause to think of themselves, but instead, encouragement to look beyond and into the hearts of others.

As parents, may we remember our greatest call is to train not the next CEO but instead, a fully-devoted follower of Christ. With each activity we plan and conversation we initiate, may the lofty call outlined in Philipians 2:1-8 burn fresh in our minds as we remember this call is not for us alone, but for our children as well.

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very natureof a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death — even death on a cross!

Lord, this Christmas remove materialism from my heart and home. Remind me to demonstrate it’s true meaning in how I spend my time, the things I buy, and the words I say. Prevent me from spreading the cancer of materialism into the lives of others and may I instead encourage radical obedience and full surrender.

Jennifer Slattery
Broken Lives Saturated by Grace
http://JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLoud.com

Making More Time 6

2011-11-23T09:06:00.002-05:00

Around this time of year (and most, really), many of us need more time. And this tip in particular. In the middle of everything going on, all the responsibilities we have, and running around, we must remember to Include The Fun Stuff. These are the things that help us to maintain our relationships, sanity, and health.

Jesus said: "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." (John 10:10) Life is often not easy. There is stress, hurt, and lots of work involved. One of the ways we live life abundantly (the main way is to completely rely on, trust in, and obey God) is to take time to enjoy the time we have.

God never calls us to simply be busy for busyness' sake. He calls us to be fruitful for His kingdom. Our busyness can inhibit our discipleship - growing in our relationship with God and fostering relationships with other. Whatever that may be, we should seriously consider letting it go. And make room for life to be enjoyed.

Everything, however, doesn't have to be perfect for us to enjoy life. God tells us to take captive every thought. That means we can have right, true, pure, and good thoughts regardless of what's going on. And having a positive attitude helps us to enjoy life. Even chores can become fun when we have the right attitude. Turn up the music. Make it a game. Leave the dishes once in a while and go play with the kids. They'll remember that more anyhow.

And remember: balance, balance, balance! If you always leave the chores for fun, life will become chaotic and dirty. But if you always leave fun for chores, life will be depressed and grumpy. And as you utilize all the tips for making more time, you'll naturally be more balanced.

Making More Time Part 5

2011-11-17T14:15:00.002-05:00

Did I mention organization? Oh, yeah, I did. Well, it's that important in making more time, so we're going to talk about it again. Taking the Time to Organize is our next step in making more time in our busy, over-scheduled lives.

In organization, it's true that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. The easier things are to find, the quicker you'll find them. Have you ever chased an item or two down, wasting precious time when you're trying to head out the door? Or marking things off your to-do list, only to spend half an hour searching for some essential piece of the puzzle? I think we've all been there.

On a large scale, imagine the library without organization. You have one particular book in mind, and you wonder around the library searching for the title among several thousand books thrown on the shelf in order that they came in, instead of by category or alphabetized. Think that would take a little more time than getting the call number or knowing where to look by the author?

On a smaller scale, the same is true for how we run our homes. However, you don't have to be an organizational master! Start small (where you put your keys, shoes, mail.) Recruit help to get started. If organization isn't your strength, surely someone in your life is good at it. And most likely, they'd be more than willing to pitch in and help out. My mother does several times a year - whether it is toys or clothes, in a house of four kids I often need help!

Set clear goals. Know what needs to be done when. Then they're easier to reach. What areas of home-management do you need the most help with organization? What tasks do you do on a regular basis that would run smoother if you had a more consistent routine?

As helps, lists, calendars, and day planners are available in abundance (or make your own!). These give concreteness to what needs to be down and helps reduce conflicts. Our brains are busy and often overloaded with extraneous data. Writing things down and being able to see what needs to be done is very helpful. And, when the calendar gets to full, it's a clue that it's time to return to steps two and four.

Don't worry if you're not a list/calendar person, though. These are simply tools! If it's not working for you (and make sure it doesn't become that you're working for it), then it's no longer a tool, but a burden. If that happens, reevaluate again and figure out what works for you.

We all have the same 24 hours a day, we simply have to balance our responsibilities and desires with how we use those hours. Organization will go a long way in helping us use our time efficiently and see when we need to unload a thing or two.

Making More Time Part 4

2011-11-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

The fourth step in making more time is a fun one. Can you feel the sarcasm dripping off the page? This is actually one of the most difficult to face. We've addressed it somewhat in looking at how we spend our time and making sure we're redeeming our time for the most important things. But, today we go a step further. Today we look at: Eliminating or reducing time stealers.

If we're brave enough to examine how our time's truly spent, we will find that our lives tend to be full of time stealers. These are the things that are unnecessary. Things that bring comfort, or some pleasure, or simply offer distraction. But if we're complaining that we don't have time to do everything and these things take up a good part of our time, we have to be willing to acknowledge them.

So, here we go. I'm just going to throw them out there without much comment. After all, I struggle in many of these areas, too.

Television - how often does 30 minutes turn into 3 hours (or more)?

Computer/internet - have you ever gotten lost in the web maze?

Unnecessary extra-curricular activities - Do we need to be involved in everything we're involved in? Even if they're all good things?

Things to meet others' expectations - This doesn't mean we ignore responsibilities, but how much of what we do is because someone else things we should?

Arbitrary rules - many of us have "rules" that we live by, usually things that began as good habits by us or others. But we adapt them as rules we have to live by and they often become stressors. Does the house have to be cleaned every week? Do all meals need to be cooked from scratch? Can we not recruit help in some needed areas? What rules have you made for yourself that you could let go of?

Disorganization - Looking for lost items expends a lot of time and energy. If everything has a place and you take the few moments to put it where it belongs, you will save yourself gobs of time that would be spent looking for it.

Remember, if you don't have enough time to do everything, something has to change for you to have time for the important things. What stealers can be reduced or let go? I promise the long-term payoff is better than the short term pleasure of that time-stealing item!

Making More Time Part 3

2011-11-10T09:35:00.002-05:00

So, the journey to find more time continues. After you've begun to monitor your time and opened yourself up to make changes, the third step is to Redeem Your Time for the Most Important Things.

1 Corinthians 15:58 Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

We tend to have so many options for things to do to fill up our time, that it's easy to let the less important things slip in and push the more important things out of the way. If I were asked, I'd say that the most important things in my life are:

Faith

Family

Friendships

Finances

Fun

It's easy to claim these are my priorities, but if I'm willing to be honest and inspect my life closer, I have to ask: Am I living them out? It's much easier to say what our priorities are than it is to spend our time on what we say is most important. Are you willing to compare what you say your priorities are with how you spend your time?

That doesn't mean that if you spend 8 hours a day sleeping and 8 hours a day at work that those are your top priorities. God gave us sleep and calls us to work (whether it's within or outside of the home.) I'm talking more about our flexible time. The time we have that's more negotiable in how we spend it.

If you were to look at your time and make a chart of pie graph, what would it look like? In a typical week, how do you spend your time? How much time do you spend:

Quiet time with God in prayer and/or personal Bible study

Self-care (shower, makeup, nails, hair, etc.)

Physical fitness (exercising)

Watching TV

Non-work time on computer

Working

Housework (cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work, etc.)

Time with children (taking care of and spending fun time with)

Errands and extra-curricular activities

Church attendance

Care of family members (not children)

Time with friends

Time with Spouse

Ministering to others (cooking meals, helping with errands, making gifts, visiting, babysitting, etc.)

After an honest look, are you living out your priorities? If not, what small changes can be made to move the most important things to the top of your time-list?

Making More Time Part 2

2011-11-08T09:33:00.001-05:00

In making more time, once you become aware of your time through monitoring it, the next step is to open yourself up for change. If you want to experience change (i.e. no longer feeling overwhelmed and like time's running away from you) then you have to be willing to make changes.

Even the small changes can be hard, but the payoff's immeasurable. Think back. Is there one habit you've changed in the past that's helped you use your time more effectively? Even though there might have been an adjustment period, didn't it make things run more smoothly? One thing I've changed is making sure I put my keys in the same place every time I come home. That way, when it's time to walk out the door and I'm trying to make sure myself and all the kids have everything they're supposed to have, I don't even have to think about where the keys are.

The second reason to open your self to change is that God wants to refine you through the use of your time.

Psalm 66:10 For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver.

Daniel 12:10 Many will be purified, made spotless and refined, but the wicked will continue to be wicked. None of the wicked will understand, but those who are wise will understand.

As long as we're on this earth, there's work God can do and wants to do in us. It may have to do with our time, our attitudes, our thoughts, our relationships, or our money. All of these things take time, and if we simply open ourselves up to God, He will do an amazing work in us.

If we feel like we never have time to do everything, chances are we've taken on more than God's called us to. Something may have worked for a while, but then more or different responsibilities came into the picture and we didn't want to let go of anything.

If we're hanging onto something in our life that we should have let go, our hand stays clenched around that thing and remains closed to the additional blessings God may have waiting to pour down on us.

What have you been holding onto that God wants you to let go of so He can our more blessings down on you?

Next, and closely related to the previous reason for being open to change, is that God wants to transform you through the use of your time.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

2 Corinthians 3:18 And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

If we don't have time to spend with God in His Word and in prayer, we are not fully living in His will. These are the ways God transforms us. There's no set time to spend with God that's necessary to draw closer to Him, but some time is essential.

Are you willing to ask God what time He wants you to give Him one-on-one?

Making More Time

2011-11-06T08:42:00.001-05:00

Do you ever feel like time flies by without notice? That there is never enough time to get everything done that you need to get done? In our world of hurry and scurry, most of us feel overwhelmed with responsibilities and short on time. The good thing is that there are ways to make more time! Think about it: more time to enjoy your family, more time to spend with God, more time to sleep. What a wonderful thought. Over the next few weeks, my posts will focus on the tricks and tools I've learned to make more time, something that's a work in progress.

The first step to making more time is to: Monitor how you spend your time.

Why is this important? A few reasons.

1 - God cares how we spend our time. Does He really? According to the Word, He does. Here are just a couple examples of God addressing what He thinks about our time usage:

2 Thess. 3:11 We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies.

1 Timothy 5:13 Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to.

These verses address what God thinks about our wasting time. I couldn't even begin to include scriptures that talk about how we should spend our time: in hymns of praise, encouraging each other, loving each other, taking care of each other, preaching the gospel. All we have while on this earth is time. How we spend it determines many things in our lives: how hard we work determines our grades or pay or promotion. How much time and the kind of time we spend with our children goes a long way to determining our relationships with them. Our time spent with other loved ones, including God, determines the depth and health of those relationships. Time is the one thing, once spent, can never be regained. And it matters how we spend it.

What would you say if I said we have more time today than people (as a general rule) than ever before? You'd probably look at me like I'd lost my mind. We do, though! The more conveniences we get in life, the more idle time we have. We simply fill it up. We fill it up with sports and parties and dinners and browsing the web and watching TV and reading books and sitting around talking. We have tons of idle time (for the most of us) when we're not working on our livelihood or maintaining our homes. We simply fill all that time up.

However, it's important to remember that we have one purpose on this earth and that’s to be a disciple of Christ. That can include the fun things and the relaxing things, but it's important to remember that those are not the most important things.

And nothing says we can't rest!God allows for rest, but in our society we take much more than the one/seventh of each week to rest. We view any time we spend on working, chores, and ministry as taking away from our time. The truth is, all of our time is a gift from God and should be used wisely.

2 - If we’re not conscience of our time, we’re more likely to waste it. How often do you get to the end of a day, or a week, or a month and wonder exactly where the time has gone? Time seems to simply slip away when we're not paying attention. That doesn't mean we are to ignore our responsibilities and watch the clock to value each moment. Scripture even addresses this:

Romans 13:11-14 But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don't loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! (Msg)

So how do you monitor your time without wasting more time monitoring it? Organization is one way. However, I know that not everyone is an organization master. But you don’t have to write a to-do list every day or keep physical track of your time. It's often helpful to do so, but isn't a requirement. Being intentional about how you use your time – both active time and rest time – will, however, help you be more fruitful instead of just busier.

3 - Living in the moment we have, with a grateful attitude for every single breath and gift from God, will increase your time exponentially. When we race from one thing to the next and are always looking forward, we miss the blessings of the moment, feel rushed, and actually lose time. Working on being fully present in the moment we’re in helps us not only feel like we have more time, but will dramatically decrease stress and increase joy.

Are you fully here right now? Or are you wondering if the house is being destroyed while you’re away or the list of things you have to do tomorrow, or next week, or even next month? Pause and take a moment to engage fully in this moment. What are you grateful for? What gifts has God given you today? Savor them. Be grateful for them. Ask God to help you recognize them.

Then ask Him to help make you aware of your time.

ii. Take a moment, engage in this second fully, and list 10 things you’re grateful for at this moment.

Learning from the Little Things

2011-11-02T11:33:00.003-04:00

The sound of a small person thumping and rolling down the stairs is a terrible one.

A few minutes ago I help my precious 2-year-old and thanked God for her cries. She was bumped around a bit, but really okay.

But it made me wonder: How many moms are holding a precious child in their arms who can no longer cry? Whether having succumbed to disease, cut short by starvation, or brutally killed because of persecution or other evil, how many mothers will weep over a baby today?

I am so grateful for every moment with my children, even the frustrating ones.

And I also wonder: What can I do to make a difference to those other mothers around the world? What little thing would I have to give up to donate a few meals? What time in prayer could I sacrifice for safety? In what ways can I help promote the spread of the gospel of Christ Jesus, the only true source of hope and peace?

Thank you, God, for protecting my child from serious harm and using such a small thing to draw me closer to Your will.

http://www.gfa.org/

http://www.compassion.com/

http://www.watoto.com/

Christians and Halloween

2011-10-31T09:04:00.001-04:00

It's interesting to me that I've heard more discussion about Christians and Halloween in the last week than I have my entire life. I can honestly say that for the majority of my life, I never gave the holiday a second thought. Growing up, I dressed up (although I can't remember a single costume I wore) and trick-or-treated at the dozen houses in close enough proximity to do so. As an adult, I've attended costume parties (I do remember a few of those costumes), get-togethers, and handed out candy to neighborhood children. I'm not sure exactly when the change started, but sometime after becoming a parent myself, I began to look at it from a slightly different angle. I'm sure my maturing faith and growing closer and learning to be more heedful of God in my life played a role as well.

Still, I've never once considered completely giving up doing anything on Halloween. Both of the churches I've attended have done fall festivals - one on Halloween day, one not. The festivals focus on fellowship, fun, and food. In other words, your normal Baptist fare. Costumes are allowed, as long as they're not scary.

This year, however, I observed a passionate discussion between some Christians that began over one's opinion that Christians should absolutely, in no way shape or form, take part in Halloween or its celebrations. The main argument was that Halloween has deep roots in pagan rituals. It began as a pagan celebration that's been white-washed and adapted to the American commercial culture. We are in a spiritual war and participating in Halloween opens us up to spiritual attack from our enemy, the devil.

The counter, argued that in Romans 14 God clearly addresses how Christians are to respond to the world and pagan rituals. In discussing eating things offered to idols, the Word says to seek God and either eat or don't eat with a clear conscious. He never says don't eat. He also says that nothing in and of itself is unclean. That includes Halloween - nothing means nothing.

However, it also says not to put a stumbling block in another's path, a statement another fellow Christian made in a completely different discussion about Halloween I found myself in. So what does that mean for Christians?

It means to seek God. Keep the issue between you and Him. And be willing to give up whatever your ideas are about the holiday and its traditions. Whenever we begin to espouse our opinions and what God's lead us to do over love and edification of each other, we have missed the point.

Another comment made in the latter discussion is that we are to be light in the world. How do we do this in relation to Halloween? For some it's completely pulling out of anything to do with it. For others, it's offering alternatives. For our family it's taking part in something that is very cultural, but in a slightly different way.

We allow our kids to dress up, but nothing scary is allowed. We allow them to go trick-or-treating and see neighbors we don't normally see after the weather gets cold. We also hand out candy, each peace with a scripture stapled to it. These tiny pieces of paper are surely discarded as quickly as the wrapper, but curiosity almost ensures that it will at least be read by some. And who knows? Maybe this is the only time some children will ever hear the words of the one, true, and holy God. Maybe a parent is struggling, has lost their way, or has never heard the Word themselves, and that one sentence will make an impact. (God's word is powerful and accomplishes things on its own.)

In addition, we hand out cider and chili to the parents that are supervising trick-or-treating. I'll be honest to say a warm cup on a cold night has never began a conversation about God. But I regretfully admit I've never prayed that it would. That an unexpected door would be opened. From now on, however, I will. And maybe a heart will be softened and open to the gospel because of a small giving gesture.

This is how we choose to be light in world full of darkness and a holiday steeped in historical darkness.

In the end it doesn't matter for you what I do with Halloween. In the end, it matters if you're willing to submit completely to obedience to God and how He leads you to handle this holiday. We are not to quarrel over disputable matters. Halloween is not directly addressed in Scripture (although passages on other pagan rituals are there to guide us) and is not a make-it-or-break-it issue for salvation. That makes it a disputable matter. We shouldn't extract a few scriptures to back up our point of view either, but take scripture as a whole and with an openness to God about this, as well as about the other details in our lives. God might surprise us. He might confirm us. Most assuredly He will bring us together as one and bring glory to Himself.

When Does Helping Hurt?

2011-10-11T15:28:00.002-04:00

A few years ago, my daughter would look at me with a twinkle in her eye and an adorable, slightly crooked smile on her face. I knew that look, and what was to follow. “Mom, because you’re such a kind, loving mom, will you…?” Then she’d bat her eyes and try to weasel an act of service out of me. As a parent, I must continually ask myself: What is best, long-term, for our daughter? When is helping an act of love and when does actually cause harm?

Our daughter’s behavior lasted but a blip because I’d always respond, “Honey, I love you too much for that. I want to train you to have a servant’s attitude, not a serve-me attitude. I want you to be responsible and confident, not dependent and insecure.”

In my opinion, helping hurts when it prevents growth or perpetuates faulty thinking.

About ten years ago I read Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. In the book, one of the authors share a story of visiting a friend. While there, this friend picks up her teenage son’s room. Watching this, the author says he feels sorry for the young man’s future wife. Basically, he pointed out that although the mother thought she was helping, her assuming responsibility for her son would actually hurt him in the long run by creating patterns of behavior that would affect future relationships.

I wrote a story about this very thing on Samie Sisters, a tween E-zine. You can read it here (http://www.samiesisters.com/previous_articles/Who-Cares-if-My-Room-is-Clean-.html). Through the story, I explore the habits formed during chores, habits that will carry into your child’s adult years. Although I didn’t mention it in the article, I also believe chores go a long way towards strengthening your child’s confidence. Each time we assign a task, then allow our child to complete it without jumping in, we are in effect saying, “I have full confidence in your ability to do this.” Each time we rescue them, perhaps because they throw a fit, get overwhelmed, or don’t do it how we’d like, we say, “I don’t believe you can do this.”

Everything we do, intentionally or unintentionally, forms habits, positive or negative. Our actions always make a statement. Multiply these unspoken statements over the course of 18 years, and you can see this is a big deal.

I adore my daughter. If given the chance, I’d shelter her from every trial and shower her with blessings, but as a mom, my love for her must override my desire for her pleasure. I need to parent from a long-term perspective, always evaluating attitudes and behaviors (I tend to place more emphasis on attitudes, because I believe attitude precedes behavior), in terms of our long-term parenting goals. We all want our children to be compassionate, responsible, dedicated, etc. The trick is helping them develop those character traits. I believe character traits are learned through consistent action.

Okay, so we all want these things for our children, and we love them deeply, but often we’re not sure how to go from desire to game-plan. (Forming a game plan, with your spouse, is essential because otherwise you’ll have a tendency to parent on emotion and the present, not based on forethought, education, prayer, and long-term goals.)

For me, one verse sums it up and ties it all together: “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)

Notice truth and love must always go hand-in-hand. And what is the goal? Maturity.

Take a moment to prayerfully evaluate your parenting in light of your child’s adulthood and Ephesians 4:15. Make a list of character traits, habits, and attitudes you’d like your child to develop, then review your parenting in light of that. Are you and your spouse moving your child toward those goals or away from them? And what can you do, starting today, to help train the future adult in your child?

Thanks a bunch to Jennifer Slattery for the guest post!!

Jennifer Slattery is a freelance writer, marketing manager for the literary website, Clash of the Titles and publicity assistant for Tiffany Colter, the Writing Career Coach. She’s placed in numerous writing contests and her work has appeared in many publications including the Bible Advocate and the Breakthrough Intercessor. She writes for Christ to the World Ministries, Samie Sisters, the Christian Pulse, and co-hosts a faith-based Facebook community called Living By Grace with five other writers. You can find more about her and her writing at her devotional blog, Jennifer Slattery Lives Out Loud (http://jenniferslatterylivesoutloud.com) and you can find out more about her critiquing and marketing services at Words that Keep (http://wordsthatkeep.wordpress.com).

Grateful or Grumpy

2011-09-07T15:05:00.002-04:00

I thought about writing this post a week or so ago, but didn't get around to it. It's about how we have a choice each day and with each situation we face: to be grateful or grumpy.

I've written several times about reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts (I'm not going to tag it this time, you'll have to read my other posts to find the tag or look it up :) and the lessons I'm learning from it. How being grateful every day is essential in having a God-focused perspective. And I planned to write more about it. But apparently, God delayed me because He wanted me to write more about it when everything wasn't smooth and grand. He was waiting for me to hit today.

I'm in the 320's on my list of things I'm grateful to God for. And I've even started my two oldest children keeping a grateful journal. But today I'm struggling. Because everything is NOT going smoothly. Nothing major's happened, but you know, a bunch of small things can add up to make one grumpy momma.

The first thing is my computer. I told my hubby and asked him to transfer the info to our friend who's always worked on our computers that it's been shutting down. No response. Then on Monday it decided to completely shut down and not even attempt to boot up. Not a wonderful, fuzzy, warm feeling is induced when a writer, blogger, connect to the world through the computer momma's computer is dead. So, I've left it, cried out for help, and used any computer I can get my hands on to check email and check in on Facebook. Today I'm sitting at my in-laws blogging. Hopefully by Saturday all the appropriate parts and computer guy will converge onto my house and have me up and running again in no time.

Then, we started school today. Let's just say that my children are not adjusting well to having to sit down, pay attention, and do school work for several hours a day (even though it's only three hours broken up into four 45-minute sessions throughout the morning with plenty of breaks.) Whininess, bouncing around the classroom, and tears are not uplifting for a homeschooling momma. But we persisted.

Then (Oh, yes. there's more!), when I went to unload the washing machine and begin drying the first (of the only three loads I had scheduled today), I discovered that one of my children had left a dry pullup in their pajama pants. Now, do you know what happens to a pullup in a washing machine? I do. And it's not pretty. Billions - no, I'm not exaggerating, but I might be underestimating - of moisture soaking beads have a field day and attach themselves to EVERY piece of clothing in the load. And I don't wash 10 items at a time.

So, I spent the first two school breaks shaking out moisture soaking beads out of laundry, wiping them up off the dryer, floor, and carpet, and doing my best to get them out of the washer. Hoping, enough have gotten out and not found their way into the holes of the washing machine spinner to ruin it.

The load goes back in, minus pullup and billions of beads. On the next break, I throw the now-clean, bead-free clothes in the dryer. And turn it on. To be greeted by an awful sound. Promptly stopped, I open the dryer to too much heat created in one minute of running and I know. The lint catcher that I had just emptied really didn't have enough lint on it. It's a top-loading lint catcher and it must have released the other 3/4 of built up lint below the lint catcher where I cannot reach. and it's clogged something and threatened to catch fire. Which is why we replaced our 10 year old dryer last year.

I diligently pull out the dryer, unplug it, and examine the thing. Nope. Not touching it. Guess what's greeting my darling husband when he gets home from work today? At least today isn't scheduled to be a 9 a.m. to 11 p.m. workday like he's worked so frequently in the last two months.

So, on a day like today, I still have a choice: grateful or grumpy. To be grumpy would be easy. To vent, eat away my frustrations, lock myself in my room. Yell at the whiney, not-using-potty-like-she-knows-how, aggrivating each other children. It would be so easy. But then there's the list. The list I add several more things on today, even though it's a struggle to.

rain
tomatoes off the vine
hubby returning a message from work
sleeping in after a restless night
staying on schedule for our first day of school
plenty of clothes to wear
playing a game with my two oldest
watching my two youngest entertain and be sweet to each other

These are the things I choose to focus on. Even when it's hard. And I'm able to let go of the small ways Satan tries to attack, tries to get me off course, tries to tell me God doesn't care. But I know He does, and I'll hold onto that.

Motivation to Minister

2011-08-25T22:03:00.004-04:00

As I sat and listened to a man struggle through talking about his experiences during Vietnam - what he saw, the nightmares that have lasted for more than 40 years, and the changes those experiences made in his life and marriage - I was reminded something a friend said recently: People are hurting. And we need to reach them where they're hurting, minister to them, care for them, and touch their lives in a healing way. And tonight I was reminded. By a man who is strong. A man who's committed to the Lord and his family. A man who continues to live and give. A man who continues to hurt because of trauma and devestation he saw over 40 years ago. People are hurting.

They hurt because of past or present abuse - physical, sexual, and/or emotional. They hurt because of abandonment. They hurt because of lies and deceit. They hurt because of traumatic experiences - accidents, fires, floods, tornadoes. They hurt because of others' selfishness. People hurt.

Taking a panoramic view of people and their pain can be overwhelming. But if we look at one person at a time and minister to their hurt, we will be able to make a difference. If we call them when they're going through a rough time. Send a card. Bring a meal. Clean a house. Watch children. Pray. Give. Encourage. Share. Love. It all makes a difference.

We miss these opportunities every day, just as we miss the opportunity to be thankful for the small things God gives us every day, but if we take the time, become intentional, we will impact lives.

When did someone love you? Share with you? Encourage you? Give to you? Pray for you? How were you impacted? Such small things, but big in life. The things that matter the most. The things that make life here on this fallen, sinful, ungrateful world better.

So, I'm grateful for the reminder. Of war. Of damage. Of carnage. Of pain. Because then I'm reminded of love. Of grace. Of healing. Of peace. Of God. He gifts us with everything we need to get through anything we may face and often that is each other.

People are hurting, which makes me ask: What can I do to help?

Giving Your Best

2011-08-17T14:25:00.000-04:00

In my last post, I talked about my renewed dedication to give God my best. The post ended with the question, "Am I giving God my best?"

If I'm truthful in answering that, I'd say "Yes, sometimes." There are times I am on fire and productive and disciplined and keep up with things. There are other times I look at what needs to be done and know that it'll be there for me to do tomorrow. I focus on the luxaries others have and wish I had them. I shut down and shut off everything except what has to be done and what I feel like doing at that moment. And I'm learning that I waste a lot of time.

I'll repeat something else I said. Breaks are not bad. Downtime is not bad. But it can easily get out of balance and become priority. Am I working for my next break? How am I usuing my break? How long of a break do I take? Am I getting done everything I believe I'm called to do?

These questions, and probably a few more I'm just not thinking of right now, go into evaluating how we see our time, and especially our down time.

We tend to see our time as just that: our time. However, each second we have is a gift. We did not create ourselves. We did not bring ourselves into being. While there are many things we can do to be healthy and live longer, we cannot ultimately prevent our death at any given moment. That means each moment is a gift.

This concept was gracefully explained in a recent talk I was blessed to sit in on. The speaker was Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts, and a few things she said still reverberate through my head weeks later. One of them is this: We all have a Jew who gave His life so that we could have life. He paid our death penalty for us and therefore every breath we take is a gift. What would happen if we recognized each breath we intake as a gift?

Would we be as content to watch tv for hours a day? Would be crave surfing the net or checking out what's going on on Facebook? Would we growl at our children when they interrupt what we're doing? Would we be so concerned with how we look on the outside, spending much more time on what we wear and how our hair an make-up look than on growing in love and knowledge and wisdom of the Lord?

What would life look like?

Giving your best doesn't mean you don't ever do the above things, but you do them with care and make sure they don't become a priority over the better things. The best things. Sure, I'd love to kick back and veg, but God has called me to touch people's lives through writing and speaking the things He's working in me. When I've done that to my best for today, then I rest.

And if I haven't rested in Him today, that's where I should start. There is time...it's simply how we use it.

Changing Habits

2011-08-15T20:05:00.003-04:00

This is usually the time of day I crash and say to myself, "I've been a mom, hostess, entertainer, chef, laundress, and all-around picker-upper all day and I deserve a break!" Then I crash in the recliner and veg out in front of the tv. Even if nothing good's on. Even though I had on today's to-do list to get some writing done. Even though it's been a good, full, blessed day. And most people would say, "You deserve it! Take a break."

Now, if you know me at all, or have read my blog for a while, you know that I tout "Balance, Balance, and more Balance!" So, let me start off by saying that I don't think breaks are bad. On the contrary, I think breaks are good and often necessary. If we don't feed ourselves (even by shutting down once in a while), we'll wear out and be no good to anyone. In the last week, I read a three-book series by an author I've only recently been introduced to. And when I read, I don't catch a half hour here and there. I become compulsive and obsessive about it, usually finishing a novel in 24-36 hours (and that includes a full night's sleep!) It's like a mini-vacation to me. So I definitely believe in and take breaks.

Tonight when I finish a busy day and want to crash, I remember the things I've neglected during my "mini-vacation", such as my own writing. I want to get it done. It's been processing in my head. But, if I don't sit down and do it, it's not going to write itself.

So, I popped up my blog and created this post. Despite my eyes being tired and my brain desiring to shut down. Why? Because I'm a verbal believer in doing things that are best, even if you don't feel like it.

Notice I said "verbal" believer. It's very easy to say the right thing and tell someone else to do what's right instead of what is easier or you want to do more. It is more difficult to discipline yourself to do so.

I am disciplined in some ways, but in others I fall into a cultural, lazy, I-deserve-a-break attitude. This is why I'm still trying to lose that last 20 pounds from my last child, who is now 2. This is why I haven't finished more books and gotten the ones I have through the editing process and ready to send off. This is why my house isn't always straight and has piles of paperwork here and there. The truth is: I do have time to do all things things. But sometimes I choose to waste my time and fritter it away.

Fortunately, God keeps placing excellent Biblical teachers in my path who are willing to share the truth in a way that penetrates my heart and gets my thinker-juices flowing in a different way. His way. The best way. Not the okay way. Or the comfortable way. Or even the good way. But the best. That's what He gave in His Son, His best, and that's all He asks in return. For me to give my best in loving Him and others. As I look at my time and my habits, I'm lead to ask: Am I giving my best?

Balance, Balance, & More Balance!

2011-08-11T17:04:00.000-04:00

On my recent weekend getaway/womens/writers & speakers conference (i.e. She Speaks :) one of the new things I learned about was having a tagline for ministry. Since I'm primarily a writer and a speaker second, this wasn't something I was familiar with. The speaker talking about the tagline said, "Don't expect you'll come up with something that fits and you like today or even this weekend." But I did. I think.

I'm still sitting on it, but the more I think about it and the more I look at my ministry focus, the more I'm convinced I've nailed it. And it is:

Balanced Living for a Brilliant God.

That pretty much sums up my ministry and covers all topics I write/speak about. In attempting to live in a way that brings success, happiness and contentment, balance is necessary in every area.

When it comes to housework/chores and spending time with our families, balance is necessary. If we get out of wack in either area, we will either suffer from chaos in life or chaos in our relationships.

When it comes to taking care of ourselves, balance is necessary. If we completely neglect ourselves, we will not be healthy enough to take care of our families and other responsibilites. If we spend too much time and energy on ourselves, we will be self-centered and our world around us will collapse.

When it comes to relationships, balance is necessary. If we expect too much of another without giving anything in return, the relationship will self-destruct. If we give too much and the relationship isn't mutual (notice, however, that I didn't say equal), it will be unhealthy and damaging.

When it comes to parenting, balance is necessary. If we give our children love with no limits, they will be spoiled, self-seeking, and have a "the world owes me" attitude. If we give our children limits with no love, they will end up hurt, angry, and lacking the ability to enjoy relationships as a gift from God.

Even when it comes to our relationship to God, balance is necessary. He tells us to pray at all times about all things, which doesn't sound balanced, but if all we do is lock our selves away from the world to pray, we will not do the things God has purposed for us to do. Prayer is work within itself, and we can do it at all times in all occasions, but it is not the only work we are to do in obedience and accordance to our faith.

When we get out of balance, we feel it. Life is often a constant self-correcting when we get lopsided in one area or another. I spent most of yesterday reading a book (this is why I greatly restrict my fiction reading diet!) So today, I'm getting work done and spending time with the kids, before I pick up the next book in the series.

And while balance is good for us, to help us stay content, be successful in the tasks we're given, and have happiness along the way, the ultimate goal in everything is to bring glory to the Lord, who is brilliant in every way.

Book Review - Slave

2011-08-08T20:48:00.000-04:00

It's been a long time since I've done a book review. I enjoy being a part of BookSneeze, where they send you free Christian books to read and review. I thrive on words - I enjoy reading them, writing, them, speaking them. It's my "thing."

So, this opportunity sounded wonderful to me. And it's been great. My budget for books is nill and this opened doors beyond my public library. That is, until I got a book I couldn't give a four or five star rating.

I don't like giving things a bad review, especially when it's something that came with such high expectations. And, unfortunately, that is what happened with the book Slave by John MacArthur. It's been sitting by my bed since January waiting on me to finish it and/or review it. I guess that says something.

I had high expectations for Slave. I've listened to John MacArthur on Grace to You and been inpressed with his Biblical foundation. However, I did not find a lot of grace in the book Slave. There are a lot of important Biblical truths found in this book, but there's not a lot of balance. The history of slaves and the use of the word slave in scripture is good to know. Although the presentation of it in this book is repetitious. I wish I could have finished the book, maybe I would have found more balance, more grace, but since it's been sitting by my bed for seven months, now, I don't see that happening. Other biblical truths, such as God as our Lord and Master, and that we are either slaves to sin or slaves to righteousness, are given. But then I'd come across something distracting such as a commentary on contemporary Christian music being an example of the world infiltrating the church. I couldn't disagree more! God created music and the style of music doesn't determine who it glorifies (God or the world), but the words do. And so, with distracting sections such as this, I left the book unfinished and disappointed. I didn't receive the great teaching on our positions as bond-servants to God, voluntary slaves submitting ourselves to a holy, loving God because He knows best how to bless us for His glory. So, Slave gets three stars, only because of the important and relevant truths woven through a book I didn't find easy to read.

Fear of Letting Go

2011-08-08T08:15:00.001-04:00

I began my open journey of dicarding (after digging up and divulging) my fears in my last post. I continue that journey here with the admission that while my heart's desire is to radically abandon myself completely to God and His perfect plan for my life, the flesh in me clings tight. Like someone clinging to the side of a cliff not knowing the ledge is less than ten feet away, I cling to the idea that I have to work at things.

God recently dig a great work in me and gave me the freedom of knowing I don't have to work at everything - approval, acceptance, accolades.

Yet I still hold back. I don't want to completely let go. I know this because I do things like make my to do list without first praying about it. I pray for others, ask God to take control of my heart, but I don't go to Him with the details of my life. Why is that?

If I'm going to be completely open and honest, it's because I'm afraid of what I'll have to let go if I submit every detail of my life. What I eat. What I wear. What I write. What I watch on TV. What I listen to on the radio. How I spend every moment of every day. How I acknowledge Him with every breath I take.

Truly, I think this is a common fear - of both believers and unbelievers. We are afraid of what God will ask us to give up if we submit to Him. The things we like and enjoy. What we forget is that every second, every breath is a gift from Him and He willingly fills us up with more than we could ever imagine. If I give up certain things that bring me enjoyment, will He give what will bring me more joy? Of course He will, it just doesn't always look like what we would like it to look like.

So, I talk to myself, pause to pray one more time, and ask God to empty me of me and slowly pry each finger off the ledge, knowing He's waiting to catch me in His everlasting arms of love.

Fear of Abandonment

2011-08-05T16:59:00.002-04:00

It's quite funny what God will do when you open yourself up. I've never been a fearful person. It's not part of my nature and I wasn't taught to be fearful. I'm more one of those people who jump head first into things, figuring that everything will work out.

Lately, however, God has been showing me my deep, hidden fears. They are less tangible than fears of some tragedy, injury, or disaster.

The first fear revealed was the fear that my ministry (i.e. speaking, writing, and getting published) would grow faster than my family was ready for. I am confident that my initial book hasn't sold yet because, at least in part, my family has not been ready for it. With my youngest child barely two, how in the world would I have been traveling and doing events on a regular basis before now? Life is busy and crazy as it is. While I know that God is in control of every detail - down to when and if I get published and where, when, and if I have a speaking ministry - I have to get it to my heart. If I have even the slightest concern about what affect my ministry growing will have on my family, then I'm not trusting that God is in control and has my and my family's best interest at heart. He has plans for each of us and all those plans somehow work out perfectly for all of us.

That doesn't mean that I don't step into things carefully and prayerfully. On the contrary, I could very easily try to finagle and work my way to a "successful" ministry. Then I would be out of bounds of God's will and protection and be neglecting my call, which is to first minister to my family. But neither do I want to hold back when God is coaxing me forward. I want to be abandoned completely to His will. I simply have to tell my heart to give up all of its own wants and desires, other than the single desire to be radically abandoned to the one and only Lord of my life.

A Mom's Set Free

2011-08-01T06:24:00.001-04:00

Are ye so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh? Galatians 3:3

Last time I wrote, I was getting ready to go to what I knew would be a fantastic conference: She Speaks -a writers, speakers, and women’s ministry leaders conference. I’d been wanting to go to the conference for years and this year finally got the go ahead – from both God and my hubby.
Long before the time for the conference arrived, I got to know many (almost 300 were members) of the to-be attendees through the conference Facebook page. We shared anticipations, fears, prayer requests and an overall excitement about descending on Concord, NC all at the same time (with a total of 650 registered ladies and almost 100 staff and volunteers to run the conference!) There was no doubt in my mind that I would be blessed by my time there.
I was in no way, however, prepared for all that God would do. Throughout the weekend God blessed me with little gifts. A surprise roommate who was as warm, welcoming, and encouraging as I could ever ask for. Friends made, contacts received, networking going on, positive feedback from my publisher appointments (even if no closer to getting my nonfiction book published) and a fantastic speaker evaluation group experience. I was confident, prepared, and all around having a great time.

Then the Saturday worship session came along. We were blessed to have Ann Voskamp, the author of One Thousand Gifts, as the speaker. Her stories touched hearts, moved people, and made you think. Then something totally unexpected happened, something I was completely unprepared for. God used the words of Ann, along with my own words and scriptures I’d used in my speaker evaluation talks, to reach down deeper into my soul than I knew existed. He grabbed hold of hurts and false beliefs I thought I’d gotten rid of a long time ago, pulled them up to the surface, let me feel them, and then healed them. Yes, I was one of those snot-slinging, tear-wracked women in the prayer room. Sometimes that’s what happens when God reaches down deep and changes you.

One thing that I came out of that prayer room with was a sense that instead of knowing God’s truths (that I had myself quoted and talked about) only in my head, I now have them firmly planted in my heart. I also came away with knowing that while I’m a fairly transparent person, it’s only of those things on the surface, those things that don’t truly make me vulnerable.
But do I really want to show the real me, God? Isn’t it too ugly, too dark, too odd? No, He whispers. You are real and you who I made you and are becoming the person I desire you to be.
So as I take a deep breath, I vow to give up everything to God. Even my short-comings. My pride. My belief that I have to do everything perfectly. My belief that I have to earn love. My belief that without working at it, I deserve nothing, not even God’s love. My willingness to only allow the surface stuff to show.

I am grateful for all the little gifts God gave me, but am blown away by the biggest gift of all: freedom. Freedom from the bondage of my own false beliefs and the idea that I at least have to attempt to do everything perfectly. Freedom to truly trust in and rely on God. That He’s in control and I simply have to submit. Freedom to let these truths travel from my head to my heart and let God do the work in me that I know is yet to be done. Freedom to live – in Him, through Him, and for Him.

Today I’m grateful for: the sound of sealing jars, healing from yesterday’s migraine, today’s journey to my first mission trip, God’s word at my fingertips – and everything listed above!

A Mom's Crazy Life

2011-07-19T09:00:00.003-04:00

Okay, so Wow! It's really been almost a month since I've been on here. I knew it had been a while, but didn't realize it had been quite that long. July was packed long before it got here, but goodness, couldn't I have taken a few minutes to check in?

Then I review everything that I've been doing. We'll start with parenting four beautiful children under 9. Then we'll go to gardening, taking care of the home, and trying to catch a few minutes with hubby here and there. Those are the regular things. Oh, and writing!

Then we add in everything else, family in town for July 4 weekend, going to Northern Virginia with the kids for a week and visiting friends (we had a whirlwind trip, staying in 3 different houses in 5 nights!) and preparing for the fabulous She Speaks Conference, which starts in 3 days.

I had no idea how much preparation there would be. But I'm the crazy person who's doing a split track and so has to prepare two speeches for evaluation (done!) and get my book proposal ready (haven't looked at it in almost 2 years and am doing some revisions, over half-way there!) There is also finding "business casual clothes" that I as a stay-at-home mommy doesn't have (thanks to my good friend and mom, I'm all set!), getting my business cards ready, doing a one-sheet (which my faithful friend's son who is a design-stuff-on-the-computer-genius helped me with), and printing off directions and coordinating with my travelling partner. And, just for grins and giggles, I had 8 kids at my house yesterday and am squeezing in a cut and color tomorrow (which another fabulous friend is doing for FREE in exchange for me rolling her hair for a perm.)

So, life is busy. And God has blessed me throughout. He's continuing to teach me to prioritize, make sure I spend time with Him so that I don't lose focus (or my sanity), and to pray for those who are hurting around me.

I'll ask your forgiveness for not being more consistent in meeting you here, but you probably understand. Sometimes, we live day-by-day and minute-by-minute and are so busy enjoying the wonderful gifts God has given us (especially the gift of His peace amidst the craziness swirling around us) that we don't check in.

And that's not always a bad thing.

But I do hope to check in more often and be able to share all the wonderful things God is teaching me through this process. The first of which, as is obvious in this post, is the blessing of godly, caring, generous family and friends!

Top 10 Challenges of Homeschooling

2011-06-29T14:34:00.000-04:00

A while back I did a post on the Top 10 Benefits of Homeschooling. Now that we've been done with school for a few weeks, I can look back and talk about the top 10 challenges. As I said before, I love homeschooling! Just because we feel called to do it and it's a good fit for our family, doesn't mean that it doesn't come with its own challenges. This list isn't meant to discourage anyone from homeschooling, but to be realistic and balanced in what it looks like.

1 - Finding time to yourself. Yes, your children are always at home! But a little creativity and some exchanging with other homeschooling moms and you can find a few moments to breath.

2 - Getting past fears of being indadequate. Time and time again I hear moms say they don't think they're capable. "But what do you do when they get to high school? I wasn't good at that stuff when I had to learn it." There are endless resources and helps to homeschooling moms today, and if God's called you to homeschool, he will equip you!

3 - Fitting it all in. Homeschooling is time consuming, there's no question. So you teach, cook, grade tests, clean, do laundry, check work, and run errands. When you homeschool you learn to let some things go, and remember, your children are there with you. Teach them to help with chores and delegate, delegate, delegate!

4 - Normalizing being educated at home. When all their friends go off to school, homeschooled children sometimes wistfully desire to go with them, envisioning a non-stop playdate. Getting together with other homeschooled children, through participating in co-ops, play groups, and field trips, helps make it normal. Talking with them about what a public school day looks like may also help.

5 - Lack of support. Many friends and family don't understand homeschooling or take it personally that the school their children is in 'isn't good enough' for your children (even though that's not how you feel.) They will question, sometimes make blatant statements against homeschooling, and 'test' your kids. Equip yourself, be confident, and know that not everyone will understand or agree with you and that is okay. Answer them with kindness and keep on doing the right thing for your family. And you can forward them videos like this!

6 - 10 - I'm sure there are some more drawbacks to homeschooling, but I can't come up with them. These are the main ones I've come in contact with or seen with other homeschooling families. As with any challenge, there's always a way to meet it.

Patience

2011-06-27T14:11:00.003-04:00

Patience is something I always thought I had before I had children. I could be patient at work, I could be patient sitting though dozens of not-overly-exciting college classes, I could even be patient in traffic.

But until someone is putting their own personal demands on you 24/7 (i.e. Motherhood), I don't think you can have a complete concept of patience. And once you become a mother, you suddenly understand why all those other mothers you've looked down on for all those years sometimes lost it with their children in the grocery store.

Don't get me wrong, I still cringe when I hear a mom in public berating her child or yelling at him. But I myself must admit, I've raised my voice a time or two.

What I often find, however, is that when I lose my patience, it typically has to do with what I'm doing, not what my children are doing.

Here's what I mean: Have you ever noticed that you don't mind that person meandering down the road when you have plenty of time, but when you're running late all of a sudden that person is being inconsiderate and in your way? The same goes with our children sometimes.

If my child wants me to pick them up or read to them and I'm not in the middle of some task (which hardly ever happens) I freely say "sure" and hang with them for a while. But when I'm fixing dinner, or working on a book, or folding laundry, I find little patience with their requests. Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?

I try to stay aware of staying balanced. Sometimes it's best to stop what I'm doing for a few minutes and spend that time. Especially since a mother's work is never done, and when she takes a break it would be nice if it were uninterrupted. But, my children need me to not only keep them in clean clothes and fix them food, but they also need me. My touch, my voice, my ear.

But balance also means not always giving in to them either. If I gave into every request with the utmost patience, I would never be able to teach them to be patient. Or considerate. Or selfless. Not to say that patience is a bad thing, but how we use it is important. Quite often, patience is needed in greater quantities when I tell my children "no." Then it's my job to stay patient while they ask questions, fuss, or complain. This is usually when we're tempted to lose our patience and yell or give in. But it's my job to back up my words with actions. If I said no, it's not going to happen. If I requested something be done, it will be done or there will be a consequence.

They may also get a consequence if they question or fuss too much (an innate tactic all children automatically know.) As long as I stick to my word and do so calmly, though, I've won the battle. And I've taken one more step on the road to a land called Patience.

Moms for Moms

2011-06-24T07:50:00.000-04:00

It seems that everywhere you turn these days you hear about mean girls. Movies, news show segments, magazine articles, and specials abound talking about mean girls and bullying between girls...and grown women. People analyze and speculate what makes some girls mean and try to make recommendations on how those the meanness is aimed at are to best handle it. If you are exposed to enough media, you might believe there aren't hardly any nice girls out there, looking for genuine friendships and willing to love and support.

I've been a big advocate of girlfriendships for a long time and believe they're an important part of life, especially during motherhood. Mothers can feel awfully isolated in our culture. Fear of judgement from other moms or past negative experiences can keep them from reaching out when they're discouraged or doubt themselves. But it is important to find friends who walk along side you on this journey of motherhood.

I'm very fortunate to have a group of women that I love and trust and can care my soul to. Some are women I get to hang out with once in a while and others are my confidants. But each of them are "nice" girls.

Recently, I've been enfolded into a whole new group of nice girls. I'm blessed to be going to the She Speaks Conference this year, a wonderful conference put on by the great gals at Proverbs 31 Ministries for writers, speakers, and leaders. Since registering, I've been drawn in through emails, websites, blogs, and a FaceBook group. It warms my heart and lifts my spirit to see women from all over the country who've never met each other lifting each other up in prayer and encouragement. These women embody the words: "since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." (1 John 4:11)

There are loving, supportive women out there who can be mentors, friends, and confidants. Don't settle for anything less! Eliminate (as much as possible) relationships with toxic people and cultivate those that are healthy. Then gather your girlfriends around a cup of coffee or ministry work and get bolstered up for all the work motherhood throws your way!

Fiction Preview Part 4 & Final

2011-06-22T08:59:00.000-04:00

This is the second half of chapter two. Sad to say, it's all I'm going to give out for now. (I hope it makes you sad!) Hopefully one day in the not-to-distant future I'll obtain a contract for this book and will have the whole thing out there!

Dana pulled into the field where a couple of dozen cars were parked. She still fumed. Brooke had talked the whole ride, trying to distract her. Dana was grateful for the company of her best friend. Otherwise, she’d go crazy tonight.
She used to like these parties. Everyone who was anyone would be there. She could hear the noise of people she used to consider her friends laughing and talking and getting drunk as she slammed the car door. She thought about getting back in the car, but one look at Brooke convinced her to stay.
Brooke’d had a crush on Max forever and he’d broken up with his girlfriend last week. Dana didn’t really have anywhere else to be, and the least she could do was let Brooke have her chance. At least one of them would have a good night.
The night went on like every other party Dana had ever gone to. The guys drank too much and acted stupid. The girls drank too much and threw themselves on the closest guy, the ones that weren’t attached anyway. Everybody knew everybody and who was dating who and who was willing to hook up.
Dana spotted Max, surrounded by some of his football buddies. She new Brooke had seen him too, as she stopped short and caught her breath.
“I’m fine,” Dana said. “Go ahead.”
“You sure?” Brooke asked, arching one eyebrow.
“I’m sure.” Dana gazed around the crowd. “I’ll find somebody to talk to.”
“You’re the best friend ever,” Brooke said as she squeezed Dana into a hug and then sprinted off.
Dana spotted Crystal and Kara on the other side of the fire. They weren’t too bad. She knew they wouldn’t be drunk. They were both nice, not catty like most of the other girls. They were cheerleaders, like her. Like she was, she corrected. Cheerleading and dating a bull rider didn’t go well together at Western Plain High School. She could still try out, but why bother?
“Dana!” Kara called out to her, waving. Dana waved back, forced a smile and strolled over. Maybe they’d feel sorry for her.
“Crystal, Kara. What’s up?”
Crystal rolled her eyes and took a sip from the red cup in her hand. She looked flawless, perfect skin, long, blond hair. Her jeans must be a size zero and the turquoise top she had on made her eyes even bluer. If she weren’t so nice, Dana would hate her.
“The usual,” she answered.
“Yeah,” Kara said. “I don’t know why we even bother.”
“Because there’s nothing else to do.” Crystal sipped from her cup again. Her eyes roamed around the field.
Kara looked at Dana. “What are you doing here? You never come out to these things anymore.” She brushed back her short brunette hair with one hand, using the other to move the clip that was supposed to be keeping it out of her face. She always wore a clip, but her hair always slipped out and encroached on her face. Dana had noticed a tiny scar by her hair line one time and wondered if that’s why she only half attempted to keep it pulled back.
Kara was pretty. She wasn’t stunning like Crystal, but she got asked out plenty. She usually said no, but in a gentle, thoughtful way. Of course, that didn’t stop the other girls from talking trash about her and the boys from calling her a tease behind her back. Dana knew the score though, the girls were jealous and the guys were ticked that Kara wouldn’t go out with them. She had heard a rumor about Kara dating one of the football players before she’d moved here, but not much else. Thinking about it, she couldn’t remember one date Kara had been on since Dana had met her.
Kara gave her the, ‘I asked you a question’ look. The door of the ambulance closing came to her mind. She did her best to not get peeved again at Bo’s complete lack of paying any attention to her. “Jeremy got hurt.”
“No!”
“What happened?”
Dana swallowed her hurt feelings and decided that she’d have to get over herself and remember that Bo’s brother was probably getting ready for surgery right then.
“The bull slammed his leg against the gate as he was coming out. That mad him off balance and he fell off. The bull came down on his other leg.”
“Oh, how awful!”
“Is he okay?”
Dana hooked her thumbs in her front belt loops. “I guess. They said they couldn’t tell how badly his left leg was damaged. They took him to the E.R. and were going to have to do some x-rays and other tests to know for sure. Most likely, he’ll have to have surgery.”
“Oh,” Kara said, leaning towards Dana, enraptured by the story. “That means no more riding.”
“Not for a long time, anyway. Like I said, they didn’t know anything for sure, but said he’d be off his leg for months.”
“Poor Jeremy,” Kara said. She looked out into the darkness and readjusted the clip in her hair again. “He’ll be crushed. And he’s been through so much already.”
Dana glared at Kara. What did she know? The only reason Dana knew about Stacy’s pregnancy was because of loose-lipped Aunt Flora.
Did Kara know something? Dana remembered that her friend had always seemed to hold interest in Jeremy. She’d always been more friendly to him than other guys, but Jeremy had dated Stacy forever. An image of Kara and Jeremy talking by his car in the school parking lot after the last bell a couple weeks back flashed in her mind.
Dana coughed. “Yeah.” Was there something was going on between Kara and Jeremy?
As Dana formulated a casual way to ask Kara, Crystal spoke up. “I can’t believe that happened. Jeremy’s been riding forever! From what I hear, he’s a perfectionist and is the bomb on the back of a bull.”
“Well,” Dana began, then hesitated. She hated to gossip. But was it really gossip? The facts were that Stacy’d shown up. But, she didn’t know for sure that Stacy being there had distracted Jeremy. Maybe he didn’t even see her.
But Crystal had a point. Jeremy had never messed up before. At least, not that Dana had ever seen. And of course it would have torn him up if he’d seen Stacy. And how could he not? She’d traipsed all around the arena with Stu, as cocky as a peacock.
“Well, what?” Crystal demanded.
Dana lowered her voice a notch and said, “Stacy was there.”

Fiction Preview Part 3

2011-06-20T08:57:00.000-04:00

Chapter 2 part 1 (BTW, the book's title is: Riding the Wind)

Jeremy finally got his hand unwrapped and attempted to leap off the bull. The clowns were close by, waiting to direct the bull away from the rider as soon as he hit the ground. There was nothing they could do, though. When Jeremy loosed himself, he fell straight to the ground, instead of jumping off clear like he should have. The bull bucked twice before the clowns coerced him away and out of the arena.
Jeremy lay on the ground. He turned his head to the side and groaned. Bo stared in horror. As soon as the gate closed behind the bull, he raced in with a couple of the other bull-riders. The medical team, coming from another gate, arrived at Jeremy’s side at the same time.
The medical technicians seemed to be everywhere. They asked Jeremy his name and where he was. He answered, groaning and writhing in the process. Jeremy groaned and reached down towards his right leg. When he did, it drew Bo’s gaze away from the gash on his right leg. His breath caught in his throat. So much blood. Bo sensed the crowd gathering around his brother. He knew they were they, but no one spoke a word.
This was not like racing. No one liked to see an accident. Bull-riders weren’t encased and protected. They went flesh to flesh up against animals weighing over a ton, and the animal always won.
Bo looked into his brother’s eyes, identical to his own hazel eyes, as he leaned on the ground. He gripped Jeremy’s free hand. “You’re gonna be all right, Bro. They’ll take good care of you.”
He didn’t let go as they put Jeremy on a gurney and carted him out of the arena. He knew his first concern should be for Jeremy and finding his parents and Dana, but he couldn’t get Stacy out of his head. She had broken his brother’s heart, and now she’d broken his body. She needed to pay for it. And he would make sure she did.
*
Dana stood watching in horror as Jeremy was tossed around on and then under the bull he’d been tagged to ride. Not having any brothers or sisters of her own, she had adopted Jeremy as her big brother. He and Bo were close in age and close to each other and they were always together. He treated her like a little sister, teasing her and protecting her. He had even gotten into a fight with Bo once over what he said was Bo being disrespectful.
A small amount of relief washed over her when she saw Jeremy move. It even seemed that he might be talking to those close around him, although she couldn’t be sure from her vantage point. She could tell that he’d been hurt badly, though. He held one of his legs as the medical technicians hoisted him on a stretcher and carried him out of the arena. Bo stuck to his side.
She allowed a smirk to creep on her face. Her man. He must be so worried. Her smirk dipped down as her eyebrows creased. He knew the dangers of bull-riding and had seen many friends get hurt. She couldn’t imagine what he was going through.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jeremy and Bo’s parents making their way down the bleachers. Those around them called out.
“It doesn’t look that bad.”
“He’ll be okay.”
“We’re praying.”
Brooke didn’t think the Singers heard a word. Her own mind spun, slowing down her bodies reaction. She shook off the daze, grabbed her purse and Brooke’s hand, and began to descend the steps. There’s no way she’d be left behind. Besides, Bo would need her.
Focused on the Singers, Brooke raced down the bleachers and headed to the back area where she rarely ventured.
Oh, let him be okay.
Dana and Brooke rushed into the tent beside the ambulance that was always present in case something happened. Two guys crouched over Jeremy. Mrs. Singer wailed as she anxiously looked over the shoulder of one of the guys. She wrung her hands.
Mr. Singer stood beside her, resting a hand on her back. Dana’s eyes darted around and landed on Bo. He stood by Jeremy’s head and gripped his hand. She glanced at Jeremy, who lay with his eyes closed. His whole face was white and he had his lips pulled tight. A soft moan escaped and he shifted his body weight uncomfortably.
Dana’s eyes traveled down to see how bad his legs were injured, but couldn’t see anything through the technician and Mrs. Singer. She looked back at Bo and took a step towards him. He didn’t acknowledge her touch when she reached out for his free arm. Her anxious gaze met Brooke’s as her foot tapped nervously.
It seemed like an eternity before the two guys that she assumed were medical technicians finally pulled their attention from Jeremy. One looked like he wasn’t much older than Dana, maybe twenty. He had black hair, stood a foot taller than Brooke, and looked like he should be a football player. The other was shorter, maybe five-eight, and had short , sandy hair. He was rail thin and wore glasses. He looked older, more like her parents age.
“How…is…he?” Mrs. Singer asked anxiously, sobbing. “Is he…going to be…okay?”
“Ma’am,” the older one said.
Mrs. Singer calmed, sniffled and looked at the man with wide, teary eyes.
“The right leg was gashed by a screw on the gate. He’s going to need stitches.” He scrunched up his nose and paused before he continued. He sighed, as if he dreaded what he had to say next. “The right leg’s the real problem. The bull’s hoof came down on it after he fell. We’re sure the bones are broken, possibly crushed.” He hesitated again, scrunching his nose even more and adjusting his glasses. He sighed again, then continued. “We’ve seen only a few injuries like this before. There’s muscle damage in addition to the broken bones. We won’t know the extent of the damage until we get him to the hospital and run some tests. Most likely,” he adjusted his glasses again and looked at the ground, “he’ll have to have surgery and will be off his leg for at least six months.”
Mrs. Singer fell back against her much smaller husband and wailed. Mr. Singer’s right foot stepped back to brace himself as he wrapped his arms around his wife.
Tears pushed their way into Dana’s eyes. The thought of Jeremy off his feet for that long was unbelievable. No walking. No driving. No bull-riding.
Jeremy groaned and turned his head away. Bo leaned over and whispered, “Don’t you listen to them. You’ll be fine.”
Dana’s heart sped up. He was such a good guy. And such a good brother. She loved those things about him. Looking at him, concerned about his brother, encouraging him, she felt the all-to-familiar butterflies perk up and start flying around in her stomach. She also felt the fire of desire ignite. It was crazy, but all she wanted to do at this moment wrap her arms around his neck and dive into a thirty minute kiss.
What a cad! How can I stand here thinking about making out with Bo while his brother lays on a stretcher there in excruciating pain, facing surgery and a complete life change?
She mentally kicked herself as the medical technicians moved Jeremy into the back of an ambulance.
“I’ll ride with him, Mom,” Bo said.
“Do-“ Dana began. She stopped as her words were cut off by the slamming of the ambulance doors. He hadn’t given her a second to speak. He hadn’t even looked at her. Acknowledged that she was there. The flames of desire she’d felt for him moments before turned into an angry, raging fire. Regardless of what was going on, the least he could do was pay her an ounce of attention. Tell her to meet him at the hospital. Or that he’d call her later. Or a simple thanks for being there.
But no, he’d not so much as glanced her way. Dana fumed. Brooke must have sensed the change because she squeezed her hand. Dana glanced at Brooke, then let her gaze fall on Bo’s parents. She watched her crumpled face and his stoic one as the ambulance pulled away. Once it drove out of sight, Mr. Singer pushed his weepy wife towards the parking lot. Dana put her arm on Mrs. Singers’.
“I’ll meet you at the hospital, Mrs. Singer.”
“Oh, no, dear,” Mr. Singer said. “You girls go on and enjoy yourselves. It’s going to be a long night and there’s no telling how long it will take.”
“Oh, I…” Dana flounded. She never did know how to talk to Bo’s father. He was quiet and hardly ever said a word. “Really. We want to be there. It doesn’t matter if we’re up late.”
Mr. Singer gave her one of those looks adults give you that says they think you’re about five years old. “Bo will call you tomorrow, Dana. The family needs to be together right now.”
Dana wanted to argue with the man. She wanted to yell at him that he had no right to keep her away from her boyfriend. She wanted to tell him off and show up at the hospital anyway.
But that wouldn’t do her any good. Mr. Singer was Bo’s dad and she didn’t want to get on his bad side. She wasn’t sure what he could do if she made him mad, but from what Bo had told her, he could be awfully stubborn. She didn’t want to take her chances on him keeping her from seeing Bo.
Besides, she was mad at Bo. How dare he complete ignore her?
Fine! I’m not going where I’m not wanted. Dana turned on her heel and stomped off to her car, Brooke following behind. She tossed her purse in the back seat, huffed into the driver’s seat, and waited for the passenger door to close. She turned the engine on and then turned it back off.
“Dana?” Brooke asked. “Are you okay?”
Dana glared out of the windshield. “Fine,” she spit.
Brooke waited. Dana glanced at her and rolled her eyes. “I’m fine.”
Brooke looked at her, one eyebrow raised.
“Okay, I’m ticked. I can’t believe he didn’t even talk to me!”
Brooke’s eyebrow lifted a little more.
Dana let out a scream and laid her head on the steering wheel. “Fine! I know. His brother was hurt. Great. But does that mean I’m chopped liver?”
“Dana,” Brooke said gently.
“Oh, all right. Whatever.” She looked at her watch. Only seven-thirty. Now what? She didn’t want to go home. An empty house would be unbearable.
“What’re you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” Dana’s head pressed into the steering wheel. She rocked it back and forth.
“Max’s having a party. Why don’t we go?”
Dana didn’t feel like going to a party. She didn’t feel like going home either. She wanted to be with Bo, but that wasn’t going to happen. “Fine,” she said. “We can go.”

Fiction Preview Part 2

2011-06-17T09:05:00.000-04:00

Second half of chapter 1

Bo looked into Dana’s eyes. Man, she was beautiful. Her blond hair flowed down her back and over her shoulders. He loved that blond hair. He loved to run his fingers through it and hold a handful of it. He loved those full, pink, soft lips. He loved kissing them. Oh, and that red tank top. He definitely loved that. He dared not focus on it, though. She had this thing. Before each ride, when things were getting geared up, they looked at each other across the arena. She never had trouble finding him, and her thin, beautiful body, gorgeous face were hard to miss. Especially since she always sat in the same section with his mama, who’d been sitting in the same place since she came to the rodeos to watch his dad ride.
He wondered again how in the world he landed her. She was gorgeous. Way out of his league. He thought about the day they met as she held his gaze across the arena.
One the last day of school last year, she’d parked her cute little red car next to his beat up blue pickup. He’d known who she was since the day she’d first stepped into his school five months before. Everyone knew Brooke Ackerman, the new girl from Virginia.
He’d seen her standing beside her car talking to one of the other cheerleaders as he walked across the parking lot. His mouth went dry, which he knew had nothing to do with the blazing sun and eighty percent humidity. No way would he ever have the courage to talk to her. He could ride a bull. But he couldn’t find two words to say to this goddess.
The other girl left as he approached and he held his breath as he waited for her to slip into her car and drive away. But, she stood by her driver’s side door smiling and staring him down with her piercing green eyes.
He couldn’t see those green eyes now, but he knew them by heart. He’d looked into them that day, all sparkling and chipper as she introduced herself, and he’d looked into them every chance he got since then.
He shifted in his saddle, but held her gaze. He didn’t mind. As long as she didn’t expect him to blow a kiss or do some silly sign to tell her he loved her. That stuff made him want to gag.
As he shifted, another blond caught his eye. His teeth clinched involuntarily. She wouldn’t. His eyes narrowed as this blond, with short, wavy hair, came into focus. It was her. How could she show up here? That –
The announcer called up the first rider. Bo had drawn the fifth spot, which meant he had to get ready. He forced his thoughts back to the huge wild animal he would spend eight seconds taming. At seventeen he had already built himself a good reputation in the local riding circuit, and he wasn’t going to jeopardize that for anything.
Bo sat on the huge animal, encased in a box that didn’t allow him to move much. At least the bull he’d drawn wasn’t known for being wild. Not that any bull made it easy to stay in position for the time needed to earn a score, but he knew he wouldn’t face his most difficult challenge today. He double and triple checked everything. Everything that was supposed to be tied, was. Everything that was supposed to be loose, was. He gripped the rope at the bull’s neck. He held on to the side of the shoot to steady himself with his other hand. In a few seconds, the gate would open and every muscle in his body would be concentrating on not getting thrown to the ground.
He listened for the familiar sounds leading up to the release and watched with a keen eye. The slightest disturbance of his concentration could mean injury or disaster. He’d been doing this too long to make a stupid mistake.
A buzzer sounded. The gate swung open. The bull darted out. Bo’s one hand held on as his body rocked up and down and side to side. There was no format or rhythm to it, but he matched each move the bull made with his own. It tried to fling him off this way and that, but he would not be beat. Five more seconds.
His body jerked side to side, frontwards, and back. He controlled every muscle. Every movement. Every action. He reacted to each movement the bull made and held on. Two more seconds.
He allowed only the slightest bit of his attention to leave from his task at hand. He would ride this bull, but he also needed to hear that buzzer. Eight seconds were as long as he needed to stay on, and not a bit longer.
There it was. The sound every bull rider lived for. Eight seconds. A successful ride. Bo loosened his grip and skillfully leapt off and away from the erratic animal. Two clowns worked their magic to entice the bull away from Bo and towards the exit gate. He pumped his fist in the air, knowing his score would be good. Only now did he feel and hear his heart racing. Adrenaline coursed through his veins. What a ride. What a rush.
He returned to behind the walls of safety to wait on his score and watch the rest of the riders. Some of them slapped him on the back. They were all competing, but they were also family. Most people didn’t understand bull-riding. Those who did were bound together by the love of the sport and everything that came with it.
Bo accepted every handshake and congratulations when they announced his score, landing him in first place. His heart thudded in his chest. Five riders down. But, with twelve riders to go, he hadn’t won anything yet.
His brother Jeremy was one of those twelve and would give Bo a run for his money. Jeremy had been the one who’d taught Bo most of what he knew about bull-riding. He almost always outscored Bo. He used to, anyway. Before this stuff with Stacy.
He could spit nails at the thought of that girl and what she’d done to his brother. He hoped Jeremy hadn’t seen her. He glanced at Jeremy and knew. He had. Bo recognized the tight jaw and lowered hat.
Bo watched Jeremy as he began to get ready for his own ride. He had to say something. But what? Don’t worry about her, man. There are plenty more chicks out there. No. That wouldn’t do any good. Nothing would change what had happened.
He walked over and said the only thing he could. “Hang on tight, man.”
Jeremy looked at him and nodded, then turned back to the bull he sat atop of. The wild animal snorted and knocked against the box. Jeremy probably shouldn’t be on that bull, but if someone tried to tell his brother not to ride, he’d let ‘em have it for sure. Jeremy had lost enough. He wouldn’t know what to do without riding.
The buzzer sounded and the gate opened. The bull lurched out of the gate sideways. Immediately Bo knew something was wrong. Jeremy leaned to the side. He tried to unwrap his hand, but he couldn’t get it loose. The bull flung Jeremy’s body left and right.
Bile rose in Bo’s throat as he watched his older brother and best friend being tossed about like a piece of meat.

Fiction Preview

2011-06-15T09:04:00.001-04:00

Chapter 1
Dana stepped out of her car, closed her eyes, and inhaled. She inhaled the smells of hay, manure, hot dogs, popcorn, flowery perfumes and brut colognes. She heard intermingling sounds of country music blaring on the loud speakers, old rodeo veterans swapping the same old stories, kids running around playing, and animal brays and snorts. Each smell and sound was distinct, but they also melded together to make up the essence of the rodeo. Her heart sped up.
She looped her fingers through the belt straps on her Wranglers. A year ago, she didn’t know what Wranglers were. And she never would have been caught dead in a pair of boots. Well, not these kind of boots. Not Justin. Not ones bought at the same store that sold bright, multi-colored cowboy shirts and horse riding accessories. Not ones that shouted, “I’m country and proud of it!” No. The thought had not crossed her mind at that time.
She bit her lower lip. So much had changed in the last year. She hadn’t lived in Texas then. And she hadn’t been dating a bull rider.
A door closed. Her eyes popped open and she glanced over the car’s roof. Her best friend Brooke’s dark eyes met her gaze.
“You gonna stand there all day, or what?”
Dana returned Brooke’s smile, flinging her long, blond hair back over her shoulder. Her friend’s accent was pure Texas twang. “No, no. I’m going.”
Dana walked to the front of the car, matching Brooke’s gait as they headed towards the arena entrance. They ignored the usual whistles and “hey, baby”s as they traipsed across the field .
Once inside the gate, Dana set about finding her boyfriend Bo’s parents. She scanned the crowd on the bleachers. His mother’s heavy set frame topped with puffy bleached-blond hair and lively cackle stood out like a polar bear in the Amazon.
Dana spotted her on the right side about halfway up the bleachers. I should have known. Does she ever sit anywhere else?
She didn’t. She’d once told Dana she wanted to make sure her boys knew exactly where to find her when they looked up from the pens.
Mrs. Singer turned, her bleached-blond hair bobbing as she talked, arms flailing, to the lady behind her. Probably another wild on-the-road story.
Bo’s mom worked as a short distance truck driver, which amazed Dana, and always came home with some story about some truck driver who was having an affair in Oklahoma, or got caught with something illegal, or fell in love with and married a waitress at a truck stop. The tales were endless and only partially believable. Mrs. Singer didn’t lie, but she elaborated a lot for effect.
Dana waved to Mr. Singer, who sat quietly beside his boisterous wife. He worked in a factory where noise prevented much talking and was used to being quiet at work and at home. He waved back and motioned to the seats they’d saved. Dana tipped her hand to let him know that they were going to get drinks first. He smiled and she turned to look down the arena.
Before she took a step, she spotted the stalls where they lined up the bulls drawn for the next run. The tingling started in her stomach and radiated down to her toes and up and out to her fingertips. He’d be there. Somewhere among all the other bull-riders. There he talked, laughed, and prepared. Her eyes scanned the area around the stalls, but she didn’t see him. Her face fell.
After they’d gone to concession, Dana’s held a cold soda as she and Brooke climbed the bleachers and joined Bo’s parents. Mrs. Singer lifted a hand to Dana, but never stopped talking. Mr. Singer had become engrossed in a conversation with a man seated below him.
Brooke tugged on Dana’s arm and whispered, “Did you see Stacy Athens?”
“No.” Dana’s eyes darted around. “Is she really here?”
“She is. She walked by earlier, when you were looking for Bo’s parents.” “And?” Dana lifted her right eyebrow.
“And nothing. She was with Stu Wells. And she looks the same as ever. Well, except that she hung onto Stu’s arm and every word he said instead of Jeremy’s.”
Dana shook her head. What was up with that girl? She had dated Bo’s older brother Jeremy for two years. They had been inseparable. Everyone thought they’d get married right after graduation. But then something happened. Dana knew more than most people, having been around the Singer’s house, and that meant Brooke did, too.
Three months ago an obscure aunt at a family dinner had let it slip that the Singer’s were going to be grandparents. It was the first time Dana had ever seen Mrs. Singer speechless. Bo’s mom pursed her lips, narrowed her eyes and glared at the big-mouthed aunt. Nothing else had been said about it. Since Dana knew it wasn’t her, she assumed that Stacy had gotten pregnant.
Two weeks after the dinner slipup, Jeremy and Stacy broke up. Rumors flew around school. Dana never said anything and Stacy never gained any weight. She had her suspicions about what happened, but couldn’t let herself think about it. Now Stacy had shown up at the rodeo where Jeremy would be riding on the arm of another guy. Knowing Jeremy, that would burn him up. She sure hoped he didn’t see her before he rode.
The announcer’s voice boomed over the loudspeakers, announcing the transition from horse-riding to bull-riding. Dana clapped her hands together and scanned the area where the bull-riders were once again, this time having the vantage point of being up higher. She knew she’d find him because he’d be waiting for her. Searching for her. He always did. This was their time. Their moment.
She found him and they locked eyes. His tall frame stood at just over six feet. His dark, sandy blond hair had mad highlights that most girls would kill for. That beautiful hair now sat mostly hidden under his black cowboy hat. He wore a green and blue shirt and, she knew, a pair of dark Wranglers and black boots with spurs and steel toes. She knew, even of what she couldn’t see, he was all muscle and beautiful everywhere.
She stood there looking into his green eyes and the rest of the world disappeared. She didn’t move. He didn’t move. For that moment, nothing else mattered and nothing needed to be said. They were completely each others. And that’s all she needed to know. Then his eyes shifted off to the right and his jaw tightened.

Baking Adventures

2011-06-08T08:19:00.006-04:00

So, my baking and healthy food adventures continue. The banana bread turned out fantastic! All the kids like it but my pickiest. I'm having a hard time staying away from it, and so will be delivering the leftovers to my in-laws today.

The pizza turned out good, too.

The dough was a little dense for my liking, but the kids ate it up! I'll try letting the dough rise longer than the recommended 30 minutes, and possibly look at other recipes for fluffier dough.

Then (the cooking adventures continue), I fixed eggplant parmesan for the first time (Betty Crocker cookbook again.) The kids tried it under protest, but I was told "it wasn't horrible." Not a bad first response to kids who don't like to try new things. Hubby asked for a second helping, which was definitely a good sign. He's always very honest about how my new recipes turn out - and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Not sure we'll be doing any baking today, but it's hubby's birthday and since we're going out to eat tonight, I might try rolls tomorrow.

Home Made Food Adventures

2011-06-07T08:18:00.002-04:00

Today's home-made food adventures include:

Banana bread (using Betty Crocker Cookbook recipe) It took 5 minutes to put together and is cooking as I work on other things.

And... Home-made pizza crust! I have some leftover spaghetti sauce (also made from scratch - 1 lb hamburger, 3 cans tomato sauce, 1 can tomato paste, Oregano, Thyme, Basil, Parsley, Marjoram, and garlic to taste, with a few tablespoons of sugar). My kids love homemade pizza the days following spaghetti. We usually use whatever bread we have around the house, but as I continue to try to make better and better food choices, we're making our own pizza crust today!

Here's the link to the recipe. Will let you know how it all goes!

Top 10 Benefits of Homeschooling

2011-05-19T06:15:00.002-04:00

Homeschooling comes with its own challenges and is not for every family or every child. We absolutely LOVE homeschooling and it is a good fit for our family. We work through the challenges and reap the benefits of innumerable rewards. I recently came up with a list of the top 10 (that I could think of), in no particular order, benefits of homeschooling. If I've left something off (which I know I have) comment and add it to the list!

~ Parent/Teacher conferences are always convenient and generally go well

~ You get to pick the who, where, and when of field trips

~ Flexibility, flexibility, flexibility

~ Your children become closer to each other, building frienships that will last a lifetime

~ You get to learn along with them, making up for all those things you've forgotten

~ You can tailor the classroom and instruction to fit each child's learning style

~ Days off when Daddy's home

~ Unlimited amounts of quality time

~ You're in charge of what they learn: curriculum, life skills, character, etc.

~ Taking vacations during the "off" season!

You Can Bake!

2011-05-16T09:27:00.002-04:00

I didn't grow up with a mom who baked. She did lots of other things: chauffered us to events and activities, taught us to cross stitch, read with us, helped us to learn to be responsible around the house. But, she didn't bake.

My mother-in-law did. Constantly. She baked a pound cake every week and rolls, cobblers, and pies in between. I think one of the hardest adjustments my husband has had in marrying me has been that I didn't bake.

Notice, I said didn't. Now, I do. Or, better, am learning.

Several years ago I began doing research on being healthier. Many of the things I learned brought me to seek out eliminating certain things in my family's diet that have no positive benefit (high fructose corn syrup/corn sugar, partially hydrogenated oils, msg, artificial splenda, etc.) While I will be the first to admit that these items have not been eliminated completely, we've made lots of changes.

One of the biggest is me making things from scratch. As I began to read ingredient labels, I was shocked at how many items had one or more of the above ingredients.

At first I started small, making waffles and pancakes using great recipes from www.foodnetwork.com. When I saw how simple it was (instead of using something like Bisquick, all I had to do was add flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt together before adding my liquid ingredients) I was sold. So simple! And, without all the added, unnecessary ingredients.

I'm still working on the transition, lately baking cakes and cupcakes from scratch. How helpful the internet is in my quest for yummy and easy homemade alternatives!

Just this morning, I fixed cinnamon muffins from a recipe found here. My kids loved it! And, it didn't take me more than 5 minutes to mix it up.

So, even if you're super limited on time (what mom isn't?), don't sell yourself or your family's health short. You, too, can bake!!!

P.S. My next new recipe I'll try is here.

Abundant Life Conference for Women

2011-05-11T11:05:00.001-04:00

Registration is open!!

The brochure is inserted below as images, but the quality isn't what I'd prefer. Want a clean copy? Email me.

And register soon! Space is limited.

Abundant Life Conference for Women

2011-05-11T11:04:00.002-04:00

Easy & Delicious Chicken Recipe

2011-05-10T06:07:00.003-04:00

I fixed this recipe for a friend with a new baby recently and absolutely fell in love with it. Even the broth that is creates is scrumptious! It was so good, it's what's for dinner tonight for us and my in-laws. So, if I can serve it to my mother-in-law, you know it's good!

I've altered the original recipe some, but it didn't lose a thing.

Sunrise Chicken
2 lb chicken - breast, thighs, tenders (whatever you have)
1 T oil (I use Olive)
salt
fresh ground pepper
2 t ginger
1 c orange juice
1/2 c dry white wine
1 t lemon juice
1/2 t dijon mustard
1 t maple syrup
1/2 t thyme
1 can (15 oz) sweet potatoes, drained
1/3 c slivered almonds (I didn't have these the 1st time)

Heat oil in large skillet over moderate heat. Season chicken with salt and pepper and cook in hot oil until light brown on both sides. Mix ginger, orange juice, wine, lemon juice, mustard, maple syrup, and thyme in small bowl. Add to chicken and stir. Add sweet potatoes. Simmer for 10 minutes. Remove from heat and add almonds.

Serve with rice and veggies on the side. Enjoy~!

Mother's Day card for Granny

2011-05-08T07:59:00.002-04:00

Last Minute Mother's Day Cards

2011-05-07T21:10:00.001-04:00

I quit spending $3-$5 a card years ago. I have a great program to do cards at home: Scrapbook Factory Deluxe, and almost always use homemade cards. And, now I'm sharing them with you. These are two mother's day cards that I designed, based on ideas from here and here. Use them, copy them, print them! Just a little mommy love from me to you!

See below.

Last Minute Mother's Day Cards

2011-05-07T21:01:00.003-04:00

Mommy Time Out

2011-04-27T06:39:00.002-04:00

Time out is a new concept (in the grand scheme of parenting) that we use with our children. The idea behind it is to isolate children from fun and make them do the one thing most of them can't stand: be still and alone.

While some will argue for time out and others will argue against it, I see it as a useful tool, especially for children who can't stand to miss out on something. Why is it effective? Mainly, I think, because our children are constantly engaged, entertained, and enticed. There is always something to hold their attention or keep them busy.

So, even though it can work, should time out be used only for punishment? Shouldn't our children have the blessing of down time? Time to be creative. Time to spend with themselves and be okay with that. Time to explore their world on their terms. This sounds wonderful! And I work diligently to create this environment. (Yes, I'm one of those moms who limits tv/computer to 1-2 hours a day and occasionally call a no-media day.)

What about us? We moms always have something going on. If we're not running our children somewhere, taking care of their needs, educating them, catching up on the computer, managing family life and budget, there's a ton of other things calling our attention.

So, when's our time out?

Yesterday, mine was at about 12:30 p.m. I was getting grumpy and needed a time out. And, I explained that to my kids (after I'd had a short break and improved my mood.)

God declared a day of rest for a reason. WE NEED IT! And while I haven't quite figured out how to have a full day consistently each week of rest, I try to remember to rest regularly.

Rest, not sleep. Rest, not a vegetable state in front of the television. But actual rest. Sitting and doing nothing for at least a half hour.

And this is hard! Especially when we're surrounded by endless tasks. But, if we as moms don't recharge, don't take at least a little break, we won't have as much to give to our children.

While the little people in my life and yours may not understand this tangibly, the will get it. This is evidenced by what my eight-year-old said to me yesterday.

Me: "Thank you for letting Mommy rest. I was getting grumpy and needed a time out."

Her: "So you can be a good example?"

"Yes." I smile. "So I can be a good example."

Doubting Mom

2011-04-21T15:03:00.002-04:00

Do you ever doubt yourself as a mom? Do you question the choices you make? Wonder if there isn't more that you could do? That you should do? If so, you're not alone.

The name of my blog suggests that I might have all the answers to perfect motherhood. That no matter the question, there is a straight-forward, black and white answer. And while there is a lot that I know about parenting - I've studied it, read dozens of books about it, taught it, and experienced eight intense years of it - there is still a world of things I don't know. I could give you the textbook answer and best advice in what to do or where to go for the best solution for a lot of problems that come up, but one thing I've learned is that mothering takes on a whole new element when you're in the throes of it and your emotions get all tangled up in it.

Some days I'm tired and don't feel like disciplining right away.

Some days I want to work on my stuff and let the kids play and make a mess all day.

Some days I feed them pizza and french fries and no fruit or veggies.

Some days I totally and completely doubt my ability as a mom.

I had such a day earlier this week as I flaked out and felt I couldn't do a thing more without laying down and recharching. A nap? In the middle of the day? Seriously, what kind of mom am I?

Well, okay, a nap isn't so unusual in my life. I get up early to beat the crowd (i.e. the kids) and stay up late to spend time with hubby. But on this particular day, for some unknown reason, my exhaustion caused me to question myself as a mom. Was laying down and letting them have the run of the house for an hour the best thing for my kids?

Maybe. Because I felt a lot better afterwards. The house was locked up and anything unsafe also stays on lock-down. And my eight-year-old will definitely come and get me if anyone's up to mischief. Oh, and by the way, my rest was interrupted several times as I was crawled on, snuggled with, and asked questions.

So, while I'm not sure about myself and my ability to raise these four precious gifts called children into God-fearing, people-loving, balanced adults, I have come to the conclusion that taking an hour off once in a while does not define me as a mom.

My overall dedication to raising my children to the best of my ability (and constantly working on improving my knowledge and dedication) defines me a mom.

When God Says "No"

2011-03-23T11:38:00.003-04:00

Do you ever wish that you could have every wish that you had? I think our tendency is to want what we want and focus on that and only that. At least, I know mine is. Even in fantasy books/stories the need to limit wishes is recognized. Even when a genie or good wishing fairy is present, the receipient of the wishes only gets three. Boy, if I only had three wishes to make in life, what would they be?

Big question. But, I don't have to come up with an answer. That's because my God is bigger than that and He loves me enough not to limit what I can ask Him for or what He's willing to give me. But, He's also wise enough not to give me everything that I wish or want.

Such is the case in relation to my recent post about the She Speaks Conference scholarship. I knew from the beginning that if I didn't get one, there would be a reason. And one of those reasons was that someone else deserved it more. I read the winning entries (okay, I browsed them), and it was true. They wholly and completely deserved to win.

I also knew that if God didn't provide the means that way, He would another way. Lysa TerKeurst even said so in her winning post entry. That to give all entrants a scholarship, no matter how much she wanted to or thought more entrants deserved it, would be to rob them of other blessings. And how true that is!

I didn't get the scholarship, but did register. I am looking forward to this conference almost as much as my own conference, Abundant Life Conference for Women November 2011. The workshops look so good, I had a hard time picking my favorite in a couple time slots.

So now, I'm registered. And the blessings have already started. My two biggest encourages have gone all in to help me attend this conference. Just the sentiment is worth me not getting the scholarship.

So, did God say "no" because I don't deserve it, someone else deserves it more, He wants to bless me in other ways, or He knows how to work everything out for the utmost good of both me and others and bring the greatest glory to Himself?

I'll take the last three. My experience tells me that whenever God tells me "no" it's for my own good and often what I get instead is better.

So, just like when we say "no" to our children to protect them or hold out for something better, when God says "no" there is always a greater purpose.

Weary Moms

2011-03-15T13:50:00.001-04:00

Do you ever get weary? Check out Moms for God for my latest post on dealing with weariness.

Amazing Conference Opportunity

2011-03-11T07:39:00.004-05:00

Have you heard of the She Speaks Conference? I became aware of it several years ago, after a good friend clued me in on the Proverbs 31 Ministry. This ministry focuses on guiding, supporting, educating, encouraging, and uplifting women to live radical lives for Jesus. They provide this through blog posts, magazines, radio spots, and an annual conference. This conference most intrigued me because of the focus for writers. I thought, "A Christian writers conference for women? WOW!" That suits me to a T. But, it's not just for writers. It's also for speakers and women's ministry leaders - of which I am/have been all three!

I began making plans to go about five years ago, looking towards the conference the following year. Then God surprisingly blessed me with my third child. That counted that year out. The following year, once my sweet baby had turned one and quit nursing, I was working part-time and planned a getaway with hubby, which we hadn't had in six years and three children. That knocked out She Speaks for that year. So, I started planning for the following year. Then, my all-knowing, amazing God blessed me with getting pregnant with sweet baby number four. No She Speaks conference for me once again, but for a wonderful reason.

But, I hang on to hope that one day, in God's perfect timing, I would get to go. Now, with my last precious gift getting ready to turn two, and full confidence that God has completed our family, I am led to to finally attend the She Speaks Conference in 2011! However, living as a family of six on one income limits my ability to confidently pay for the conference. I asked for help to pay for the conference my only Birthday request, but just found out that they are offering a couple of scholarships. Oh, how my heart soared at the thought! I know God will make a way for me to go if He means for me to go. Could this be the way? We'll see.

Is your heart calling you to check it out? Go to the conference website by clicking here. Whether you are or have ever thought about Writing, Speaking, or Leading other women, this conference could bless your life more than you ever could have imagined possible in 48 hours time. In need of a scholarship yourself? Click here to find out how you can apply. Maybe I'll see you there!

Should you Reward your Children? II

2011-03-03T14:51:00.000-05:00

I ended the last post with this question: If God rewards us, why would we ever withhold rewards from our children?

When we have an appropriate perspective on rewarding and motivating our children and what the proper rewards and incentives are, we allow ourselves to abundantly bless our children and ourselves, as we see them grow through positive interactions. There are many ways to reward our children and many different types of incentives available to motivate children. I think about my children when they were infants. As they learned to smile, to sit up, to crawl, to walk, I was there every step of the way cheering them on. A smile, a little clapping, and a big “yah!” was all they needed to encourage them to keep doing what they were doing and/or try a little harder to make that next step. Cheering our children on is a great way to motivate them. Children generally really do want to please their parents. Cheering for our children can come in many forms and will depend on your personality, your child’s personality, and the situation. Hugs, “way to go,” “I’m proud of you,” and “great job!” are all examples of ways to praise our children. It’s about encouraging them along when they’re getting it right and trying their best.

Time with our children and special treats are additional ways to reward them. We can take them on a special outing for good behavior or completed tasks over a period of time. We can let them choose a movie for the family to watch. We can let them pick what restaurant we’re going to eat at. We can buy them a small treat, or even have monetary rewards. It is all based on what works for your family and what motivates your child.

See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse – the blessing if you obey the commands of the LORD your God that I am giving you today; Deuteronomy 11:26-27

With rewarding children, a few more things are important to keep in mind. First, you want to keep rewards relational-heavy. That means that the non-material rewards are not the primary method of reward and incentive and shouldn’t ever become the main focus. Second, rewards should not turn into bribes for expected behavior. If we promise our children a material reward every time we expect something out of them it will be much more difficult for them to internalize their motivation. There if a fine line between rewards and bribes. The main difference is that rewards are laid out ahead of time and eventually decrease in necessity. Bribes, on the other hand, usually are promised in heat of the moment, desperate situations and the child’s requirement of them for obedience increases over time. I think specifically about the reward system for potty training. We used several different methods for our children, but the dancing and singing and “I’m proud of you” always came first. The material rewards were small (3 M&M’s, computer time, eventually a train car) and over time were eliminated. That is how rewards should work. Of course, you will always be adding rewards to teach new skills and behaviors as they grow, but those rewards should remain mostly intangible and a child’s internal motivation should be increasing as they mature.

Lastly, we, as moms, should keep in mind that perfection is never the goal for our children. We should have high expectations for our children, but should recognize that they are human (just like us) and will fail at times (just like us.) We should “expect the best of [our] kids in all situations. Encourage them to shoot for excellence but not perfectionism.” (9) We must make sure that are children don’t feel pressured to be perfect – because they will never reach perfection and will feel like failures if that’s the goal. Instead we need to focus on what our children are doing right and encourage them to strive for better and their best. Then their motivation will increase and they will take pride in doing their best in every situation.

Should you Reward your Children? I

2011-03-01T14:46:00.000-05:00

Rewards, incentives, and positive given to children for motivation for children to make good choices is not just okay, it is an important part of effective parenting. There is a lot of debate these days about using incentives and rewards in parenting. Some believe that children should do what they are asked to do and should do because it’s the right thing to do. They believe that rewards for good behavior or completing tasks provide outward motivation, which is not the goal. We’ve already discussed that we want our children to mature and develop internal motivation. This is true for making right choices, as well as for things like working hard. However, as I discussed previously, our job as parents is to provide outside motivation until our children become internally motivated. If we take a step back and look at our children in a little different light, it may help us in understanding clearly what rewards, incentives, and bonuses are and why they are important.

First, it’s important to look at the nature of our children. There are different perspectives on human nature. One theory believes that people are inherently good and are corrupted by circumstances. One believes that children are blank slates and develop according to their environment. Another believes that people are inherently evil (sinful) and need to be trained to be good. A Biblical perspective tells us that we are born with a natural inclination to sin, a result of the fall in Eden, have a unique personality that effects how we interact with our environment, and are effected by our circumstances. In essence, this means that children do not naturally lean toward righteousness, need outward motivation to do what is right, and interact with how they are parented according to their God-given personality.

Second, it’s important to recognize that God models rewards and incentives for right behavior. As we discussed in the beginning of the chapter, we talked about the importance of obedience and how God rewards obedience and punishes disobedience. The Israelite nation is given rewards in prosperity and peace when they obey God and worship Him. We are promised the reward of the fruit of the Spirit as we seek God, love, worship, and obey Him. In the parable of the talents Jesus compares the kingdom of heaven to a man who rewards his servants with added responsibility and shared happiness.

“His master replied ‘Well done good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!” Matthew 25:23

Paul tells us in Romans that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him.” (8:28a)

John tells us that “God’s love is truly made complete” in us when we obey God’s Word, of which being filled and complete in God through Christ is the ultimate reward. (1 John 2:5)

Looking at God’s Word not only tells us that rewarding obedience is not only an essential part of parenting, but also what those rewards should focus on. There are times that God rewards us materially. He does want us to prosper in the sense that we have everything we need materially and often even more than just what we need. But He most definitely does not want our material rewards to become our focus or motivation for righteous behavior. God is much more concerned with the state of our heart and His Word talks much more about a prosperity of spirit. God rewards us with healing of body and spirit, peace, forgiveness, reconciliation, joy, strength, endurance, self-control, spiritual gifts, and, of course, eternal life. This list could go on and on. It only takes a small amount of time in scripture to recognize the rewards God gives us “pressed down, shaken together and running over.”(Luke 6:38)

If God rewards us, why would we ever withhold rewards from our children?

Guiding and Conduction II

2011-02-26T14:43:00.000-05:00

We also need to guide our children in how to deal with challenging and frustrating situations Instead of whining and complaining while standing in line at the grocery store (or asking for every piece of candy on the shelf), try counting the number of other people waiting, or make up a story about what the food does at night when the store’s closed, or review school work, or practice scripture. Instead of hitting someone when they make a child mad, teach them to hit a pillow, or do jumping jacks, or go spend a few minutes alone to calm down. Instead of throwing something when frustrated with a task, teach them to write about their frustration, or jump on a trampoline, or talk about it. There are countless ways to handle difficult situations and express feelings. The goal is to teach appropriate behaviors that will be healthy and effective in handling difficult situations.

He who walks with the wise grows wise. Proverbs 13:20a

I must add, as a personal caveat, it is important that our children experience difficult situations and disappointments. As moms we generally tend to protect our children. After all, that is a large part of our job. However, if we want what’s truly best for our children, we must, must, let them deal with tough situations and decisions. We can, and should, model appropriate behaviors, talk with them about the situations, and guide them through them. But we should also let them struggle and figure things out a little. The only way our children are going to be equipped to hand hard times and choices (which they will face on their own eventually) is if they have practice working through come under our guidance. As painful as it is for a mom to watch her child struggle, it is the only way they will become stronger. We, of course, need to rely on God’s guidance and the instinct He’s given us as moms in deciding when to let them struggle and how much. As with everything there should be balance. We don’t want to leave them to struggle on their own with something they are totally unprepared and mal-equipped to handle. Our goal is to empower our children in small things so that they will be competent to handle the larger things as they come along.

Guiding includes giving a child words to use as well as showing them how to do things and handle things. Just as we desire to communicate effectively with our children, we want to teach them to effectively communicate with us and others. We can guide them in the proper (and pleasant) ways to say things in the same way that we guide them in physical tasks. It’s not “Give me milk.” It’s “Mommy, may I please have some milk.” It’s not “No, I won’t do it.” It’s “I’d rather not.” It’s not “Eww, Yuck.” It’s “I’d prefer not to eat peas.” It’s not “Sammy’s mean.” It’s “Sammy hurt my feelings by snatching my toy.”

Children often get frustrated, angry, violent, and have difficulty with others because they don’t have the tools to handle difficult situations or communicate in beneficial ways. Many of these things our children need our guidance in seem small, and will most likely have to be repeated many times, but put together they enable a child to feel self-confident and have healthy relationships. Like teachable moments to model and talk about appropriate behaviors, opportunities to guide children in replacing negative behaviors and words with positive ones are in great abundance. Each time a child gets frustrated when something’s not working the way they want it to is an opportunity to talk them through the problem calmly and showing them how to try it a different way. Each time a child gets angry is an opportunity to talk them through using their words to express themselves and resolve conflicts. Each time a child gets violent is an opportunity to express that violence isn’t appropriate and to talk through other ways of handling themselves. Each time a child is learning a new task is an opportunity to work along side them.

“By empowering children to accomplish tasks, you can teach them to work and to love work. You can help them develop skills and qualities of character that will benefit them in whatever they do throughout their lives. You can build your relationship with them as you work side by side. You can reinforce their desire and ability to accomplish something meaningful. You can help them learn to contribute to the family and prepare them to better contribute to the world.” Merrill

Guiding, like modeling and verbalizing, is something that becomes natural with practice. And your children will give you lots of opportunities to practice. Although each child is different in how they learn and how fast they learn, none of them learn everything the first time. Repetition is the key to instilling the behaviors you wish to see. And those moments when your child does exactly what you’ve been working so hard to teach them will come – and oh how worth the hard work it will all be!

Guiding and Conduction I

2011-02-24T14:40:00.000-05:00

The next step in teaching our children is acting as a conductor. Just as a conductor guides an orchestra who has been taught through modeling and verbally teaching, we too are to guide our children. Guiding is showing our children how to do something by working along side with them. Children learn a lot by seeing and hearing, but even more by doing. It’s kind of like teaching a child to ride a bike. They see other people doing it, we explain how to do it, and we put them on the bike and hang on while they work at getting it. We’re right there beside them the whole way.

We should also work and walk along side them as we teach them things like respect, responsibility, integrity, patience, and faith in addition to teaching them things like the value of hard work, taking care of material possessions, and everyday tasks.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my research for this chapter is the importance of working along side of my children. I’m a fairly independent person (yes, despite my knowing the importance of living interdependently) and work hard at raising my children to be self-sufficient. As I read Merrill, the following statement really caught my attention and has changed how I interact with my children when I’m having them complete their chores. Merrill states that children “are generally far more motivated when their parents work with them rather than expecting them to work alone.” And if our children’s motivation isn’t enough, he further adds that as we “labor side by side with a child, (we) have a nearly unparalleled opportunity to model, mentor, listen to, express love for, and relate to that child in meaningful ways.” I don’t know about you, but I most certainly want to take advantage of those opportunities. I’m learning by working hard my children may respect me, but by working along side them they learn that I respect them, and that motivates them to work with me, obey me, and maintain a relationship with me.

It’s easy as moms to get distracted by the responsibilities that we have and forget this step in the process of teaching our children things. However, if we make the decision to intentionally guide them through things, we can accomplish more ourselves in addition to more effectively instill values and teach our children specific tasks. We should guide our children in chores, learning, relationships, spiritual growth, and fun activities. Telling children not to argue lets them know that arguing is unacceptable, but it doesn’t tell them how to handle conflicts. Telling a child to be patient lets them know that patience is valued and expected, but it doesn’t tell them how to wait patiently. Telling a child to clean their room may feel overwhelming unless their shown how to do it and worked with to do it. Telling a child to do their prayers or read their Bible gives values to these spiritual disciplines, but doesn’t let them know how. For a negative behavior to be stopped effectively, it must be replaced with positive behaviors. For positive behaviors to increase and be valued, we need to walk them through the process of those behaviors.

Communicating

2011-02-22T14:38:00.000-05:00

Before you get too overwhelmed with the responsibility of representing God to your children, let me move to the second tool in parenting. This tool is chatter. Chatter means keeping the lines of communication open with our children. We are to talk with them about everything, at any time, any place. We are to talk with them when things are going right. We are to talk with them when things are going wrong. We are to talk with them about casual, every day topics. We are to talk with them about deep, intense, difficult topics. We are to talk to them at home, over homework, over a meal, in the car, on the phone, and in their rooms. Notice I said talk with them. Healthy communication is always goes two ways (at least.) And healthy relationships are only built using the building block of healthy communication.

Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 11:19

I observed the importance of communication in relationships between parents and children first as a family counselor. Over and over I was seeing the phenomena of good people who somehow as parents were producing disrespectful, rude, children who didn’t exhibit the values the parents obviously believed in. Some of these parents had fallen short in their ability (or willingness) to discipline their children. But others had consistently set and maintained appropriate boundaries. As I continued to observe these families it became clear that these parents weren’t effectively communicating with their child.

Oh, many of them thought that they were communicating. They were very good at verbalizing their beliefs, values, and rules. As a matter of fact, some of them had it down so well that their child didn’t hear them anymore. What they were doing was talking to their child, not with their child. It was almost like they got stuck in a mode of parenting when their child couldn’t communicate very well and needed constant supervision and reminders.

When children are very young (toddlers, preschoolers) information needs to be repeated. Parents often feel like broken records. During this phase of parenting we need to repeat rules again and again because of the developmental capabilities of a child to understand and remember them from day to day (and sometimes minute to minute.) Just because we have to talk to our children a lot more when they are little doesn’t mean that we can’t also talk with them. Young children notice everything and ask questions about everything. Don’t let yourself get tired of the seemingly-never-ending line of questioning. Instead see them as golden opportunities. Our children naturally create the perfect set up for building mutual communication with us. As we answer their questions we are not only teaching them about us and the world around them, we are also taking advantage of an opportunity to get to know more about our children. Even children who are very young are able (and very willing) to share their opinions and desires with us. We open the lines of communication as we ask them questions and listen to their answers and listen to their questions and provide respectful/relevant answers. When we talk to or lecture our children we are trying to get them to understand us (whether it’s a toddler or a teenager), but that’s not what true communication is all about. As we learn to communicate with our child, we are stacking essential, foundational blocks to our relationship with them.

I really can’t say enough about the importance of healthy, effective communication between parents and children. Again God is the Ultimate Parent. He has communicated with His children in a variety of ways from the beginning of human time. He has walked with us, whispered in our ears, roared through the thunder, called us through the prophets, expressed His love through His Son, given us the written Word, and invited us to dialogue with Him through prayer. In know how to communicate with our children, we can always look to and ask Him for guidance. Just as God communicates with us in many ways, we too can communicate with our children in many ways and for many different purposes. Our opportunities to communicate - in a variety of ways - are endless.

When a child asks about traffic and expresses impatience, it’s a golden opportunity to talk about patience. To tell them that patience isn’t waiting, but how we wait. And since we can’t make the traffic move, let’s do something fun like sing songs. When they comment on how busy you are with chores, it’s the perfect opportunity to talk about every one pitching in to help and having a positive attitude while getting the not-so-fun things done. When a child asks about that person at the store that wasn’t very nice, it’s a wonderful time to talk about being kind to people regardless of how they act, and that we never know what’s going on with someone to make them behave in an unkind manner. When a family member dies, it’s a perfect opportunity to talk to about eternity and God’s gift of forgiveness offered through His Son. When a child is scared, it’s a perfect opportunity to talk through their fears and pray with them about their fear. When a child tries really hard, it’s an ideal time to encourage them and praise their efforts. Teachable moments are almost limitless once mommy’s radar is tuned into them.

You're a Model for you Children

2011-02-19T14:36:00.000-05:00

As we instruct our children through discipline the importance of obedience, there are five main tools that we have as parents. First, our children are copy cats, and they mimic everything we do and say. Even though it may become less noticeable as they become teens, they still integrate what they see at home into who they are. Therefore we should model appropriate behavior and a right heart.

I remember from very early on my children beginning to mimic behavior. From waving bye-bye as a baby to trying to steal Daddy’s kisses to wanting to drive the car and playing house, my children have been a mirror for me. Sometimes what they said or did was just the cutest thing ever. At other times what they said or did brought something to my attention that I needed to change or improve on. For me it has been a great motivator to continue to grow and make positive changes in my actions and speech.

Often, however, parents will either correct the child, taking on the “do as I say and not as I do” mentality. This mentality is dangerous because it causes a child to see his/her parent as a hypocrite and decreased the child’s respect for the parent. Sometimes parents just choose to ignore the behavior in their child so that they can continue to ignore the behavior in themselves. This mentality most certainly doesn’t work to raise a child who is respectful of authority – the parent’s, others’, or God’s.

Modeling appropriate behavior shows a child how to do something. When mom gets caught in traffic and decides to use the time to converse with her child or sing some new songs, she teaches her child to be patient in circumstances out of their control. When mom gets hurt and verbalizes her pain without using obscene language, she teaches her child to express him/herself in difficult situations using appropriate words. When someone is rude or mean to mom and she responds with kindness, she teaches her child that we are to treat others as we wish to be treated, not as they treat us. When mom goes about her chores cheerfully, or at least not grumpily, she teaches her child that she can choose to be in a good mood even when she’s doing something she doesn’t like to do. When mom talks to dad with respectful tones and words, she teaches her child to respect both of her parents. When mom keeps a commitment even though she’d rather be doing something else, she teaches her child responsibility. There are countless opportunities we moms have to model appropriate behavior for our children.

If I haven’t convinced you yet of the importance of modeling a right heart and right actions for your children, let me take it to the next level. As we model a right heart and right actions for our children we are also helping them to form a right view of God. How our children see us is how they will see God. If they see us as harsh, critical, and demanding, that is how they will view God. If they see us as loving, forgiving, and just, that is how they will see God. The responsibility we have as parents really comes into focus and the importance of how we conduct ourselves with our children and in life becomes awesomely clear when we realize the effect we have on our children’s relationship with God.

The Importance of Obedience

2011-02-18T14:32:00.000-05:00

With everything said about discipline having the goal of instructing our children, I must say that I have become convinced that the most important principle that we should instruct them in is obedience – in actions and attitudes.

“If we are going to raise a generation of faithful children to live righteous lives, they must begin by learning to obey their parents.” John MacArthur

One thing that gets said a lot in our house is, “Are you being obedient or disobedient?” As I’ve grown as a parent and a child of God I have come to understand that obedience is key. Experience has taught me that obedience brings rewards and disobedience costs dearly. Throughout the Bible God is constantly instructing His children to be obedient, rewards those who are, and punishes those who aren’t. Some may see this as unfair or unloving, but a clear understanding of God’s law gives us a clear understanding of His requirement for obedience. His law (rules, covenant,) is for our benefit. If we obey His law we can avoid the negative consequences of sin. It doesn’t take long to see that breaking God’s law (specifically the Ten Commandments) hurts relationships, either with God, with others, with ourselves, or all of the above. His law is to protect us and guide us to the rewards of healthy relationships.

As I read through the Bible with my children I get a snapshot look at the main stories and clearly see the theme of positive consequences for obedience and negative consequences for disobedience. We, like God, should love our children too much to let them continue down the wrong paths. God has put us in a position of authority over our children not so that we can rule over them but so that we can shepherd them. As their shepherd, we guide them, help them understand themselves as wonderfully and miraculously made by God, and plant a love of God and His Word in their hearts. Obedience is not something, however, we can command or punish them into. When children obey out of fear, it is only outward. It’s when obedience is rooted in love and trust that right actions come from right motives and with a right heart. Just as our willing obedience to God is a result of a loving relationship with Him, our children should willingly obey us as a result of a loving relationship with us.

Obedience needs to be taught in a loving environment. We do this by lovingly correcting them through allowing natural consequences when appropriate and enforcing logical consequences when natural consequences would be extremely harmful.

Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right…Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1, 4

I make it clear to my children that I expect them to obey me, even in the little things, and I explain to them that the reason it’s important to obey because it’s Mommy and Daddy’s job to keep them safe. They must obey in the little things because it makes obedience a habit. If I let my child get away with little instances of disobedience at home, then he’s not likely to listen to me out in public when I want him to hold my hand or stop on command before running out in a parking lot. Letting children know that we expect them to obey because we love them and have their best interest at heart is a part of not exasperating them. Another part of that is how we conduct ourselves when we create boundaries and handle situations when they disobey. In everything we do and in everything we say, our love for them should be conveyed – by our tone, by the expression on our face, and by the words we choose to use.

Instructive Discipline

2011-02-17T14:30:00.000-05:00

In order to properly discipline our children, we must have a proper understanding of discipline. When people think about discipline they generally think about correcting or punishing children for wrong behavior. They think about spankings and time-outs and revoking of privileges. However, discipline involves much, much more than correction. It involves discipling our children’s hearts and teaching them everything they need to know for life. Discipline is as much about teaching right behaviors as it is eliminating negative behaviors. In all of our actions as parents we should come from a frame of reference of what is in the child’s best interest. The goals of discipline are to direct a child to make good decisions, develop right thinking, and integrate right motives into their heart. As parents we teach them these skills through words and actions and create boundaries around them as they develop these skills themselves. We provide the outside motivation for making good choices until the child develops internal motivation to make good decisions – which comes in steps and requires love, diligence, and growing with our child.

As I said in the beginning of this chapter, I often fall short in disciplining my children in the right way with the right heart. There are days I’m extremely tired and have a shorter temper. There are times I get upset because one of my children interrupted my schedule. There are times I discipline in anger because I’ve been defied or ignored. But just as our children grow and develop as we correct them and teach them to do right in mind, heart, and body, so also will God work in us. If we let Him lead us and guide us as we lead and guide our children, we will grow as parents. As I seek God to give me the strength, knowledge and wisdom I need to parent my children in the way they need me to, I see myself becoming more patient, longer-tempered, and less selfish. My parenting decisions become less about me and more (truly) about them. I am learning to love them with an agape love, which is always in their best interest, even (and especially) when it’s not the easy way to go.

Your Parenting Partner

2011-02-15T14:28:00.000-05:00

In the rest of the posts on parenting you will find the core principles of parenting. But please remember that you and God are partners in this parenting deal. He did not give you your children and then abandon you and wish you the best of luck. He is right in it with you.

Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4-5

We have a great responsibility as parents, but as we meet that responsibility we can rely on, trust in, and lean on God to both help us and work in our children’s hearts. Our job is to seek God’s will for our children and rely on His guidance and strength to follow through on the day-to-day duties of being a mom.

God is the Ultimate Parent and has clearly laid out the principles of parenting through Scripture. The first principle is loving discipline. It’s important that we recognize that everything we do is working towards training our children in love. This includes discipline. God always disciplines us as his children because He loves us and has our best interest at heart and we are to do the same for our children.

For the LORD corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights. Psalm 3:12

Parenting with Purpose

2011-02-12T14:13:00.000-05:00

Many parents, however, do not keep these things (the who, what, when, where, why, and how) in mind as they parent their children. Parenting is often done in a fly by the seat of your pants kind of way. Issues are addressed the moment they arise. There’s no main goal or purpose in parenting and there’s no forethought and planning. Parents often seem to be just trying to survive the current stage and make it until their children get old enough to move out. Children in these families are often not disciplined or not disciplined correctly and parents end up feeling burdened and overwhelmed. Parenting is not supposed to be a burden, however. It is supposed to be a joy. That’s not to say that parenting is or should be easy. Quite the contrary, parenting is hard work. But, as with any gift that’s truly worth something, children come with the responsibility to take care of them. It is up to us to embrace parenting with a joyful heart and enjoy the journey of ups and downs.

There are many parenting philosophies out there to help parents be effective in their job, but most of them focus on developing well-behaved children. The focus is on external behavior and on molding independent, self-sufficient, contributing members of society. Although not bad goals, the true “challenge of every Christian parent is to bring up children who love God with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength; who have a vibrant, personal relationship with the Lord Jesus; and who’s lives will be bright and shining lights, penetrating the darkness around them.” (Bruce Johnson, Family Life Today)

In parenting, “behavior is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart.” Tedd Tripp

Parenting isn’t just about raising good children who do good things, but raising adults who have a heart for Christ that manifests itself in outward actions. This has to be done intentionally.

When we teach our children to go potty, we do it intentionally. When we teach our children to read, we do it intentionally. When we teach our children to drive, we do it intentionally. When teaching children these types of lessons there tends to be time set aside, specific instructions, often books read to assist in training, and sometimes even other adults corralled in to help. Although traits such as respect, obedience, taking care of material possessions, patience, responsibility, integrity, and fairness are important, it is often assumed that children will just kind of pick up these traits by osmosis. The same is often true about faith in God. Many parents believe that if they set the right example for their children, their children will make the right decisions. Other parents believe that they can set whatever example they feel like but as long as they tell their children the right thing to do their children will follow the rules (we’ve all heard the biggest lie in parenting – ‘do as I say and not as I do’.) Many parents believe that discipline is the key to good parenting, but miss out on the true purpose of discipline and end up alienating their children. Other parents believe that their children will do the right things if they love them enough and end up with grown children who have no respect for authority or skills for life. There are many mistakes that we can (and will) make in parenting. And in our present culture we have additional challenges than have parents of previous generations. Parenting can seem like a daunting task when we look at it full on, but if we stay focused on our goals as parents and decide to be intentional about the way we parent, with God’s guidance and help, we will be successful.

What to do with Leftover Ham

2011-02-10T17:05:00.003-05:00

Wondering what to make for dinner? Need something quick and have leftovers? One of our favorite dishes with leftover ham is chicken cordon blue.

Layer baking dish with bread crumbs, flattened chicken tenders or breasts, ham & swiss cheese. Do two sets of layers of meats and put a top layer of bread crumbs. Regular or Italian work. Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes. Tonight, I'm serving with homemade fried potatoes and whatever veggie I find in the freezer.

Another great thing to do with leftover ham is make a ham and brocolli ring. Dice the ham, mix with steamed, chopped brocolli (can be either frozen or fresh), and diced cheese (preferably swiss). Mix in 1/8 cup of each dijon mustard and honey mustard.

Lay out crescent rolls on stone or other baking pan in circle or oblong fashion, top with mixture and pull ends of rolls to cover in criss cross. Bake at 375 for 11-13 minutes.

Hope you enjoy!

Parenting 101

2011-02-08T14:08:00.000-05:00

The who: parenting is about our children. Not about our child’s actions, necessarily, but about what we as moms do that is in the best interest of our children.

The what: parenting is about guiding our children to maturity and a saving faith in Christ Jesus.

The when: parenting is about knowing when children need what. They need love all the time, encouragement for what they do right, discipline for what they do wrong, and for us to gradually let go as they grow.

The where: parenting is about pointing our children to heaven. When we can give them an eternal perspective of life, we gift them with the ability to focus on Christ in everything they do.

The how: parenting is about using the tools given to us directly through God’s Word and indirectly through others’ experiences.

The why: parenting is about taking care of the gift that God has given us in our children. It is the highest calling that we can have.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD; children a reward from him. Psalm 127:3

Parenting on Purpose

2011-02-04T14:03:00.001-05:00

I must begin this topic by saying that I am the most imperfect parent. Despite the number of parenting books I’ve read, despite the fact that I’ve been trained as a counselor and taught parenting classes, despite knowing the right things to do, I am the most imperfect parent. I don’t always do the right things, say the right things, at the right times, for the right reasons. But I have learned a lot about parenting from other parents and the Ultimate Parent. This chapter, as are all of them, is as much for me as it is for you. Although I have the knowledge, I also need the encouragement and reminders to use that knowledge and stay consistent and focused in my parenting.

One of the things that has developed through my experience as a mom is my focus in parenting. Once I got past the newness of being a mom and shock of what true sleep deprivation is like, I learned that I had to do more than just survive parenting if I wanted my children to do more than just to survive their childhood. I wanted them to thrive and that meant intentionally focusing on my job to guide my children towards maturity – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. My job is to love them and make decisions in their best interest. As a person living in the flesh, I often fall short, but I have learned that by using the resources God gives me and relying on Him to lead me as a mom, I can give my children everything they need as the grow and mature. And even my faults and failures can serve as lessons for them as I admit my shortcomings and sins and continue to seek after God’s will for my life.

As my children and I (and my husband) make progress on our journey towards maturity, there are several principles that I have found to be critical. The first principle is that our main goal in parenting is to lead our children to maturity. The end goal is that they not just grow older (physical maturity) but that they become everything God intended them and created them to be (spiritual, mental, and emotional maturity.)

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:14-16

We know our children have reached (relative) maturity when they are internally motivated to seek God and obey Him out of love. To get them to this point we have a lot of work to do and much of this work will come in the form of “motivating our children externally - correcting their flesh, or their actions” (Lisa Welchel) while instilling right heart motives to do the right things. As we do the work of parenting with the end goal in mind we must also keep in mind the who, what, when, where, how, and why of parenting.

Just say "No"

2011-02-02T13:43:00.002-05:00

Most of us moms remember this anti-drug campaign. I think it's safe to say that it's impact on youth was minimal. Yet, I think it's usefulness in parenting is unlimited.

One of the things I've observed as both a mom and a family counselor is that saying "no" to children is one of the most difficult things for parents to do. Even I (who've been called a real hard-nosed parent) have a hard time occasionally. Why is that?

I think it's because we love our children, want the best for them and want them to be happy. The problem comes in when what they believe will make them happy is not the thing that is best for them. One example of this is letting them eat what they want. They believe that eating sweets all the time, or before meals is what will make them happy. But we know it's not best for them. Another example is letting them hang out with friends of drastically different value systems. They may genuinely love these friends, but their influence may be devastating to our child's decision-making.

The problem and process of saying "no" starts in toddlerhood and doesn't end until --- well, sometimes ever. The problem is that it often hurts us as moms - and causes us to have to give up something - to say "no." We know we'll have to deal with the whining, fussing, and arguing. We don't want to deal with it. The process of saying "no" is knowing what to say it to and being able to back it up. The first part, we can only make the decision personally. What is important enough/necessary to say "no" to. The second part is ultra-important. If you're not going to back it up, don't even think about saying "no."

I've had my share of whininess, fussiness, and arguing. I have one child who screams at the top of her lungs when I say "no" to the 'wrong thing.' But, I've learned, if I simply hand on (sometimes 3 minutes, sometimes 30), it will pass and things will be all right again. I've also learned to discipline the whininess, fussiness, and arguing in and of themselves. If you're doing that when I tell you "no", you're not respecting me nor being obedient, and that's a punishable offence.

It hurts to take away priviledges from our children. It hurts to enforce negative consequences and see them upset. But, the natural consequences of their disobeying become much more dangerous as they get older. So, I'll stick with saying "no" when necessary - and praying for guidance on when to.

Living a Balanced Life

2011-01-27T09:45:00.000-05:00

Reasons we get out of balance:

The need for balance: The “have it all, do it all, be it all” myth.
Endless opportunities
The devil is a master of distraction

How to get back in balance:
1 – Intentionally live out your priorities
· Use the right source and standard (God’s word)
· Don’t buy into “I’m only a mom”
· Look at how your resources are spent (time, money, energy, thoughts)

2 – Pray about how to spend your priorities (daily)
· If we’re constantly seeking and following God’s will, He will bless whatever we do
· P.S. that doesn’t mean it will be easy

3—Plan
· schedule your days, weeks, months
· handwritten lists, calendars, phones
· don’t work for your plan/schedule/routine, it’s to work for you
· routine is good, but so is flexibility
4 – Don’t strive for perfection, but for excellence
· staying in balance means letting some things go

5 – Maintain relationships with other people
· when we put God first and keep our priorities in order, He fills us with His peace, patience, and love for others
· relationships are meant to less us as we give and take (make sure relationships are healthy)
· Two are better than one, if one falls down, the other can help him up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

6 – Have a proper perspective
· Balance isn’t just about what we have going on. It’s also about how we look at and feel about what’s going on.
· We all have stressful and/or “down” times, but if we focus on them, we miss out on the precious, rewarding times
· If you know how to worry, you know how to meditate

7 – Give yourself permission to say “no”
· Too often, we get our identity from what we do.
· It’s hard to say no when it’s a good thing, something we enjoy, or something that will make us look good, but if it puts us out of balance, it’s most likely not something God’s called us to do

8 – Purge “have to” from your vocabulary
· “have to” means an obligation and brings with it a sense of burden
· “I’m going to…because…” improves your mood, increases motivation, and give you a better attitude
· Do everything as unto the Lord. Colossians 3:23

9 – Remember to play
· Moms have a lot of responsibilities and often forget to have fun
· It will improve your relationships with your husband, children and friends
· It will also improve your health

10 – Pause when you experience “those days” = Feeling overwhelmed, Overly emotional, Lashing out, Stressed

· Acknowledge where you’ve gotten off course
o Not trusting God
o Taken on too many responsibilities
o Not asking for help when you need it
o Not spending time with God
o Neglecting Godly friendships
o Wasting time
o Not taking care of yourself
o Focusing on the negatives
o Ect.
· Admit it to God
· Accept His forgiveness
· Allow yourself to let go: of the guilt and disappointment
· Agree with what God says about you as a redeemed child of His – the King of kings
· Ask God, “what next, what today” on your journey of becoming who He created you to be

11 - Pray

Hormonal Love Affair

2011-01-19T12:50:00.000-05:00

Don't you just love hormones? It is truly a challenge that women alone face. It is unique to our life experience. And it's one that we share, but yet each travel alone as well.

I particularly loved that as I came off a very busy December and Christmas week, slipped into a slump the first week of New Year's as I tried to reclaim order in my house, that the following week was my "hormonal" week. Instead of bouncing back after working hard to get my house in order and getting back into our routine (kind of), I slipped into a further slump. One check at the calendar told me, "Oh. That's what's going on." And I cursed hormones.

But as that week slips away and my hormones go through another shift, this time on the upswing, I'm not feeling so bad about them. As a matter of fact, I kind of like them.

And thus, goes the love/hate relationship I have with hormones. As I become more aware of them, I can work against them when they drag me down and work with them when they lift me up. I know to do what needs to be done, regardless of how I feel. I also know that sometimes a day of nothing but feeding the children and reading a good book and drinking good decaf coffee (yes, I know that's an oxymoron to some) is helpful on getting me back on track the next day.

They're not going away, but I am learning to lead my actions not based on how I feel, mostly due to my hormones, but instead to drag them along for the journey (after that cup of decaf and good book.)

Swiss Steak Dinner

2011-01-08T16:57:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted recipes in a while, but had a fantastic dinner earlier this week and thought I'd share. The main recipe is one that my mother-in-law acquired from her father, who learned it while in the Army.

Swiss Steak
2 lb cube steak
1/4 c oil
1 cup flour
3/4 c chopped celery
3/4 c chopped onion
1 1/2 c ketchup
1 cup water
1/8 c A1 Steak Sauce
5 shakes Worchestershire
2 T brown sugar

Put the flour on a plate. Take cube steak, one piece at at time, coating both sides. Brown in oil in electric griddle (if available.) Put browned meat aside. Stif fry celery and onion until soft. Add remaining ingredients. Mix and add meat. Cover and simmer for 2 hours.

Mashed potato casserole
Wash and dice desired number of potatoes. Boil until tender (20-45 min, depending on number and size of dices.) Drain and mash with hand mixer. Add butter, salt, pepper, and garlic powder to taste. Add milk, to make creamy. Put in sprayed casserole dish and cover with shredded cheddar. Bake 300 for 20-30 minutes.

Japanese Spinach w/Sesame Seeds
(allrecipes.com - click above)

Enjoy!

Eating Humble Pie

2011-01-04T09:55:00.000-05:00

I had a big dose of humble pie the other day. It was a reminder to be careful in everything I do.

So, I woke up early Sunday morning, exercised, did some work on the computer and thought I had plenty of time to get ready and wake everyone up for church when I stepped into the shower at 7:30. But, for some unknown reason, when I got out fifteen minutes later, we were short on time. In one hour, we needed to get two little ones bathed and dressed, my husband had to take a shower, and everyone had to eat. With fifteen minutes until my desired departure time, I walk down the stairs to find my hubby on the couch snuggling with a couple of children. I was not happy.

I push everyone through breakfast, gather everyone's shoes, and herd them out the door, ten minutes late. "What can I do to prevent us from being late?" I asked hubby on the ride.

We park and I head in to the sanctuary with the oldest two, while he gets the younger set to take to nursery. We walk in - and no one's in the sanctuary except the praise band. Confused, I check my watch, then the clock on the wall. Sure enough, it's 9:15. I walk down the hallway and see a lady I know. "Where is everyone?"

"They don't finish until 9:30," she replies.

My heart drops. We used to start church at 9:15. Now we start at 9:45. I catch my hubby on the way to nursery and open wide for my extra-large slice of humble pie.

And I learned to be more cautious and more aware of how I handle things. Had I slowed down once, I might have realized I was off course. Pestering everyone and being grumpy didn't get anyone out of the house any quicker. And all this on the 2nd day of the year.

So, one of my goals is to not eat any more humble pie. I'm sure I'll make more mistakes, but hopefully they'll be smaller and I'll catch them much sooner.

Snow for Christmas

2010-12-26T19:31:00.002-05:00

Actually got a white Christmas this year (very rare in eastern Virginia.) My cousin shared this great picture, and it made me smile. So, I'm sharing with you. Hope you have a blessed day, snowy or not.

Merry Christmas to All Moms

2010-12-24T13:33:00.000-05:00

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to their own town to register.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived.

Luke 2:1-21

Organization

2010-12-23T09:33:00.000-05:00

After

Before

I'm one of those people who is organized in spurts. I hyper-focus on one thing and make sure that's organized, letting any number of other things slip. I don't like things chaotic and in disarray, I just haven't figured out how to keep up with everything.

My most recent neglected item was the closet off of my office nook. My office is a converted closet and had a cubby hole to the side that my hubby opened up and made a new closet. It's great, but didn't have many tools for organizing. And stuff keeps coming in I don't know what to do with. It's really easy stuff things away in a closet. But, recently it had gotten out of control. School stuff, art supplies, Christmas and pre-purchased Birthday presents, videos, books, paperwork, etc., etc., etc.

So, when my mom came up with my nephews (good entertainment for my kids) I asked if she'd be willing to help. It only took a few hours and an extra pair of hands to make the amazing transformation. I feel immeasurably better about the space and that I can actually use it now. I have other things to be tackles and organized, but I've learned, to maintain balance and create a peaceful environment, I don't have to do it all at once. I only have to tackle one project at a time and not give up.

Joy in Christmas

2010-12-20T08:41:00.002-05:00

Life is busy. And then the holidays start. And life gets busier. Christmas is supposed to be a time of celebration and enjoyment, remembering the birth of Jesus and spending time with family. But often times, the extra stuff - shopping, cards, wrapping, parties, etc. - adds more stress than enjoyment to life.

If this is the case for you, I recommend stopping to catch your breath. These moments are few and far between and won't happen on their own. They have to be sought after and grabbed hold of. These are the moments you do nothing but squeeze, tickle, and play with your child. These are the moments you set aside to take your older child out shopping or for a "date." These are the moments you make cookies simply to spend time in the kitchen together. These are the moments you sit and watch a classic Christmas movie from beginning to end. These are the moments you chase the millions of things you have left to do from your mind and actually enjoy the Christmas musical at church.

We often let the extra expectations of us ruin our holiday season. Are we going to buy something that everyone likes? Did I wrap it just right? Did I forget to send a card to someone? Am I going to offend someone if I don't make it to their party? But, these are not the things Christmas is about. They are fun, or at least they are meant to be, but when they become the pull of Christmas, things have gotten out of order.

In order to find joy in Christmas, Christ has to be put first and mas has to be secondary. Otherwise, you have the proverbial cart before the horse, which will steal your joy. According to one source, mas means festival. We have lots of festivities during the Christmas season, but they tend to take over and take our focus off celebrating the birth of Jesus, the Christ child. Whenever you're not experiencing joy (during the holidays or any time of year), intentionally put your focus back on Jesus and He will give you joy.

Take time to play Christmas music, read different versions of the Christmas story, share what you're thankful for about this time of year, etc. Grab hold of the joy freely given us and go along for the ride of a lifetime!

Christmas gift ideas for People hard to buy for

2010-12-16T14:38:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the long title, but I had a hard time trimming it down. Like I sometimes have a hard time finding presents for certain people. These people shall remain nameless because it doesn't matter who they are, and I believe we all have those people in our lives. The ones who buy whatever they want, or don't want much, or plain don't give you a clue what they might want or need.

Over the years I've had to become more and more creative, especially when on a tight budget. One of the things I do for family members (especially grandparents) is create photo albums. I asked for a scrapbook program several years ago for my birthday and use it to make inexpensive gifts. I know there are a ton of websites to do online albums, but I can never get a price without signing up. Also, because we have four albums to produce (3 sets of grandparents and 1 great-grandparent) it's a whole lot cheaper for me to buy the paper and ink and print out the same album four times. Best I can estimate it, it costs me about the same for 4 as I'd be spending online for one. Could be wrong, but it works for me.

Other great ideas can be found a websites like Wal-mart photo and Walgreen's. They have great, inexpensive gift ideas that grandparents, aunts, and uncles love. Pictures on coffee mugs, travel mugs, puzzles, mouse pads, and ornaments. Some items you can even do annually with updated pictures. Others (like a throw blanket) are probably a one time thing, but still great ideas.

This year, I diverted from the photo gifts and started looking for perishables. These are good because they get used up and aren't one more thing to find a place for. There are gift baskets and towers from $20 up - something for all budgets. And something for all tastebuds. at 1-800-flowers I found great options. They have baskets with fruit, candy, sauces, chocolate covered fruit, and mixed baskets. It's a great idea for the hard-to-by-for person(s) on your list.

So, if you haven't finished shopping and don't want to brave the frigid temps outside, let you fingers do the shopping and have it shipped strait to who it's for. Only 7 days of online shopping left!

Helpful Tools for Christmas

2010-12-15T07:40:00.000-05:00

I almost wish I hadn't already done my Christmas cards. Or that I had some other great Christmas craft to do. I might just come up with one.

I'm working on photo albums for the grandparents and didn't want to use any of the graphics that came with my scrapbook program. (You know, after you've used the same program for half a dozen years or so, they get old.) So, I had a brainstorm - google Christmas fine art images. And I found a fantastic website that has loads of free Christmas clip art - good quality and variety. And you know me, if I find something worth sharing, I simply have to share it!

So, if you're in need of some Christmas clip art or are looking for gift ideas, head over to christmasgifts.com and check it out.

Picture Perfect

2010-12-13T13:49:00.000-05:00

Do you take pictures of your children/family for Christmas cards? I do. Every year. And every year, I go into it with expectations that I can take the perfect picture. With all my children (ages 7, 5, 3 & 1). Standing exactly where I want them to stand. Smiling nicely without making funny faces. And all after I've dressed them up perfectly. And once again, my expectations are not met.

This year, after getting the kids dressed up twice, arguing with the sun to go back behind the clouds so the lighting will be right, and taking 47 pictures in 3 different locations, I still didn't get the perfect one. So, I've given up.

I'm grateful for photoshop, and online ordering, and a decent picture, but I've decided to give up on the perfect picture. I feel like one of those Christmas commercials where no one behaves and you end up with crazy pictures. I'm thinking next year I'd like that program where you can steal a good face from one picture and add it to another. Then, maybe all four of my children will be smiling, looking at the camera, and be in perfect light.

But for now, I'm ordering my B+ picture. And I'm sure everyone (especially family members out of state whom we don't get to see often) will love them. I'll take my own advice, not strive for perfection, but for excellence, and have a cup of coffee while I attach each picture to the 250 cards I'll be sending out this week.

Great Inexpensive Christmas Gift Ideas

2010-12-10T07:02:00.002-05:00

Are you scrambling to come up with presents for those you love? Are you on a limited budget? Do you have people who can buy whatever they want, making them impossible to buy for? There are lots of things we can do for our family and friends that they will appreciate without breaking the bank.

One thing I do is bake. Cookies, breads, etc. Not as many people take the time to bake these days and most appreciate homemade items. You can find lots of great recipes at the tips of your fingers at websites like allrecipes and food network, and by simply setting aside one day this season, you can make a miriad of gifts.

Don't have the time to bake? Put together pre-measured, ready-to-bake gift jars. You can use old jars or buy new canning jars inexpensively and fill them with a variety of mixes. Make your own pancake or waffle mix (which won't have all those preservatives of store bought ones). Put together a flavored coffee mix, hot chocolate mix complete with marshmellows, or cookie mix. Find many great ideas and "recipes" at websites like kitchen link.

Not a fan of the kitchen? More of a crafty person? There are many ideas to use cheap supplies or things you have around your house. Gather some pinecones from around your neighborhood. Save/gather items you don't use any more (milk cartons, craft sticks, old CD's and cases) and turn them into something useful. Websites like make stuff have fantastic ideas on the cheap.

Still not up your alley? Or time lacking? Create a personalized gift certificate. Offer babysitting, a homecooked meal, help cleaning, a trip out for coffee. Look at the needs of those people you love and see how you can help meet them.

I've probably missed about a million other great ideas, but knowing how difficult it can be sometimes, I hope I've helped at least stir the creative pot and send you in some helpful directions. Merry Christmas, and happy presenting!

Avoid Stress during the Holidays

2010-12-07T07:02:00.003-05:00

I've been fortunate to be asked to speak to a local MOPS group about balance this month. I'm fortunate not only for the opportunity, but the reminders of what I need to do to stay balanced during this time of crazy, busy, extra responsibilities.

As moms, we have a wealth of daily responsibilities - cooking, cleaning, laundry, homework, diapers, potty training, character reinforcement, errand running, and being Mom taxi. Then the holidays come and we add shopping for presents, wrapping those presents, going to and hosting parties, Christmas cards, etc. All these things are fun and great, but we often wonder how to fit those things in on top of everything we do already.

First, allow yourself to let some things go. While your family still needs to be fed and clothed, surely there are some items that can wait until after the holidays. My ironing is currently piled up in the laundry room and has been on my to do list for a while, but truly, it can wait until after the family Christmas party we're hosting this weekend. I'm a homeschooling mom, and we haven't completely given up school, but we're on a reduced holiday schedule. What can you let go?

Second, realize that you can't do it all. It's okay to say "no" - even to good things. If that good thing causes you stress, then it's not ultimately a good thing.

Third, don't forget to take care of yourself. Take time, at least once a week, to do something for you. Watch a chick flick, take a bubble bath, get or give yourself a pedicure, read a novel, get a massage. Most importantly, spend time with God. Ask Him for strength to get through this busy season and follow His guidance in what to do each day.

Which brings me to the last item: focus on one day at a time. It is helpful to plan ahead (I don't need to be going grocery shopping the morning of my dinner party), but once we have an overall plan, we should focus only on today. After all, today's the only day we can live out.

Top Secret Key to Successful Marriage

2010-12-01T15:17:00.000-05:00

I will not make rule number five that marriage takes God. I believe that the best, healthiest marriages are based on a solid foundation in God. I believe that the best way to grow in your marriage is to grow in your relationship with God. But if I were to say that I’ve never seen two people enjoy marriage for a lifetime without God being a part of their lives, we would all know that it was untrue. If I were to say that all marriages where both people are believers are happy and successful, we would also know that this is untrue. I never want to diminish the impact that God can have on our marriage, but as with everything, I want to be honest. God has certain rules for living and those rules apply to everyone. This includes the rules, or principles, for relationships. If we work at it, have the proper perspective, enjoy it, and commit to it, it will succeed almost every time. What God can add to a marriage is basically what he can add to an individual’s life. We can do a fairly good job of filling the God-shaped hole in our lives and in our marriages, but true joy and fulfillment – individually and in our marriage – will only come with Christ as our Savior and Lord.

Working on, having the proper perspective about, being committed to, communicating effectively, being flexible, forgiving, and having fun in your marriage are the pieces of the healthy marriage puzzle. Making God first in your life and submitting yourself and your marriage to Him is the frame which enhances the puzzle and makes it a masterpiece.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

Rules of a Healthy Marriage VII

2010-11-29T13:15:00.000-05:00

The final “rule” for a healthy marriage is fun. Even though at first having fun may sound easier than the previous rules, it is often just as difficult to maintain. Life gets busy and things happen between two people that distract them from each other and their relationship. Therefore, fun often gets forgotten.

Chances are when you first dated your husband, you had a lot of fun together. Your relationship most likely focused on getting to know each other and having fun together. Even after the wedding takes place the fun tends to continue, at least for a while. However, as life adds responsibilities, stress and tension increase also. As stress and tension build, the distance between husband and wife tends to increase. So, even if you work on your marriage, make the effort to keep a proper perspective, and have made a solid commitment to your husband, if you don’t ever have fun together you’ll be more like partners of a business venture rather than partners a loving marriage.

I don’t know about you, but I desire so much more from my husband than just someone to go through life experiences and share child-rearing with. I want a partner, friend, lover, and companion. Life is not near as care free as when my husband and I were dating, and therefore we must be intentional about having fun together. Some of that fun is as parents. We do fun things at home and away from home with our children. We have fun together as a family. But we also have fun together as a couple. Sometimes this means staying up late to watch a movie after the kids go to bed. Sometimes it means sitting on the front porch alone while the kids watch a movie or are playing nicely. Sometimes it means recruiting a babysitter to go out to dinner. Sometimes it means lying in bed just holding hands and sharing what’s been going on lately. Many couples we know take a few days each year for an adult vacation. Others send the kids to the grandparents’ houses for a few days or weeks. Having fun doesn’t have to take a lot of money or time, but it generally takes a lot of planning and creativity. However, if having fun together becomes a priority in your marriage, it will become more natural. And the rewards will far outweigh any effort that is put into making time for fun.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

YA Book Earns an "A"

2010-11-28T17:53:00.001-05:00

Having read several Nancy Drew books with my daughter, I was pleasantly surprised at the caliber of writing in Kathleen Fuller’s The Secrets Beneath. I expected a teen mystery with some Godly perspective thrown in and got so much more. From the beginning of the book, I found myself pulled into the characters and their situations. The characters are well-developed and are easy to relate to, especially for young readers.

The Secret Beneath had me wondering what was going on from the very beginning. It is written with enough intrigue to keep the reader along for the ride without being frustrated that you’re not getting enough information. Also, several times I wanted to scream at the main character, Bekah, to not do what she’s about to do – to me a sure sign that the book has drawn me in. Even though this book (the second in the series) was written as a Young Adult novel, I, as an adult reader, thoroughly enjoyed it and am confident that my daughter will receive the first and next books in the series, after I’ve had a chance to preview them.

Rules of a Healthy Marriage VI

2010-11-24T10:12:00.000-05:00

Forgiveness. Your husband will irritate you, frustrate you and hurt you. After all, he’s only human. When these things happen, however, you have a choice to make. You either hold onto it and let it build a divide between you and your husband or you let it go, forgive him and add to the bond you have with him. Forgiveness is always the best choice: for you, for him, and for your marriage.

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. Proverbs 17: 14

You may be thinking, “but what he did was wrong! And I’m supposed to just forgive him?” Yes. And no. We are called to always forgive, but there’s nothing that says forgiveness is easy or simple. Often it’s not a matter of “just forgiving.” It’s about processing, dealing with, and forgiving.

If the source of conflict is minor (an irritating habit, being late, viewing things differently) then it may be as much about changing expectations so they’re more realistic and accept your husband’s short-comings as it is about forgiveness. There is an element of forgiveness, however. You may need to forgive him for disappointing you. You may need to forgive him for not holding to his word. You may need to forgive him for not being perfect. Although these instances are generally minor, they add up when they’re held on to.

Even small offenses and conflicts it’s essential to your relationship to forgive and let go. You may need to deal with some of these issues together. You may need to decide that things are the way they are, that they’re not that big of a deal, and choose not to let them bother you. At first letting go even of little things takes a conscious effort and practice. But with practice, forgiving the little things and letting them go becomes easier and easier.

Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers overall wrongs. Proverbs 10:12

Bigger issues take a little more of a process to forgive. Once the hurt has been acknowledged (which sometimes happens immediately, and at other times happens more slowly), the wrong action that caused the hurt needs to be acknowledged as wrong. Because you choose the past of forgiveness doesn’t mean a wrong action is okay or is to be overlooked. It does mean that you choose not to hold that action against your husband once it’s dealt with and forgiven. If you define who your spouse is by this action, use it to manipulate him, or bring it up at a later time, forgiveness hasn’t occurred. It will likely take discussing the issue with your husband, may take talking it through with a trusted third party (e.g. pastor, counselor), and it will definitely take prayer. The process may be quick, or it may be slow, but it is essential to having a healthy marriage.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

2010-11-22T08:05:00.000-05:00

Flexibility. Another piece to the healthy marriage puzzle is flexibility. If this piece of the puzzle is ignored, this rule broken, your marriage may not be in jeopardy of dissolving, but the joy and rewards of marriage will be stolen from it. Inflexibility, stubbornness, and general “it’s gonna be my way” attitude lead to frustration and conflict. Flexibility, on the other hand, fosters fun and enjoyment in a marriage.

Why is flexibility so important? Simply because a marriage is made up of two people who have their own backgrounds, their own baggage, their own likes and dislikes, their own way of perceiving the world, and their own ideas about, well, everything. All these things that make us who we are and who our husband fell in love with may also irritate him. And vice versa.
One thing I’ve had to learn to be flexible about is being flexible. I’m a planner and an organizer (which should be obvious from chapter one.) I like to have a plan and follow through with it. My husband likes to keep all options open all the time so he can make the best choice when it comes time. Needless to say, this has caused some conflict. Eventually I learned that he told me about upcoming events to keep that option open and he accepted that some things just have to be planned. We both learned to be more flexible in how we perceived plans and met somewhere in the middle.

The areas of potential inflexibility are endless. What types of things are served for dinner, who prepares it, and when it’s served. The level of expected housekeeping and who’s responsible for it. How money is spent. What types of vacations are taken and when. What type of extra-curricular activities are okay and how much is okay (for adults and for children.) How to hand family functions. Like I said, the issues are limitless. We each have our own issues, some more important than others. In choosing to be flexible, you’re not saying that your perspective isn’t important. Or that you aren’t important. What flexibility says is that your relationship is more important than holding fast to your ideas about this particular issue. Some issues are going to be more important to you and you will stand more firmly on those. However, these issues should be carefully considered, chosen wisely, and communicated effectively.

Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting with strife. Proverbs 17:1

There will be a host of things that you’ll discover aren’t worth arguing over. Having a healthy, joyful relationship with your husband is more important. Does it really matter if the kids drink sweet tea at supper? As long as bills are being paid, does it matter if he splurges at the hardware store once in a while? These are some of the small things that provide opportunities for flexibility. As you become more flexible towards your husband, theoretically he will naturally become more flexible to you. Then you have the wonderful, albeit complex, dance of give and take that can enhance your marriage even more.

Rules of a Healthy Marriage V

2010-11-19T10:03:00.000-05:00

The tools are first to recognize the differences between the way men and women communicate, second to listen, and third to respect what’s being said. Clarification is also important. As the examples I gave before and plenty you can probably think of make it clear, clarification is very helpful. I often repeat back to my husband what he’s said to me. “So..” and I repeat what I heard. It may sound silly, and sometimes he tells me that all I’m doing is repeating what he said, but it works. I tell him, “just clarifying, honey. Don’t want to misunderstand you.”

I statements are also important in communication. These are statements like, “It upsets me when you’re running late and don’t call,” and “I don’t like it when you ignore me.” The alternative statements that are unhealthy include character attacking and blame-placing. They are statements like, “You’re so inconsiderate and selfish. You can’t even take a second to call when you’re late,” and “You make me crazy when you ignore me.” Positive words and encouragement are also essential elements to healthy communication. That doesn’t mean that you lie, or hold back things that bother you, but that you share those things in as positive a way as possible. It also means that you make a conscious effort to speak words of praise and encouragement to your husband as much as possible. Accusatory, negative and bitter words reek havoc on your relationship. Uplifting, positive and loving words will increase affection between you and your husband. It’s your choice how you use your words. [Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18]

Rules of a Healthy Marriage IV

2010-11-17T11:01:00.000-05:00

Another piece of that puzzle is healthy communication. We all have communication issues. Sometimes we feel like we’ve said one thing, while the person we’re talking to has heard something completely different. I remember one time when my husband and I were dating and planned on going to lunch together. I went to meet him at the place we agreed we’d eat at that day, but he never showed up. On my way back to the office I got a call to find out what happened. He’d shown up at my office to pick me up to take me to lunch. We made a commitment to communicate better. That was about 13 years ago. Just the other week I told my husband that the kids and I would be going to a friend’s house and he’d have the evening to himself. When I called him at four in the afternoon to hook up with him for supper he was surprised. He understood that he had the whole day to himself. I’d said “evening.” He’d heard “day.” Obviously, we’re still working on communication.

Healthy communication fosters growth and closeness in any relationship, especially a marriage. However, communication within a marriage is quite possibly the most challenging. Not only do you have to communicate more often than in almost any other relationship, you also have to deal with the dramatically different ways men and women communicate. In their book Men are like Waffles Women are like Spaghetti, Bill and Pam Ferrelll highlight these differences. Their research and years of working with couples taught them that when men start a conversation it’s meant to be about that topic and that topic only. Women, on the other hand, process while talking and think of all the things related to the topic the discussion began with. The best way to deal with the different ways men and women communicate and deal with conversations is to listen. You know, the two ears one mouth thing. We should listen twice as often as we talk. This doesn’t accomplish better communication. It only leads to frustration.

If our men truly say very little compared to us, don’t we want to pay closer attention to them? If they say little they’re going to be choosy about what they say and it will hold more meaning. Listening to him is a form of communication in itself. It communicates that we respect what he has to say. It communicates that we believe what he has to say is valid and important to us. If he feels heard and respected, he’s more likely to tell us more and listen to us when we talk. This is important on surface level communication (details, thoughts, and opinions of life) and essential when communicating on deeper levels (the vulnerable issues of life.) As we communicate on those deeper levels there’s a greater chance for miscommunication and conflict. There’s also a greater chance for deeper intimacy and growth if we utilize healthy communication tools.

Rules of a Healthy Marriage III

2010-11-15T07:59:00.000-05:00

The next “rule” of a healthy marriage is that it takes commitment. Commitment is a characteristic that is not revered in our culture. It is more likely to be made fun of and attributed to inconsequential items. Commercials constantly encourage people to make a lifetime commitment to a brand of car, or phone company, or even a sandwich. In reality of how we live, however, people rarely stay committed to things that really matter. The divorce rate for first marriages has been holding steady at about fifty percent for several decades now. “Til death do us part” has become “until I don’t feel like it anymore.”

Any time we enter into something without the mindset of being committed to it, we are much less likely to put effort into it and much more likely to quit. I remember planning a group with some co-counselors several years back. We discussed offering the group for free or charging a minimal fee. One of the counselors shared a study that found that participants in programs were more likely to attend more sessions and complete the program if they had something invested in it, even if it was just fifteen dollars. The more you have invested in something, the more committed you are to it. The more committed you are to something, the more you’ll invest in it. It’s a positive cycle that holds true in marriage.

The commitment part it your mindset. Most people have the mindset of being committed to their spouse when they get married, or they probably wouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. But somehow over time and through difficult circumstances people begin to lose the “forever” mindset and start thinking that it might be better if the marriage ended. As soon as these thoughts start, the spiral towards divorce begins. Even though there is never a point of no return, it’s better to stop the spiral before it gets started.

Everyone has bad days, arguments, and negative thoughts. The key is to focus on the good days, argue less and more effectively, and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. This is an overflow from having the right perspective, but our thoughts about our spouse and commitment to our marriage are closely linked. If we reaffirm our commitment to our spouse with positive thoughts about our marriage (thinking about the good parts of the marriage, the positive traits of our husband, and the fact that we thought enough about him at one time to make the commitment of a lifetime) we are more likely to put effort into our relationship with him. As we put effort into the relationship, we will begin to reap the rewards of marriage and feel more committed to it. Each of these things are a piece of the puzzle which helps to make up the whole picture of a healthy marriage.

2010-11-13T12:56:00.000-05:00

Another “rule” of a healthy marriage is that it takes a proper perspective. Being aware of our thoughts, words, and actions is a large part of having the proper perspective. In the first chapter the importance of being conscience of and choosing a positive perspective was introduced. In the subsequent chapters the concept of perspective has been expanded on. The importance of perspective that we have in any given circumstance and any given relationship cannot be overstated. When looking at people who crumble under difficult circumstances compared to those who seem to persevere and become stronger, the tangible difference is perspective. The same is true for relationships, especially marriages. Marriages don’t fail because someone had an affair, there are financial troubles, or people just grew apart. Marriages fail because husbands and wives began having thoughts like, “I can’t take this anymore,” “I can’t stand the way she…,” “He’ll never change,” or “I’ll never live up to his/her expectations, so why even try.” Instead of brushing these thoughts out the door with the rest of the trash, they were allowed to take root and cultivated, watered and given light to grow until they overtake the healthy, positive thoughts that used to reside in the minds of spouses.

In his book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, John Gottman states it this way. “It’s hardly surprising that what you think about someone often determines how you’ll treat them. But when it comes to marriage, this simple truth has huge consequences. The assumptions you make about your spouse and your relationship can determine the state of your marriage’s health. Marital problems easily arise if your thoughts and feelings are distorted.” So what are distorted thoughts and feelings? How do we know if they’re distorted?

In his book, Gottman gives examples of how given the same situation different people will react differently. Those reactions, whether positive , neutral, or negative, begin in our thoughts. What we think about a person and the situation – what we perceive are the motives and feelings behind what the other person is doing – effects how we will act and react. It’s good to regularly take stock of your relationship with your husband. Are most of your interactions positive or negative? When you think about your husband, do you focus on everything he doesn’t do, or does wrong? Or do you focus on the things he does for you and the kids? When talking about him and to him do you build him up or tear him down? It’s good to ask yourself these questions regularly. As you answer them, measure your answers against a Biblical perspective of marriage. A Biblical perspective can be obtained and maintained through completing women’s Bible Studies and searching scripture for what it has to say about marriage and relationships.

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Rules of a Healthy Marriage I

2010-11-11T15:50:00.000-05:00

Rules for a Healthy Marriage

The first rule of a healthy marriage is that it takes work. Sometimes marriage takes grueling, sweat-inducing, grimy work. One of the biggest lies that our culture produces and cultivates is that if a relationship is built on true love it will naturally grow and always be wonderful. The problem is that there is only one true love, and that is the love of Christ. Any other love is imperfect. Imperfect people love imperfectly. Times will come when we don’t feel very loved or very much like loving. It’s those times especially that we have a choice to make. We can decide to make the effort and continue to act in loving ways, or we can let our feelings rule our actions. It takes a choice to treat someone in a loving manner when we don’t feel like it. This is when love feels like work. And it is. But just as we are rewarded by other work we do when we don’t feel like it (whether it is actually going to work and getting a paycheck, or cleaning the house and enjoying the peaceful atmosphere, or working in the yard and enjoying the beauty of it) we will be rewarded every time we choose to act out of love.

Work in marriage also comes into play because our lives our busy. The first chapter of this book laid the foundation of the importance of prioritizing and focusing on the most important things. In our culture, and especially when children arrive, a healthy, happy marriage will not just happen. It’s very easy to get busy, get distracted and forget to feed your marriage. Working in your marriage, therefore, also means taking time and making time for your marriage. This may mean planning regular dates, turning the TV off once in a while to talk (about big and little things), going for a walk together, sitting down over the budget, giving small gifts, intentionally giving words of affirmation, cooking a favorite meal, or whatever it seems your relationship needs at the moment or on an ongoing basis. Each relationship, just like each person, is unique and has unique needs. But every relationship needs to be cared for and fed.

One additional thing I feel the need to mention in this section is a complaint that women often make. The complaint is: why is it my job to put in all the effort/work into the marriage? The answer is pretty straight forward. It’s not our job as the wife to be the only one working in the marriage. Marriage is made up of two people and takes effort on two people’s part. Contrary to popular belief, however, it is rarely, if ever, a 50-50 venture. When we expect it to be and try to keep score, we generally find ourselves frustrated, upset, and feeling negative about the relationship. We instead would benefit greatly from willingly and joyfully putting effort into our relationship with our husband. This doesn’t absolve him from also putting effort in. But we’re not responsible for what he does. We’re responsible for what we do. We are to make sure that our thoughts, words, and actions are in line with God’s will and word. When we as wives do that, it is amazing how much our feelings and attitude toward our husband will become more and more positive. And as we become more positive in our relationship, invariably, so will our husband.

Rewards of Marriage II

2010-11-08T13:47:00.000-05:00

The second reward in marriage is companionship. Our husband is supposed to be our companion. Someone to experience life with. Someone to share life with. Someone to hurt when we hurt and rejoice when we rejoice. Someone to hold our hand. Someone to stand in front of us when we need protecting, beside us when we need a friend, and behind us when we need extra support. They are a unique companion, though. Our husband has never been and is never supposed to be a girlfriend. Although we share our lives with him, it is in a unique way. When we marry our relationships with our girlfriends change, which they should. Our husband becomes our primary human relationship. However, we should not try to replace our girlfriends by treating our husband as one. I sometimes find myself sharing something with my husband that he absolutely could not care less about. It’s not because he’s uncaring or callous. It’s just something that doesn’t interest him. This usually happens when I haven’t been spending time with my girlfriends and I’m starved for adult conversation. (So, as you can see, fostering and maintaining your female friendships is actually a benefit to your relationship with your husband.) There are other ways we treat our husband as a girlfriend: in what we expect him to say, how we expect him to act, and some things we expect him to do. Dr. Laura Schlessinger states that the “major mistake women make in communication with their husbands is to imagine that their husbands are supposed to be their girlfriends.” When we do this, we are not respecting who God made this man - as a man and as an individual.

Our culture has become one which consistently demasculinates men. They aren’t respected for their differences, but instead degraded for their differences. Men and women are different. Most people realize this. What they don’t realize is that this is a good thing! I love being a woman and I love that my man is a man. As I’ve learned to accept my husband as he is (not being able to multi-task, not expressing himself verbally, not feeling things the way I do) and celebrate who he is as a man (being really good at concentrating on what he’s doing, wrapping his arms around me when I need it, being steady in almost any given situation) our relationship has grown closer and closer. Because we not only love each other, but also respect each other for who we are, who God made us, the rewards in our marriage have steadily increased.

Marriage can be, and should be, rewarding. However, those rewards don’t come automatically. You don’t have to look far and wide to see marriages in which the husband and/or wife are not reaping the rewards of marriage (even some of those which last a lifetime.) Just as with other things in life, rewards in marriage increase when we follow the plan and the rules. Many of us don’t like rules because we see them as restrictive. But rules, regulations, and laws are put in place for our protection and our benefit. The “rules” of marriage below aren’t meant to be viewed as strict “have to’s” for you to add to any list. On the contrary, they are meant to be keys that will unlock doors to a more rewarding, joyful marriage.

Rewards of Marriage I

2010-11-05T10:44:00.000-04:00

So what are the rewards of marriage supposed to be? Before that question is answered, I will discuss one thing that is not a reward of marriage. Marriage is NOT supposed to be fulfilling. I’m not saying that marriage isn’t supposed to add things to your life, that’s what this whole section is about – what a healthy marriage adds to your life. What I am saying is that if you approach marriage (or any relationship) as starting with an empty cup, expecting your husband (or anyone else) to fill that cup, and keep it filled for the rest of your life, you will be greatly disappointed.

We all remember the famous line the movie Jerry McGuire: “You complete me.” Sentimental. Sweet. Charming. Completely misguided. And dangerous. The idea of needing another person to complete you will always leave you wanting. This is because we are all human and are therefore imperfect. We make mistakes. We hurt the people we love the most. We will not ever be able to provide everything that our loved ones need. To expect to be able to do so, or expect someone else to do so for us, leads us down a path of disillusion and never-ending disappointments. Instead of looking for our husband to complete us, we need to look to Christ to define who we are, to provide everything we need, and fill us up. We are to see our husband as a wonderful addition to our lives. He’s the icing on the cake.

My husband gave me the perfect Valentine’s card the first two years we were dating (yes, he gave me the same card two years in a row; without realizing it.) It talked about being perfect for each other because we complimented each other. And that’s how relationships are supposed to be. Complimentary. Thus, the first reward of marriage is not completing each other, but complimenting each other. My husband and I balance each other out very well – I have the personality tests to prove it. I am very organized (when my case of mommy brain isn’t too severe) and my husband is very flexible and spontaneous. I feel things very deeply, my husband thinks things through in a very logical way. We both love being around other people, and we both love being alone. As we have learned to appreciate and cooperate with each other in our differences instead of looking at them in a negative light, we have reaped the rewards of living in compliment to each other.

It is sometimes frustrating, however, in instances such as when I want the kids in bed on time and he’s enjoying a romp on the floor with them. On the other hand, he’s also helped me to stop watching the clock and doing chores and get on the floor for a good tickling match, too. We do sometimes clash in how we see things and how we want things done, but those are the things we work out in love. “Wives need to remind themselves that when their husbands do something differently from how they would do it themselves, it does not constitute a breach of sanity or a display of contempt, it is merely a different way to do something.”

Great Christmas Book for Kids

2010-11-04T15:27:00.000-04:00

The good books just keep on coming. This one is perfect as a Christmas present for the little ones in your life.

I'm always looking for Biblically based Christmas stories for my children. I am thrilled with Little Star by Anthony Destefano, as it gives a fresh and creative perspective on the birth of Jesus.

Tears came to my eyes when I came to the part of the story where the star gets it. "... Little Star was the only one to understand the king's message. His message was love." What a wonderful way to capture the purpose behind this once ever event.

Secrets to a Great Marriage

2010-11-03T14:41:00.000-04:00

This is mainly for married women, but not just for married women. There are many things I learned about being a wife that I wished I had learned before I became one. In the more than seven years that I was in relationship with my husband before he became my husband I did and said many destructive things. I am very fortunate (and grateful) that God taught me early in my marriage what His perspective and expectations are about my attitude, words, and actions towards my husband. As with anything, it is a journey. There are days when my heart is in the right place and there are days when it is not. As I strive to follow God’s regulations for my marriage I have seen and tasted the wonderful rewards of having a Godly perspective on my marriage and of my husband. I love my husband more today than I ever thought possible.
Does it really matter? Some people may ask. With the number of single parent families today, is a healthy marriage really important to moms and their children?

The answer, unequivocally, is YES. Study after study has shown that a healthy marriage has a huge positive impact on children.

Rewards of a Healthy Marriage
Marriage is supposed to be rewarding. Marriage is supposed to be fun. Marriage is supposed to be full of love. I am often completely amazed at what God has done in my marriage. Not that it has ever been tumultuous. It’s never been rocky or in danger of ending. I can honestly say that we’ve never been even close to that point. On the contrary, by the grace of God, as good as it was in the beginning, it has steadily gotten better. My heart often overflows with love for my husband and I sit in awe at the increase of love God has added to my marriage. I never imagined that I would love my husband more and more as time passed in our marriage. I’ve seen too many marriages fall apart and studied marriage enough to know that of love does not always increase.

These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children.

Don’t get me wrong, however. I’ll never claim that my marriage is perfect. Of course it isn’t – it’s made up of two sinful, imperfect people. There have been bad moments and bad days. There are still times when I’m not really happy with my husband and he’s not really happy with me. But we have learned to work through those moments and those days and grow together. We have learned that it’s more important to focus on what’s going right than what we’re doing wrong. And we’ve learned that it takes work to maintain a healthy relationship, especially with several small children. We’ve also learned that putting the effort into our marriage is worth it. The rewards far outweigh the costs.

A book to buy, read, and give away

2010-11-02T22:02:00.000-04:00

As you can tell by now, I’m an avid reader and love sharing great books with others. Sometimes, I wish I could by 20 copies of a great book and hand them out at will. The most recent book put in my hands is one of those. It is “On This Day in Christian History” by Robert J. Morgan. This daily devotional is full of history briefs of saints, martyrs, and heroes. Some of them, you’ve probably heard of. Others will be completely new. All of the stories are interesting, encouraging, and inspiring. The book holds true to its promise.

If you ever doubt that God does amazing things with ordinary people, this book will convince you otherwise. These 365 stories, each highlighting a different individual who lived radically for God, are about ordinary people. It tells of people born in every type of circumstance and living during all time periods, dating back to the second century.

The key theme is that anyone can live a life that shines for God. The history that is included in the stories, how individuals fit into changes in the church, reformations, and missions, is an added bonus. This book is well written and the only problem is you won’t want to stop at reading one a day.

Addressing our Hubbies

2010-11-01T12:38:00.000-04:00

As I write this I want to let you know that I am well aware that there are moms that will be reading this whom are in all sorts of situations. Many moms are married to the man they were married to before they had children. Many moms are married to a man who is not the father of their children. Many moms aren’t married due to divorce, death or other circumstances. Many moms are married but separated for a variety of reasons. Our family and marital situations are as varied as our personalities are. As we begin to talk about our other relationships, especially our most important earthly relationship, my goal is to encourage you in the relationships you have. I hope to help you to understand the importance of relationships built on Biblical principles. I hope to provide a view of relationships that shows they are meant to benefit us as moms, those we’re in relationships with, and our children.

We’ve talked about the importance of friendships with other moms (and girlfriends.) There, I believe, the foundation for the blessings of such relationships was laid. God created us as relational beings and we are to thrive and grow through and in our relationships. Our female friends are an important part of our lives. They help keep us on track, support us, and increase the joy we experience in life. As important and beneficial as our girlfriends are to our lives, our husband should be much more. Our relationship with our husband, for those who have one, should be our highest priority human relationship, but too often it is not.

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

It breaks my heart how often I hear women say negative things about and to their husbands. Other women don’t speak badly to or about their husbands, but don’t pay a lot of attention to them either. Many women are so involved in their careers and/or their children that they don’t foster and enjoy their marital relationship. It often seems as if husbands are extraneous, attested to by the attitudes of many wives, the divorce rate, and the number of women choosing to have children without an involved father. Please know that I understand that there are women who really are in bad marriages, women whom have very legitimate reasons to get out of a marriage, and women who find themselves in bad situations. My heart is not to pour condemnation on anyone who has ended up in any of these circumstances. There is just a trend that has happened in our culture which has had severe negative effects on us collectively and individually. And I believe, that one by one, in making sure that we shift our perspectives to be Biblical, we can begin to experience the fruit and blessings of healthy, loving relationships with our husband.

Website for You

2010-10-27T14:31:00.000-04:00

I came across another great website last week. I'm always up for educational and fun, and with my 7-year-olds newfound desire to be on the computer, I searched out something new for her. What we found was www.coolmath-games.com. I even got on and quizzed myself on the game where you have to name the states. I didn't do to badly, but next time I'll have to try the hard level instead of easy. :)

I highly recommend this sight for those who have computer-kids. (But always remember, limited time is best, even when the games are educational. Nothing can replace creative and active play!)

Children's Bible Review

2010-10-25T10:24:00.003-04:00

Did you ever wish there was a Bible for your children that they could read on their own? Not one that is a paraphrase of a selection of stories, but one that is a translation specifically for them. I recently received the International Children's Bible - Big Red - with updated graphics. This Bible is perfect for my seven year old, who's beyond toddler Bibles but not quite ready for adult translations. The updated graphics aren't my favorite, because I don't like the new style of graphics, but they're done well and I can see that they'd attract little ones' eyes.

Great Deal

2010-10-20T15:38:00.003-04:00

Interested in Busch Garden's Christmas Town? Go to their twitter page to get the promotion code for $5 Christmas Town tickets. That's not $5 off. That's $5 cost! Click, link, and have fun!

Never Enough

2010-10-13T13:38:00.003-04:00

Do you ever feel like you're not doing enough? I think this is a common issue for moms. No matter what we do, no matter how much the lie is touted, we simply cannot do everything.

I know this, acknowledge this and believe this. Yet, no matter how much I do, I always feel like I could be doing more. Now, there are times I do nothing (meaning, sit in front of the tv and be a vegetable, usually not eating vegetables.) And times of rest are good to keep us balanced.

Recognizing what you are doing is good for balance, too. I recently had this feeling in relation to what my children are learning. There's a lot of pressure on a homeschooling mom to teach enough and the right things. I often question, Are they learning the right things? What if they don't learn enough about certain aspects of science or social studies or history? What if I'm not that effective of a teacher? Often, doubts reign.

Then, I look at what they are learning. Yesterday I literally did so. We are participating in Classical Conversations and my kids are learning amazing things. This week's lessons included:

History sentence about the Renaissance

Latin 1st Conjugation Future Tense

English - Possesive Pronouns

Science - 6 forms of pollution

Math - 11 & 12 multiples

Geography - European Features

What other 2nd graders and Kindergarteners are learning those things? So, while I recognize that they aren't getting every experience or lesson that are available through other education venues, I must recognize that they're getting unique lessons and experiences.

I think we all work this way. Whether it's in regards to our children's education, our work situation, our house-keeping situation, etc, we all do it differently. There are somethings that should never be comprimized (raising your children in a balanced, healthy, loving environment that holds them accountable, values education, and loves God), but the details in how these things are accomplished are individualized. I can love God and my family and stay at home full time. I can love God and my family and work full time. I can value education and teach my children myself, or send them to public or private school.

I cannot do everything. I wasn't meant to do everything. I don't want to lower my expectations, but I want to make sure that my expectations are in line with what God has called me to do and how He's called me to do it. Then, nothing is impossible. Nothing that's in His will for me. And He'll make sure that the rest is taken care of, one way or another.

Friendly Humor

2010-09-30T14:17:00.004-04:00

My friend! My friend! Come in, come in.
It's so good to see you again, 10, my friend.

Let's catch up, chat and visit for a while;
Have a cup of coffee, maybe walk a mile.

Sit down, kick your heels up; don't tarry too long though.
My old friend 8 is on her way, and then you will have to go!!

What if

2010-09-27T09:12:00.000-04:00

My recent reading of Max Lucado's book OutLIVE Your LIfe has inspired me to ask some new questions of myself. Questions that would be good for all of us to ask. The main one is:

What can I do to make a difference?

In some ways, I've been asking these questions for a while now. I try to share life with others, giving in small ways. Passing on maternity clothes. Donating or consigning at reasonable prices children's clothes. Cooking a meal. Exchanging child care. While I think I have been obedient in serving those in my immediate circle (some days more than others), I am now being stretched to see how I can serve those that would cause me to step out of my comfort zone.

Many of us believe, say, and reinforce that we dont' have time? But is that true? How much time do we spend in front of the television? How much time to we spend surfing the net? How many activities do we sign our children up for? How often do we get together to have fun? We all have time, we choose how we spend it. We can choose to spend it differently.

What if

* We signed our child/ren up for one less activity and instead did some family volunteering each week/month?

*We gave up eating out once a week/month and donated that money to a feeding program for some of the millions of starving children in the world?

*We watered our lawn one less time a week and donated that money to a clean water well drilling program?

*We spent a "ladies night out" serving the poor a healthy meal?

*We used a family vacation to go on a mission trip instead of going to a theme park?

There are probably many other quetions we could as ourselves. Many other ways we can give. Won't giving to others teach our children all the things we wish to teach them? Isn't that what Jesus taught us?

What impact on our personal world and the world at large would we have if we decided to give a little more, and then followed through on it?

Out LIVE Your Life

2010-09-23T06:52:00.003-04:00

Sometimes God makes things as clear as the full moon on a cloudless night. Lately, I feel like that's what He's been doing. In several different ways, He has been whispering to me to look to the possibilities of what I can do instead of my limitations as a homeschooling mom of four under 8. There are a lot of things I don't do - including go to the grocery store very often. I can do it, I prefer not to.

However, through two different books, one fiction and one nonfiction, a personal experience, and a special speaker at our church, God has been calling me out of my box that I've firmly planted around me and my children.

Now, there are things I shouldn't do. It wouldn't be wise to try to do every conference, girl's night, and fun opportunity that comes along. Nor would it be wise to be in a different homeschooling group every day of the week. These are good boundaries to have. I don't need to limit myself in what I can do for other people, though.

In reading Max Lucado's newest book - OutLIVE Your Life - I was deeply enouraged to ask what difference I can make on a daily basis. One of the final statements sums it up: "None of us can help everyone. But all of us can help someone." Using personal stories and scripture in a way that it becomes relevent to everyday life, Lucado lays the foundation for a life that will be dynamic and full of love. He does so in a way that is entertaining, heartfelt and God-focused. This is definitely a five-gold-star book!

Get it, read it, then live it. You'll be amazed how God will use you. What He will make of your life. I'm excited to see what He does as I strive to be obedient and make the difference He made me to make.

To Balance Me Out

2010-09-20T15:19:00.000-04:00

My post last Friday was bluntly honest about one of my most frustrating faults - forgetfulness. As I was walking early in the morning (in the perfect 63 degrees late summer, early morning air), God brought something to my attention. Although I may be forgetful, He is not. He's never forgotten anyone. ANYONE. EVER.

That is a thought that I could sit and mediate on for a while. Instead, this morning, I walked and thought about it. God not only knows each of us, but He knows every hair on our head, our hearts, and our thoughts. And He still loves us. Still offers complete forgiveness for ever time we have sinned either by commission or ommission. He forgave me for forgetting my neighbor over 2000 years ago as His very own blood was flowing from the body He chose to put His Spirit in for 33 years.

He knew each mistake I was going to make before He ever called me to love Him, serve Him, and start my own ministry. He also knew that I would fight my flesh to become obedient to Him. And that's why I think He's allowed me all the priveleges He has.

So, as you look at yourself and those around you - how so very far short we fall from perfection - remember that there is a perfect, all-knowing, all-powerful God who loves You. Allow that information to help you gird up your garments and continue to run the race He has set before you, not growing weary in doing good.

Mommy Brain

2010-09-17T14:01:00.002-04:00

Do you suffer from Mommy Brain? You know - forgetting things constantly. Walking from one room to the other and forgetting what you came in there for. Forgetting that you put a child in time out.

This morning I walked into the kitchen and found a container of pasta that I'd left out on the counter last night. 'Oh, well,' I thought. 'Now it's not tempting me anymore.' Earlier this week I forgot a person. A person! I was supposed to give a neighbor a ride home from church Wednesday night, got distracted in the search for a missing passy and transferring a friend's car seats to her car and didn't remember until I passed her house - a full fifteen minutes later!

How could I forget a person??? My husband laughed. My neighbor forgave me. I am trying to stop beating myself up. In order to help, I'm looking at what I can do to help my poor over-exercised brain.

Have any suggestions??

One thing, I'm going to try to go back to writing everything down. The old adage is true: hear it - remember 10%, say it - remember 30%, write it, remember 70%, practice it - remember 90%. In order to do this, I must pay more attention to what I'm doing.

As a mom, I'm used to multi-tasking. When I'm listening to praise music, cooking, answering a multitude of questions or folding laundry, watching a movie, and trying to get in my water for the day, multi-tasking can be good. But, in many instances, it simply means I'm not paying as close attention to what I'm doing as I should. e.g. Talking on the phone and checking email at the same time is not productive. I miss half of both.

So, I will go back to making lists and try to be more aware of what's going on. I'd be more than happy to hear any other suggestions that have helped other moms suffering from Mommy Brain!

First Week of School

2010-09-10T07:22:00.003-04:00

I thought that having school start on a holiday week would be a good thing. A shorter week. Woohoo! But, here it is Friday, the week's almost over and we've gotten almost nowhere. I should add that: I homeschool, missed doing laundry on Monday because of the holiday, started a new homeschooling group {Classical Conversations} Tuesday, had a Dr.'s appt. and shopping for my mom's wedding to do on Wednesday, found out I'm anemic (on top of having low Vit. D - no wonder I crash in the afternoons!), and had a play date for the kids w/some other homeschoolers Thursday morning. I feel like a week in, we're already behind!

I am glad that the onslaught of other activities haven't started, putting more into our schedule. Maybe easing into all the activities (Awana, children's choir, dance, and Ladies' Small Group) is a good thing. Time to get myself organized. So far, I haven't made a good transition back to school.

The factor that makes it all work - we homeschool! I don't have to have it all together all at once (Thank God!.) We can get a slow start, like the tortiose, but if we rev up and keep going steady, we'll still win the race. That rabbit that took off out of the gate sprinting will have nothing on us!

Now, I'm going to go get ready for another day of teaching, running the house, and trying to keep everyone healthily fed! It works for us (even though some days it just works us :).

For all those moms out there working their own schedules and managing their families, I send blessing, grace, mercy, and peace as you lead your children into the world one step at a time - no matter whether that's by way of homeschool, private school, or public school. Take time to drink a cup of coffee (or tea, or smoothie) and keep in touch with your mommy friends as the school year takes off like the space shuttle - on a holiday week.

Book Review

2010-09-03T13:08:00.002-04:00

I recently had an opportunity to read "Captured by Grace" by David Jeremiah, one of my favorite preachers. As expected, the book was well organized and thouroughly Biblical. I enjoyed the opening chapters most, as I learned more about John Newton, the author of "Amazing Grace." As the book went on, it continued to expound on essential elements of the grace God gives us, shedding light on many truths found in the Word. I would give this book four out of five stars only because while it is well written and focuses on God and His Word, it is not one that I can't put down. Nevertheless, I would definitely recommend it as a great addition to any library.

Ahhh...Quiet

2010-08-18T13:02:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I had one of the best gifts ever for a mommy - I had a day off! A true day off. 24 hours with no kids. No demands. No whining. No arguing. No interruptions during dinner, or a good book, or in the bathroom. It was marvelous.

I love my kids, but I also cherish time by myself to recharge. This may sound repetitive (as several of my posts in the last couple of weeks have been about Mommy Time), but it is still true. I tried to think back to the last time I had a day completely by myself and I came up with that it's been 23 months. That would be 9 months of pregnancy and the first 14 months of my littlest one's life. That's a long time. I've had afternoons off and a few hours here and there, but there's nothing quite like spending a whole day in your nightgown uninterrupted.

I also got to go to a Thirty-One party (the night before, after dropping the kids off), which was great gal time. So, I had a little bit of both types of mommy time.

I was very happy to see all my sweet ones when they arrived home around dinner time last night, and was recharged and ready to go again. And today, I am reaping the rewards of my time off in feeling much more capable of doing what is demanded of me day-in and day-out to raise four children under 8, take care of my house, and homeschool.

I had plans to get all sorts of writing, revising and submitting done on my day off. I did a little. However, I don't feel like I wasted my time at all. There is definitely something to taking a day of rest. There's a reason God called us to do so. As moms, we aren't able to get a day off once a week, even if we dont' do anything but parent and throw some cold cereal at them to eat. No, we need to be deliberate about making that time. I am fortunate enough to have a mom close enough and willing to keep all the kids for me once in a while. I know not everyone does. I can think of several other moms I know personally who don't. So, after my wonderful, fabulous, restful day, my main thought is, "Who can I give this gift to?" That's what I'll work on next.